Should you date again as a single parent?

[SpinningFloppa]

What’s your thoughts on single parents dating again? Every time I mention dating I get met with a lot of negativity, “oh don’t bother” “just stay single” “OLD is hell just be happy on your own” should single parents not look for love again? Should they wait until their kids have grown up and moved out? Also hear a lot of women saying if they broke up with their partner they would stay single and not meet another man again, but would they really? What’s do you really think about single parents dating again?

The ideal for dc - those with the best outcomes are dc with two mums. What a surpise... ( well not a surprise, it makes perfect sense).

But mums also hurt and abuse their dc. I'm a SW and the parents are often worse than the step parents. The statistics match the reality. If you are going to date/have children based on statistics to keep your dc safe then have them with a woman and, if you do want a man make sure he isn't white.

If you aren't doing the above to keep your dc safe then rest assured the new partner that the OP may find and bring around her dc is far less likely to harm her dcs then your dcs own dad.

And I'm a SP with no wish to date right now.

This a good point too, realistically if you can't date.... due to virtually having no childcare that is a different matter full stop.

Its not really a case of "choosing" to be single.

Absolutely you do, we all deserve that.

The "cream of the crop men" wouldn't care if a woman was a single mum or not.....which means that those ruling out single mothers are not, by definition "cream of the crop" are they?

Thank you, I don’t see why I should put my life on hold just because I have children; no one really sets out to be single mum I didn’t know that when I became a single mum that meant I was expected to be alone forever 🤦🏻‍♀️ Yes kids come first but my life is already revolved around them and I don’t do much if anything for myself. It would be nice to have something just for me!

Sorry but this is nonsense. Lots of men won't date women with children - lots of women on here won't date men with children either.

I don't buy into the concept of "cream of the crop" when it comes to people but of course it's a smaller dating pool when you have kids. And you're not a bad person if you don't want to date someone with kids either. It's not for everyone

I actually stayed with my ex for a lot longer than I should have because my family told me no one would want me now I’m a single mum, seems that opinion is shared by others.

I don't think anyone has said that. It is a smaller dating pool not a non existent one

Actually people have said as much! I will only end up with an abusive guy?!

Hear hear!! I wouldn't date men with children and although I might not have considered myself 'cream of the crop' I certainly wasn't a 'second rater'.

People have the right to set their own criteria for a partner, be it politics, religion, children, or pets. If it eliminates a certain group, that is their prerogative. A refusal to include you (the generic 'you', not a specific poster) in that criteria doesn't make them less than a first rate choice.

I’m not saying this necessarily applies to you, OP, but a person who would rather stay in an unhappy relationship than be single is not someone who should contemplate entering the very brutal world of OLD.

That was years ago, I haven’t been with my ex for 5 years like I already said. I have been alone for a long time and spent a lot of time on my own without so much as speaking to another man but at the time my family saying no one would want me was one of the reasons why I stayed longer than I should have, I was in my 20s I would have liked to have more kids and hey guess what even get married and find happiness and being told well no one is going to want you now did make me stay longer.

No, I am not saying no-one would want to know you now you are a single mum, but that whether you like it or not, you are vulnerable to not good men, so you need really clear, rock hard boundaries. I didn’t have them, and it was very, very messy. I thought my ex was potentially a good partner because he had a Dd the same age as mine and we were in the same profession, had interests in common, and he came across as a stable type of person. In fact, he was controlling and inflexible and very good at being emotionally manipulative and not taking no for an answer and it is almost like he zero’d in on me because he saw someone good natured and prepared to be flexible and who had no idea coercive control was a thing or how subtly it starts. He was very charming, but actually everything was his way.
So I am saying you need good boundaries.
There are still things, ten years later, which make my DD on edge because she relates them to him. But on the surface, this is a professional, well-educated, charming, solvent good citizen who managed to convince me I was crazy.

You’re very defensive and I’m not criticising you.

It sounds like your problem is your family. Maybe start by putting in some boundaries with them. I can’t imagine anyone in my family speaking to me like you describe.

I don't see why you can't date when you're ready. I guess it's then what you do with that relationship.
I had a bit of a fling when my marriage broke down, I quit my job, retrained and just wanted to build a life for the kids and I. However, I fell for my fling and after about a year I just knew we were very right together. I finally knew what it was like to be really loved and I'm so glad I have this. He met my kids after knowing him 2 years and we've now been together over 6 years. His kids are grown up and we don't live together but he does come over and he is part of our lives but I still mostly see him wen kids are with their dad. This works for us, allows me to protect the kids space and put them first and I have a lovely relationship too. Perhaps in another 5 years or so it will be different as it would be lovely to build a life together but for now I can have the cake and I eat it and every ones happy 😁

Started dating a year after I was separated. The kids knew nothing of it as it was only when they were with their dad. I went on quite a few dates when they were away with him for a week!

Didn't introduce him to the kids for 5 months, he didn't stay over when they were at home for 2 or 3 years, we still don't live together, because the kids are my priority - but there is no reason you shouldn't date as a single parent, if that's what you want to do.