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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder if I should report parent sitting in car with nursery child.

337 replies

wellstopdoingitthen · 23/10/2022 22:58

I live opposite a primary school. There's a mum who collects her nursery child at 11.30 then sits in the car with her until the older children finish at 3pm. She usually sits there with the engine running which is right next to the playground. I'm not sure if I should do anything or if I'm being a busy body.
I know the little one is in there because I did ask the mum to turn off her engine during the really hot weather. I got an earful because apparently she needed it on because it was hot in the car.
Yabu- keep your nose out
Yanbu- you should notify the school/authorities

OP posts:
CarefreeMe · 27/10/2022 09:52

The update is very different to your OP.

You implied that she spends the entire time sat in the car but your update says that the car is parked there all that time but you don’t actually know if she’s sat in there. Which she can’t be if you’ve only just noticed a child in there too.

The only reason you have made a thread/want to report her is because you happened to walk past and told her to turn her engine off and she was rude to you - but now all of a sudden you’re concerned about a child’s welfare?!

TheBiologyStupid · 27/10/2022 11:01

toomuchlaundry · 27/10/2022 07:14

It’s called safeguarding @Berrylina not being nosy.

If the child was with the nanny or childminder would any parent be happy with this arrangement?

That's a good point - do we know that this woman is the child's mother?

DangerousAlchemy · 27/10/2022 13:22

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 24/10/2022 00:49

YABVU to give a shit. I’m assuming the nursery child naps? I’ve spent many an hour sat in a car while my kids slept! And she was right about keeping the engine running, she’d need the air con on. Seems like you just wanted to go out and make a point. Maybe find a hobby that’s not curtain twitching?

Bloody he'll she can take the kid out, pop in a pushchair & go for a walk so it can nap!! and YOU shouldn't have your engine idling for ages either @LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet while your kids nap because it is ILLEGAL & YOU are polluting the environment 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

Dinomum79 · 27/10/2022 15:44

Yanbu

sue20 · 27/10/2022 15:54

drkpl · 26/10/2022 22:00

The car idling is one thing. The welfare of the mother and her reasons for doing so are another. But importantly, NO CHILD should be subjected to being strapped into a car for 3.5 hours EVERY DAY regardless of circumstances.

I’m not saying we should look down on the mother. However, all this “reporting” fear mongering nonsense is ridiculous and trivialising.This needs to be raised with either the school, social services, or the police so that adequate support can be provided. Believe it or not, the police don’t see it as being in the child’s best interest to be whipped away from its mother- they will try to offer support and investigate why the mother is behaving in this way. Believe it or not, she probably won’t get into any shit for the idling either- they do use their discretion, and prob why would in this circumstance.

Shame on the ones who would look the other way.

Assuming it’s the mother…..?

luxxlisbon · 27/10/2022 17:29

So a provocative and pointless thread for absolutely no reason. At times you have seen this car outside the school between 11ish and 3ish and one single time you have seen a woman and child in it. 🙄

WrongWayApricot · 27/10/2022 18:47

I'm baffled at the angry people who want to report saying the toddler should be running around in the park. Nearly everyone that said don't report thinks/thought the toddler is napping. You can't get exercise while napping? Most toddlers nap in the early afternoon? How many toddlers across the country do you think are being neglected by having nap time instead of going to the park?

toomuchlaundry · 27/10/2022 18:52

@WrongWayApricot not angry people, concerned people. People who know about safeguarding. If it turns out the child is napping that might be fine but I can think of more comfortable places and the car cannot have its engine idling all that time

WrongWayApricot · 27/10/2022 20:02

@toomuchlaundry I've seen lot of hand wringing on this thread about a lack of exercise and exploring. Napping toddlers (which is a lot of them between 11.30 and 3.30) are not exercising and exploring. Idling has already been nearly unanimously agreed as bad.

Blondeshavemorefun · 27/10/2022 20:50

Seems very weird doesn’t go home - obv not a petrol cost issue is there for 3.5hrs with engine running

and with a park locally as well - why not go there if weather nice

you could knock on window and ask if she is ok as you see her there daily for a long time

or mention it to the school if worried

LololaLo2012 · 27/10/2022 20:57

So let me get this right… she sits in the car presumably with a 3/4 year old from 11.30 until 3pm? So 3.5 hours?! Wtf!!

There must be something more going on here right?

Having had children in big school and one in preschool (and a baby) at similar pick up times, I do understand that the backwards and forwards of multiple drop offs and picks ups is hard work at time. But this is not normal behaviour or something that I ever would have done. Like I said there must be more to it. Why wouldn’t you go home? Park? Cafe?

Maybe ask her if she is ok? I mean if something is wrong it could take her a few “are you okays” for her to say something?

Maybe mentioned it to the school isn’t a bad thing.

I felt like I had to let the preschool teacher know that I constantly saw a family drop and collect there child/children in the car each day not using seat belts, car seats and a baby on their lap. I know it was NONE of my business how people parent but I just felt if anything happened that I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself. The teacher was lovely and agreed that I did the right thing in telling her. Not sure if anything was actually said but I tried not to look after I mentioned it as I just felt really uncomfortable every time I saw them getting in the car.

xx

Hoplesscynic · 29/10/2022 11:46

CarefreeMe · 27/10/2022 09:52

The update is very different to your OP.

You implied that she spends the entire time sat in the car but your update says that the car is parked there all that time but you don’t actually know if she’s sat in there. Which she can’t be if you’ve only just noticed a child in there too.

The only reason you have made a thread/want to report her is because you happened to walk past and told her to turn her engine off and she was rude to you - but now all of a sudden you’re concerned about a child’s welfare?!

OP explained this already - she did know the woman was in the car due to her engine being constantly on.
The day OP went over and asked her to turn off her engine is when OP realised the child was also in the car.

What's so hard to understand?

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