Should you date again as a single parent?

[SpinningFloppa]

What’s your thoughts on single parents dating again? Every time I mention dating I get met with a lot of negativity, “oh don’t bother” “just stay single” “OLD is hell just be happy on your own” should single parents not look for love again? Should they wait until their kids have grown up and moved out? Also hear a lot of women saying if they broke up with their partner they would stay single and not meet another man again, but would they really? What’s do you really think about single parents dating again?

If you're asking for opinions then of course a single parent is free to date, but I do very much disapprove of parents who introduce their dating partners to their children unless they genuinely believe they've met "the one".

It's easy for me to say now, but I really don't think I'd be that bothered about meeting another man. Dating in my 20s was annoying enough, I've lived alone before and quite enjoyed it.

If I became single I wouldn’t put my focus into finding a new relationship whilst my kids are so young. They take up so much of my time and attention, I wouldn’t have much left to give someone else without taking it away from them which isn’t fair. There’s also the real risk of a new, unrelated male being brought into their lives as another poster pointed out. Young children are hard work and exhausting and we get through it because we love them so much. An unrelated male however doesn’t love them, hasn’t a bond with them so will highly likely struggle and find it really difficult. The majority of harm inflicted deliberately on children is from a step parent and most of the victims are under 5. This is something all parents have to bare in mind when dating. I know not ‘all’ step parents are like that before someone shouts about it, but the risk is there.

that said, I’d casually date away from my children if something developed naturally, but I wouldn’t look for it. Id consider a relationship when my children are a bit older and if I’ve had a lot of time to get to know the chap. I have been a single parent before and I felt dating really wasn’t worth my little bit of time when my eldest was young, she was my priority and the it will be the same if I became single this time round.

I think it's just a bit of a mess really. I think being encouraged to be single is because OLD and dating in general is really terrible. From my own observations and things I've seen and read being single is actually very very attractive prospect. Just this afternoon alone there's been about 5 threads from women at the end of their tether from being the household help and men being generally lazy bores. Find peace and grab on to it with both hands. That's not to say you shouldn't go out, have fun and have sex and all that but a relationship is not the pinnacle of a happy life imo.

If you believe MN, no single parent should date as it's tantamount to abusive to your children.

And there's 100s of threads talking about step parenting/family issues.

Go figure 🤷

I started dating a few months after ex left. I too couldn't contemplate being single for the next 10 years. Especially after ex cheated on me. Me letting my ex seeing me living my best life post ex (as again MNetters encourage) was not me staying single. It was me moving on enough to love someone else and damn right I was going to find him.

I hope your dating attempts in the new year go swimmingly. Enjoy the ride and know that doing something you want to do will have a happiness rub off on your children. All the best.

Yes I think you should, though be cautious about when you introduce anyone to your children.

@Winceybincey agree on the energy point - linked to that, I guess I can't really fathom the logistics - if I were going to spend loads of money on babysitters, I would rather go out with my friends than date. But that's just my personal preference

I dated as a young single parent, and I think I was sometimes taken for “easy pickings”. It would have been better for my older dc if I hadn’t dated, but then I wouldn’t have my younger dc, who I don’t regret for a minute.
Now single again for over 8 years, youngest is 16, and I’m way too settled in my ways to make way for a man in my life.
I wouldn’t say a blanket no to single parents dating, but I would advise extreme caution.

I think it's very much each to their own. My fingers were badly burnt in my marriage/ divorce and it's made me very wary of getting into a new relationship. I have terrible boundaries. I can see that now. Starting a new relationship and making sure I enforce good boundaries just feels like it would be too much like hard work.

Also, like others said I'm not sure when I'd find the time around dd and working. Not sure as a 40 something single mother I'd attract anyone I'd like to be with.

My ex has a lovely new partner and I think the main motivation for a new relationship would be showing him I had a lovely new partner too. That feels like a silly reason to bother with dating though.

I feel like when dd has left home (if she does) I could have a kind of companionship with someone not living together or mixing finances just someone to shag and go on holiday/ to weddings with. That's the ultimate relationship dream for me now.

The single mums I know have told me that there is just so much dishonesty in the men they have met. Most of them say whatever is needed to get into bed with them. Or they think that these women should be happy to cook and entertain the man's own DC during 'his time' so he can just sit back and watch telly. Or they're cocklodgers or men who feel a single mum should thank their lucky stars that any man would 'take it all on' and so cater to them.

Even the men who have actually wanted relationships end up resenting the fact the their time is limited and that single mums aren't truly free to come and go because of child responsibilities. Or they say that they're fine with kids, but then decide they don't want the responsibilities that come with them.

I will say that most of the single women I know who've found happiness again have met their new partners through work, friends, or other social situations (hobbies, church, etc) rather than OLD. I think it's because they had friends to 'vet' the man or they've had a chance to get to know them a bit in person.

I think many women who say 'never again' are survivors of abusive men or men who expected them to do everything whilst he never gave up the bachelor life-style of beers with mates, hobbies on weekends. In other words, neglect of the marital relationship. No wonder they don't want to get involved with anyone!

But there are many of us who are in happy long marriages who also say 'never again'. I'm one of them. My DH isn't perfect by a long shot, but he's a good man with good values, and we've been happy together for over 35 years. As my mum used to say when people asked her why she had no interest in dating after my dad died "Why should I settle for hamburger when I'm used to dining on steak".

Amen to this!

My ds was 7 when me and his dad separated. When he was 10 I met the most amazing guy with two boys really close in age to my ds, we're a blended family, we all get on really well, and we live together, we now have a house full of teens- but it is great fun 😊 Not a mn promoted story, as I know it goes against the grain for anyone to believe it works... but it does!

@op... go for it! If you can get time to date (my exH had ds a couple of nights a week), and you know your boundaries then there is no reason why you shouldn't, and yes... I met my dp on OLD... go figure!

I can't think of one reason to date, but there are plenty of reasons not to.

You can’t think of one reason why someone would want to date again? 🤔 is that just single mums or all women?

I do think a lot of women have been badly burnt and I do get that but it’s why they try to put other off and it’s not because of safeguarding reasons anyone I brought around my child I would be very careful about it’s more in a “just don’t bother, what’s the point, just be on your own” way, because they want to be on their own, that’s great if that’s how you feel but other people would like to meet someone again so why so much negativity?

Me and DP started dating 2 years after I became a single parent. It was 6 months before he met DD and 11 years before he moved in though.

You should date if you want to date. Being a single parent made me realise I’m happier on my own, but if I wanted to date, I would.

I definitely think there’s increased pressure dating as a single parent, because you wanna minimise disruption to your kid/s, but I don’t think single parents have any obligation to stay single.

Op just ignore what others say. If you want to date then do it just be sensible and set your bar high. Try to weed out the undesirables and only introduce a partner to your kids when you think it’s serious that Would be my only advice.

I think it's great when kids see their mum or dad in a happy, loving relationship. If that's an environment that they see you in, then it has to be good for them. ( No personal experience here so I don't know the realities of trying to date when there are kids in the picture).

Of course single parents should date, why not?
I was single for 4 years, went on dates through dating sites for over a year before I met the one, my soulmate. Never thought I could be this happy, I was unhappy with my kids dad for almost the whole time we were together
never give up on love

It's your own choice! It's like asking 'should single women get a dog? Should single men own a car?'

There's no blanket answer and it's up to you and your situation.

Everyone is entitled to have love in their life if they want it.

FINALLY Kicked out my abusive partner a year ago after getting the courage to do so
I am 43 my Dd is 7 I’ve met the most wonderful man who dotes on me
I feel very strange almost like I don’t deserve it .. spent 13 years being called names and being told I’m basically shit
When I gave birth to my daughter premature it was extremely traumatic and Her heart stopped three times before they brought her back , in the delivery room I asked him for a sip of his Coke as I was so exhausted and parched - and do u know what he said to me ? “no that’s mine”
I was admitted for 10 days with a serious infection after that ..

please do go and find yourself love -someone who can care for you and look after you and be there for you ! you don’t need to stay single unless you want to and before you meet anyone else take some time out first!
yes you deserve love , why not .. don’t listen to others

Thank you nice to hear some positives! You would think it was a personal choice but there are some women out there who think because they have chosen to stay single other women should do the same and keep trying to push that opinion on others.

I'm newly single after 20yrs.

I totally get why people are warning you off dating as a single mother and the fact that you are baffled by it suggests you're very immature. You only have to look at a news paper to see the almost daily stories of children who have been raped, abused, neglected and murdered by mommy's new boyfriend.

That's not to say that I think every man out there is an abuser, I'm not paranoid, but I think as a single mother you have to thread carefully.

I'm not ready to date yet but when I do start, I won't be introducing my children to any new partners. I know people who have had partners for years but have managed to keep their relationship and their children completely separate until the children are 18. It takes work but it can be done.

It’s not about safeguarding I’ve already said that. If that’s the issues people were talking about then fair enough but it isn’t, and like I already said no one would be around my kids for a very long time!

How were you planning to date then out of interest?