Should you date again as a single parent?

[SpinningFloppa]

What’s your thoughts on single parents dating again? Every time I mention dating I get met with a lot of negativity, “oh don’t bother” “just stay single” “OLD is hell just be happy on your own” should single parents not look for love again? Should they wait until their kids have grown up and moved out? Also hear a lot of women saying if they broke up with their partner they would stay single and not meet another man again, but would they really? What’s do you really think about single parents dating again?

It's difficult because I couldn't imagine staying single for the next 5 years just because I'm a mum!

exactly! It’s like because I’m a
mum I’m expected to not want to feel loved again, be happy with someone else, be cared about and desired by someone.

That's not exclusive to dating again after divorce/relationship breakdown though is it, there are bad men around women get involved with the first time around. The only difference is having dc, so unless you think all women suddenly become neglectful parents once they are single what's the issue? My dd was my first priority when I was married to her father and she's still my first priority.

I became a single mum when DS was 3.

I started dating an old friend when DS was 4. Someone I had known for 20 years. He had a daughter and knew what being a single parent was like. We dated 5 years until his daughter was 17, got a car and a boyfriend, and didn't need her dad anymore.

The old friend decided we should use his new found freedom, but that involved me 'getting rid' of ds at least half the time. 😡There was no chance I would ever do that, so we split. It seems our relationship only worked when it suited him.

I honestly think being a single parent, the dc comes first and that precludes another relationship because that person will always feel they come second.

I'll date if I can be bothered, when DS turns 16. Any relationship can progress gradually until ds is at least 18 and off to university. Then we'll see. But not before.

If anything happened to DH, I 100% could not be arsed finding another bloke.

I am 37, perhaps I'd feel differently if i was younger.

I don't need a bloke financially or socially. I earn loads myself and have a big familu and enough good friends.

I a) definitely am not remotely interested in being in a stepmother role to someone else's kids b) would definitely not want to impose a stepfather figure on my kids c) would not want to have another baby if a future partner wanted one.

Most people i know who grew in blended family situations weren't happy, lots have poor relationships with parents later on, hated moving between homes, missed the non RP, hated stepsiblings/parents. Its a choice a parent usually makes for themselves, not for their children. That's fine but its not the choice I'd make personally.

It’s very easy to say you wouldn’t when you are married….

Its personal choice. I spent two years on my own and met someone on OLD, so glad I decided to!

I don’t see the harm in dating as a single parent. But I would say that as my partner is my children’s stepdad. It was sort of a happy fluke how we met and got into a relationship. If we hadn’t… I probably would have stayed single. For no other reason than I am lazy and set in my ways. Would have missed sex sometimes but there’s no way I’d let a fuck buddy have any impact on my children/family life.

Every (and I really do mean every) single mum I know has ended up in an abusive relationship, even those who declare they’ve met the perfect one has had it turn into a nightmare. I think single mums are a target for abusers, so I’m staying single, I won’t put my children at risk, ever, it’s not worth it.
Let’s be honest, the cream of the crop men aren’t looking for a single mum, and that’s the cold hard truth!

Surely there's no should about it. It's completely personal choice. I consciously decided to start dating 12 months after my divorce when I was 45. 9 years later I haven't dated since Summer 2019 , After a horrific parade of awful men, I'm single and have decided to stay that way.

I have the opposite I Know so many people who had step dads growing up and they all say how amazing they were I had a step dad myself and he wasn’t abusive in any way.

Men say this... yes but most women will have kids by the age of 35 it's a silly thing to say its not realistic life is not a fairy tale other wise the men too wouldn't be single.

I wonder if anyone tells men they should stay single because women won’t be interested in a single dad or is it just single mums that are so undesirable? 🤔

If DP and I broke up I would probably casually date now and then and have sexual relationships but I wouldn’t have a relationship until our DC who is now very young is much older. The truth is I wouldn’t really trust anyone to love DC the way he deserves to be loved and in all honesty in my line of work I’ve seen so many children be hurt, abused, manipulated etc by new partners of their parents that it’s the last thing I would ever subject my DC to, it would take me a very long time of dating someone to even think about introducing them to my DC, like easily a couple of years, so I think I’d rather not have the hassle, just concentrate on my DC and forget about dating for the foreseeable.

I would casually date but I wouldn't want to introduce anyone to my children for a very long time.

My children are very young too and my oldest is autistic, he is a beautiful boy but his repetitiveness and routines can be exhausting and I wouldn't expose him to any man who may let him down like his dad did! I'm happy with our little family and being completely independent and I don't want to have to factor anyone else into our lives.

It's completely personal preference, there's no right or wrong at all. I think as long as your children aren't meeting lots of different men who come and go very quickly then you aren't harming anyone.

Do what makes you happy, life is too short to be single if you don't want to be!

Yes but those men will have other options, go younger or find someone who doesn’t have kids, those women exist too, and if they’re actively seeking women who aren’t parents there are plenty about so they’d still not choose to be with a single mum.
I think it’s different once kids are grown up and left home but for mums with kids still at home who need looking after, most men who tick all the boxes (as I said cream of the crop) will not want to be with them, and I’m not saying it doesn’t happen, 2 people could meet and fall in love and he’d be with her no matter what, but given the choice I’d still bet l you the man would rather she wasn’t a single parent.

Totally depends on circumstances. My now exH and I had moved from overseas to an area of the Uk that we'd not lived in before, and so when we separated (a year after we moved here), the only people I knew were other parents from school. A couple of the new friends I made here suggested I try online dating, just to boost my confidence and get me out and about and to meet other people away from school.

I met my DP about 7 weeks after my ex moved out, two years after we met we moved in together, and two years after that we are happier than ever! I'm really happy I

I never expected to meet someone new after my marriage ended, but I'm so glad that I had an open mind about it. I'm happier than ever

Should have said, we've two children each. My two stay with me most of the time, DP's are here 50% of the time.

@Brainfogmcfogface I think you have a very limited exposure to single mothers if that’s your genuine experience.
All the single mothers I’ve ever known were/are the opposite, perfectly capable, independent strong women that didn’t need a man and would, and often did, spot any bullshit from a mile away. That doesn’t mean single parents are never victims of abuse, just that the reality is probably the same as it is for any woman, with or without children.

As for what men would prefer, I’m fairly confident you haven’t been voted spokesperson for half the population.

I don't know why step parents are seen as a risk. Statistics show dads physically and sexually abuse (white men being the top contender by a mile off) their dc more than step dads. If you want to go by Statistics for keeping your dc safe then don't have dc with white men - and I am white.

The people who tell you to not date are the people who are unhappy in their relationship. That is on them not you.
I'm a single mum tk a 5 and 2 year old. I couldn't see myself with anyone at this point but I'm not against meeting someone in the future. Love is just so lovely and I do hope I get to have that ♥️
But right now I'm content.

You figure out what you want and remind yourself that what people says is a reflection of them not you.

Women won’t want to believe that though will they that their partner is just as much risk to their child!

My DC doesn't see his dad either!

I wouldn't be interested in a single dad. I certainly don't want to take on someone else's kids. So I'd understand if someone didn't want to take mine on either!

I’d always just be very wary of men who want to date you in order to gain access to children - it’s just something single parents need to be aware of.

I wouldn’t have a new man in the house or have them meeting my children.

Don’t know about you but I’ve been divorced 4 years and with my new boyfriend 3. DD is 11. I started only dating when she was with her Dad but now she knows DP although we have no plans to cohabit he is a permanent fixture in my life. I think slow and very careful introduction to kids is important and I’m not a massive fan of blending families but I guess it works sometimes. I don’t see why having kids should prevent you ever dating, just take it steady!