To wonder if I should report parent sitting in car with nursery child.

[wellstopdoingitthen]

I live opposite a primary school. There's a mum who collects her nursery child at 11.30 then sits in the car with her until the older children finish at 3pm. She usually sits there with the engine running which is right next to the playground. I'm not sure if I should do anything or if I'm being a busy body.
I know the little one is in there because I did ask the mum to turn off her engine during the really hot weather. I got an earful because apparently she needed it on because it was hot in the car.
Yabu- keep your nose out
Yanbu- you should notify the school/authorities

I’d report to the nursery and the school for safeguarding purposes. Idling the engine is also illegal and I’d consider reporting to the police (although not sure what they will do)

3.5 hours isn't that crazy.. A meal, a video and a nap? It sounds cramped and boring, but if the child is asleep it won't care. Are you 100% sure they don't leave the car? And are you sure there's only one adult? They might take turns if there's more than one.

A parent at my child's school does this.

They live a half hour drive away so the mum prefers to hang around killing time at school. When the weather's ok they wander outside, sometimes they go to a cafe nearby and sometimes they sit in their car.

The idling engine would really bother me.

The child having to tag along while they kill hours on end waiting for school to finish isn't ideal but I take my DD with me to work sometimes which some don't think is ideal. I know some people judge me for this yet I feel comfortable that on balance I'm doing the right thing for us, so unless a child's well-being is clearly at risk I try hard not to judge other parents.

I would not do anything. I would feel that someone would not make that choice lightly and I wouldn't want to do anything to add to a shit situation.

Mumsnet at its best.

Invite her into your home.
She must be in an abusive relationship.
Report her to the police.
Is the child toilet trained?

My preschooler could barely sit in a stationery car for 3.5 minutes 🫤

It sounds a bit odd but that is prime nap time for a toddler so it might just fit in better than going home , putting the toddler down and having to wake up for the return journey/ school run

Kids only go to school nursery for one year, so why was she doing this in the hotter weather? If she’s picking up the child at 11:30 now, she can’t also have been doing it before the summer?

Just leave them alone! Seriously.

I had no idea that idling engine is illegal. Does that count for on a hot day when in a car park waiting 5 mins for DC or in the morning defrosting the windscreen with hot blower on? How long can you idle before it’s illegal?

So many questions…

Why would she leave the engine idling for 3.5 hours?
Why wouldn’t she take the child to a park/cafe/library if she’s escaping an abusive/difficult situation at home?
Why wouldn’t the child be screaming blue murder after a bit? there’s no way a nursery age child would sit in a car for 3.5 hours every day.

Either the OP is seriously exaggerating or leaving something out of her story - OP, are u sure this is every day and for 3.5 hours? If this is true I would at the very least go out and ask her if she’s ok - that is very strange behaviour.

I'm just amazed that someone has enough time on their hands to watch someone opposite their house for over 3 hours

YABVU to give a shit. I’m assuming the nursery child naps? I’ve spent many an hour sat in a car while my kids slept! And she was right about keeping the engine running, she’d need the air con on. Seems like you just wanted to go out and make a point. Maybe find a hobby that’s not curtain twitching?

It’s illegal to sit in a car with a child

If my home office looked out on a street and I saw a car there everyday with a child in it you would notice it as something odd.

Raising it as a safeguarding/welfare concern doesn’t mean social services would be involved. Nursery/school might not even talk to the parent but they might just make a note about it.

If there are issues in the parent’s life then better school are aware about it.

I am sure many parents would be amazed by how many notes there may be on the school system about their child, where a member of staff may have noticed your child is out of sorts, wearing slightly scruffy clothing when usually neat, unusually hungry etc

“Hello social services, yes I know you’re super busy helping children that are abused and neglected, and working at 130% capacity, but someone sits with their child in a car round here, act immediately” 🤣🤣

@LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet it’s illegal to have your car engine running when parked.

Surprised she hasn’t told her to buy the woman a crème egg 🤣🤣🤣

It's truly none of your business. If she's not causing harm to her child why do you want to get involved?
Yes, ask them round for a cuppa - perhaps she lives far away and doing two trips at pick up is too expensive given the petrol prices.

As someone said - are you watching them the entire 3.5 hours? Are you sure they don't get out? Even if they don't, how do you know the child doesn't nap for half the time, eat for about 30 mins etc.
Keep out of people's business or be human and invite them to yours.

During lockdown, to stem the boredom, we used to do ‘car picnics’. I’d take the kids to the shop, run in just me (they’re old enough to be left in car before someone calls 101 on me 😂) to get food, we’d play music while we are then watch a movie on the iPad. Just to get us out the house! It was great fun and it would waste a good 2.5-3 hours!

Don’t forget ‘she obviously has MH issues’

Someone will be along to diagnose her with a personality disorder next

I would just mention it privately to a nursery staff member. It could be something . It’s probably nothing. If it is of concern, they will follow it up. After you mention it, then leave it alone.

Meh

Theres illegal (shoplifting, assault etc) and illegal (Going 31mph in a 30mph zone, waiting on double yellows etc). One is an arrestable offence the other is barely skin off anyone’s nose. to report such a non-issue is beyond busybodiness. Reminds me of the weirdos who called the police in lockdown if someone called on their neighbour

Having a car engine running while stationary for any length of time - let alone every day for many hours - is digusting and should be reported. Why she's feeling the need to do this is another thing, though.

www.rac.co.uk/drive/advice/emissions/idling/

One is an arrestable offence the other is barely skin off anyone’s nose.

Air pollution is everyone's business.