To ask if I should reply to this weird Facebook message?

[thalita605]

Just that really.

Been with DP for 2.5 years, we have an 8mo together and our relationship is good and he's a good dad to DD. He's currently working away and this afternoon I had a message request on FB from what I assume is a teenage boy, although he doesn't have any pictures himself on his account, unless he's made it all private. He said he was DP’s son, he doesn't know if DP has told me about him but he wants to meet. I don't know if this is genuine or not, as he's never mentioned a son, neither has MIL, I've not met other family members as he doesn't speak to them.

I'm not sure if I should reply or not, part of me doesn't think I should but another part things I should. WWYD?

I think you shold reply but asking further questions, people, places who his mom is. I have to smile at those who say if he doesnt come with a birth certificate it is a scam. On how many threads here do we see the advice "don´t put father on certificate as it gives him parental rights". The only proof is a DNA test. But before that there are some questions you need to ask and then, a long due convo with that partner of yours playing dumb. By the "I don´t know if my father has told you about me" I understand that he does know he fathered a son, he just could never be bothered with him.

Maybe he has those things.
Or maybe, because the DP is claiming he didn't know about the child, the birth certificate would prove nothing.

It iscalled Facebook for a reason, its named after American college student directory book things

It's nothing to do with have a photo of your face 😀

It's funny the amount of posters who would ignore this.

Unless you are the only person your partner has ever shagged then of course he could have a child out there he doesn't know about

Any decent man would want to get to the bottom of it and find out if it is true or not

Some people obviously wouldn't want to upset their happy little family and prefer to Bury their heads in the sand

For those of you who have said speak to DP not mumsnet, you would've seen I have if you RTFT, and I thought that's what mumsnet was for anyway

I assume he found my account from DP mentioning me on posts etc. I replied to him and asked for his mums name etc but he wouldn't say as apparently his mum doesn't know about him messaging, he said he doesn't have his birth certificate or photos of him with DP so I did think he was lying but he then told me the football team DP supports (it is a team in our city so it could've been a guess or he mightve seen a photo of DP at a match on his profile) and weirdly, he also named DP’s brother but it is a fairly common name so that could've also been a guess.

I'm not 100% sure why DP only speaks to his mum, he just mentioned an argument

You need to have more info.. If you make it clear that you wont contact the boys mum, would he give you his mums name?
If we're thinking that your DP may honestly not know anything about this, at least a name might click possibilities in his brain.

Of course it could be a hoax/scam, or the kids got the wrong man somehow, but its also possible your DP slept with someone, resulting in pregnancy and the mum didnt want him to know for one reason or another.

Seems odd your DP isn't at all interested in sorting out whether this kid is his child or not? How can he be 100% sure? (unless hes never had a one night stand, or definitely knows all his exes weren't pregnant after they split)

Ask him for a picture of himself and his date and place of birth and when was l the last time he saw his father.
Your DP's brother and his football team are easily found on Facebook I expect but maybe he hasn't got anything else about his father (whoever he is).

DP is NC with his brother so I don't think he could've found his name on FB, but it could've been a coincidence I suppose

If he was genuine - he'd want to prove it to you by giving his Mum's name.

I don't buy it at all. I think it's a scam.

So, he has no pictures, even his profile picture isn’t him, he refuses to give you his mother’s name, and the only name he gave you was quite a popular name of a brother your DP no longer speaks to.

Presumably if the mother had mentioned your DP’s name to him along with his brother’s name and other identifying information she would have known he was likely to contact him, so the reason that his mother doesn’t know just doesn’t add up.

I realise that it does happen that long lost children get in touch, but this one sounds like an absolute scammer and I would block him at this point.

If he genuinely wanted to find his long lost father he would have been forthcoming with actual information. Anyone can send a facebook message claiming they’re someone’s child.

If your profiles aren’t public and you aren’t obviously together, then I would wonder whether if, instead of a scammer, it’s someone trying to cause trouble between you and your dp.

Either way I absolutely wouldn’t entertain this for another second, and I would block him.

And no, it has nothing to do with anyone wanting to maintain their family. It has to do with someone trying to scam or upset the OP.

If he knows the brothers' name and DP is no contact with the brother then it could well be true.

I can also understand him not wanting to name his mum if she doesn't know he's trying to find his dad.

Sad all round if it's true - poor kid.

Nope. If he wants to be taken seriously then he needs to come up with something which makes him identifiable. And being able to give the name of someone who has a quite popular name just doesn’t do it.

Mother’s name or block.

He can’t just pitch up demanding that he’s the OP’s dp’s son and refuse to prove it.

Just tell them you will not be responding as you have no way of identifying them and they could be anyone.

Thats that.

If it's true and it is his son, itll come out eventually.

If it is true then he could be fairly young, it's probably not his real fb . Most teenagers have more common sense when it comes to online profiles than most of the posters on mn

If its real he's probably looking for a reaction from your partner

Maybe he should try talking to him

Why did he get in touch with his “dads partner”? Why didn’t he message his “dad” straight away? That would be the normal thing to do. The story in itself is strange, Me thinks this is someone trying to wind you up or find information about you and the status of your relationship (maybe a disgruntled ex?), or maybe your husband is unaware he has a kid and kid is not allowed to out himself?

I would take this no name no photo Facebook “character” with a HUGE (did I say “huge”?) pinch of salt. He might end asking you for money to visit “his dad” 🤣 ( scams are getting very sophisticated lately )

Truth is anyone can message someone and say “hello I’m your son”. Let him know that if he wants your attention you need a name, his mother’s name and his story. If he doesn’t comply tell he has zero credibility and he/she is just someone trying to wind you up, if he doesn’t provide you these details I would block and not bother. Troll.

Well seeing as he said that he didn't know if his dad had told the op about him I'd be wondering if the dp already knows and has been avoiding contact

That’s a possibility but why no name and no photo? 🤔

So you'd believe the DP just because the boy doesn't necessarily know his moms life story? Weird

look at the end of the day he can’t just expect to message someone on facebook, say “hey, I’m your partner’s son, I won’t show you my picture or tell you anything about my mum or even tell you her name,” and expect that person to take them at face value.

Just respond and say that as you are not aware of him, please can be fife you some information so that you can clarify he has the right family.

Thinking about it, I’m guessing the scam is:

someone messages the OP, or whoever the victim is. They tell them they’re their partner’s long lost child. No they don’t want to give any information because their mum doesn’t know they’re even trying to look for their dad so don’t want to upset her.

They grew up in a really difficult time, their mum was a single parent and they didn’t have any money.

They might then even go on to say their mum is ill and they don’t know how they’re going to survive, and as their father they feel the partner should be able to support them.

And then either the partner coughs up, or the recipiant of the post feels for them so much and feels such hatred towards her partner that she gives this “lad” money. And likely the longer you can go on with it, the more he will get.

I actually would report the “son” to facebook as a potential scammer. Likelihood is that they have sent such messages all over facebook because they know that somewhere out there, someone will bite.

I am thinking this also.

I could never block someone who is reaching out with this kind of message.

If your DH isn't talking to his family (or vice versa) then there's probably masses you don't know. Has he ever explained what happened with the family? Seems like he's not very open if not.

Quite simply don't give any money then block.

No I would still report.

I might not be gullible enough to fall for it, but someone will.

Seriously I can’t believe that so many people would be prepared to doubt their partner over someone who refuses to give any details about themselves, doesn’t have a picture, but claims they’re a long lost child. You lot are just ripe for the picking.

yes, if he’d come forward and said “my mum is x and she had a child by you,” then you could look further into e.g. DNA testing etc. Although I would refuse to have anything to do with them if they weren’t prepared to do that, but with so little information there is absolutely no credibility to the claim that he is the dp’s son.

In fact the dp can’t even be expected to think about whether he had a son if he doesn’t even know who the woman is who he potentialy fathered this son. Anyone can have had any number of sexual partners in the past, without a name he has nothing to go on.