How to cope with my parent’s political views?

[Blacktigerstripes]

I’m staying with my parents at the moment, in their early sixties.
How do you cope with differing political and cultural views?

I’m getting so angry the more conversations we have.

My DM doesn’t agree with gay marriage…she also has a totally differing political viewpoint to me and my DP.
I’m finding myself getting more and more angry.

Has anyone else had this issue?

There’s nothing more boring than adult dc who think because they’re parents have a different opinion they must be wrong and need to change it.
Unless your dp’s are bigots or racists then just agree to disagree.
Obviously if they leave you an inheritance you can’t possibly take it from such ignorant people so pick a nice charity to give it to.

Thank you, I really needed a laugh today

But OP has specified this is an opinion she finds upsetting.

I heard about this book that's sort of on the topic (imagine having trump supporters for parents!) www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/669716/the-persuaders-by-anand-giridharadas/

The theory is that you find common values with someone who has different views to you. Eg they might say they disagree with gay marriage but they might also believe in the right to a private life, limiting power of the church etc. They might have some stories about long gone relatives, neighbours etc who were gay. Often with sad, limited lives.

It's interesting what perspectives you can find if you come at a topic from a different perspective and try to ask questions and genuinely understand rather than argue.

That said, my sun-reading in laws are sharply directed to another topic quite often, especially when they've had a few.

My Mum 86.... I disagree with EVERY political view she has....I just say ' I know' to whatever she comes out with...just let it all go over my head ....she's my mum...I love her....couldn't be arsed falling out over politics

Left and right wingers are equally loud and annoying on their personal opinions.

Most of the time it's self importance which makes someone think everyone needs to know their opinion, when in reality, no one really cares.

If it's just dodgy older generation views on things just don't bring it up, or change the subject. Or, just don't spend large amounts of time with them.

I tend to just spend my time with people who I think share my values rather than crusading to change everyone's views (you won't, the same way they won't change yours).

As long as they're not being direct arseholes to people (at which point I would take issue and say something) just let it be, the world will progress either way 😊

But surely not agreeing with gay marriage is quite bigoted.

We have similar issues with DPs parents, it's difficult, he finds it very upsetting, they generally have a v negative world view and just spout whatever headline the daily mail has dreamt up about immigrants etc that week. Which is ironic as his dad is an immigrant.

My parent's know my views and I say we have to agree to disagree - they won't change. Inlaws I just blandly smile as no point getting into a confrontation with them

I wonder if OP will come back to stir the pot

It is possible to have completed happy relationships with people with differing views, very narrow minded to be unable to do so without becoming angry. As long as they are views only and not translating in to poor treatment of other people just agree to disagree surely. To do otherwise we end up polarised and living in echo Chambers.

Doubtful… especially since the “well, move out then” has been thrown on the table. Which is what I would have said if someone hadn’t beaten me to it

Agree to disagree or discuss topics where you have common ground is usually the best solution.

Move

@Woolandwonder

"But surely not agreeing with gay marriage is quite bigoted."

Quite possibly. But it's their view. They are allowed to hold it

People are entitled to different political views from your own Op?if people disagree with gay marriage, that's one thing and it's legal now anyway, but it's a democracy people can vote how they want .

Respect their views, agree to differ, and don’t discuss politics.

Politics and religions aren't discussed. Much easier.

It largely depends on your relationship with your parents. If you are able to be detached, then of course the best thing is to agree to differ and don't get drawn, but I know that's not always possible. I had a close but stormy relationship with my late mother and we once had a three day argument about the death penalty - when you are close it's more difficult to button your lip - we are only human after all.

Sure, but if you choose to express that view and other views that the other party clearly finds difficult, you also have to be prepared that it's going to negatively affect your relationship.

In their own home your parents are entitled to hold any views they wish. If you don't agree don't discuss with them. Why do you get angry when others disagree with you? Do you think your views are only valid views?

Well one would think so. I can’t see why adults can’t marry who they please, one person at a time preferably.
And yet the Church of England are not allowed to conduct same sex marriages or even bless civil same sex marriage. Therefore one could conclude that the Church of England and ultimately their figurehead King Charles are all bigoted.
Presumably if OP’s parents are particularly religious they may well disagree with gay marriage.

Actually, I feel for you OP. I grew up in a racist, homophobic everything ist family. It's not just that you don't agree, it's that our views are actually in conflict with each other. I will never turn their views around, and (hopefully) they will never change mine. So, what are my choices? Ignore, their rightwing shite, or go no contact.

It's amazing how these threads are about the left trying to censor or shut down right wing viewpoints. Usually when you see intolerance like listed it always seems to come from the left.

I disagree with my parents about many things and find some of their views shocking. We often have heated discussions if certain subjects come up, but in the end, they're my parents and we love each other. I also think I have become more tolerant of different views since realising that I am gender critical- many people equate that with bigotry. It's not, it's a reasonable position- so just maybe some of the positions I automatically equated with bigotry are reasonable too- I am more open to listening to the arguments- doesn't mean I will necessarily agree though 😉