DH wants to stay up late but I'm exhausted

[Confusedmaa]

So basically my DH won't go to bed at a reasonable time and I'm so tired. He thinks I'm being unreasonable. Our dog worships him so if he's the last to bed she pines for him, barks, scratches at the door and wakes everyone up. If DH goes to bed first the dog lies down straight away and goes off to sleep then I wait for 5 minutes then go up to bed. I have to get up earlier than DH as I have to drop DS2 off for his bus at 7am each day and also one night a week I have to get up at 2:30 to see DS1 out for his milk round (I go back to bed until 6. I'm absolutely exhausted. We've just had an argument about the whole thing. So the dog got agitated and wouldn't settle now I'm downstairs waiting for her to sleep so I can go back to bed. Have to be up at 6am in the morning. He gets loads more sleep than me. I do all the early mornings and he also falls asleep in front of the tv downstairs and I can never wake him up to get him to go to bed. He says I'm being mean by expecting him to cut his evening short. He tells me to go to bed first and he will sleep downstairs on the sofa with the dog. That always ends up making his joints really bad and he can be out of action for days and can hardly walk. Then I have to do everything.
Who is being unreasonable here? Am I in the wrong telling a grown man what time he should go to bed?

Your daughter sounds like a truly extraordinary young woman who undoubtedly will make a huge success of her life with a character and work ethic like that.

You must be so proud of her.

OP, time to make better decisions. Your alcoholic husband, dog, and sons have rings run round you.🤷🏻‍♀️ Time to drop that rope.

True!

Tell the 19 Yr old to be more careful not to wake the dog and don't get up.
It sounds to me like your husband starts falling asleep at 9 and then when you point this out to him he refuses to go to bed and keeps drinking beer, I think if he's falling asleep anyway it's a bit silly. Tell him you aren't getting enough sleep and need him to help with getting the other son up for school.
I don't know enough about dogs but it also isn't fair if it's always your job to sort the dog out. If you go to bed first does the whining wake you?

How old is DS2 OP?

I feel like you need to do a Shirley Valentine, tell them all to piss off and bugger off to Greece and have an affair with a sexy waiter seriously though this is no life for you, you’re a slave to your ungrateful lazy family and only you can change that.

Agree with PP - totally ridiculous to suggest getting rid of the dog. Get rid of the husband before you get rid of the dog!

Also rolling my eyes at people suggesting expensive remedies such as fancy armchairs and expensive dog trainers when OP is worried about them being able to afford booze.

He is 16 and just started College. The bus stop is quite a walk away so he'd have to get up even earlier to set off therefore waking us all up. His alarms sounds at least twice before he hears it. I don't mind taking him like I don't mind getting up with the eldest for half hour while he goes out for his milk round. What I do mind is DH being an absolute inconsiderate arsehole and not realising how all this effects everyone. He's still in bed by the way. I'm really going to put my foot down with all of this. It doesn't need to be this way.

TBH OP it’s a Sunday, it’s 10.40 and when you have 3 grown up children you should be entitled to a lie in if you want! Not like you have toddlers who need constantly watching and get up at 5am. There really is no need for anyone in your house to get up so early except your kids. Your DS is 16 not 6 - make him do the long walk.

Hasn't he heard of a bike? And chain it up at the bus stop?

OP can your dog sleep in your room? My dog sleeps with me and his schedule is whatever schedule I have.

And your DH is always tired because his drinking interferes with his sleep. Look into it and send the information to him.

You're pandering too much to everyone (and I know it comes from a caring side, but you're also.important. they're taking the piss)

100% this.

Yes, it also sets a bad example and means the sons don't learn independence. Like fuck would I be driving my 16 year old to the bus stop (heavy rain etc maybe being an exception), they'd be riding their bike. This, is how men grow up to lack any ability to do anything for themselves, they are spoiled by enabling mothers who infantalise and spoil them. They then go on to marry women that they expect to also run around for them and cater to them. Parents who do this make life harder for the women who marry them. It's wrong upbringing and pisses me off when women do this. I bet the 16 year old also can't boil an egg or cook a meal (or the 19 year old).

My ex was just like this and a few irritating colleagues. All lazy and enabled by their mothers.

^^ this

But also, your mentioning DH snoring and being tired all the time makes me wonder if he has sleep apnea. Might be worth him seeing the GP. If he does have that, treating it would stop the snoring and give him loads more energy.

I don't get this either.

If I were you I'd just stop being everyone's PA. Everyone by the sounds of it is old enough to sort themselves. You'll make yourself ill and resentful if you carry on like this and the reason your husband sees no issue in continuing like this is because you're helpfully going to sort everything out at the end of the day no-one suffers but you.

OP, you keep mentioning that people getting up wakes everyone else up. Unless your house is made of cardboard, this really shouldn't be the case. They need to learn to get up and leave quietly. It's like you're acting as the getting up police.

I think she means him going to bed, not falling asleep. So I imagine is drinking, falling asleep, waking up around midnight, more beers, waking up again as too much alcohol. Then finally get to sleep early hours of the morning and be no use to anyone.

I'd sure as hell be very loud with dog and hoovers etc in the morning!!

I sympathise. I too have a H who stays up late on phone, gets up multiple times for the loo (flopping back into bed heavily afterwards) and falls asleep on the sofa in the evening thus ensuring the whole cycle starts again. Separate rooms the only way to go. I’m practically sleeping in a cupboard but at least I’m happy

Dont get up with your son in the middle of the night.
If the dog barks, so be it.
Dont tell your husband where and when to sleep.
And do more for yourself.

Yes, wake him up now. If he moans about how tired he is, suggest he tries keeping off the booze and going to bed at a sensible hour; if he won't try either, he doesn't get to complain he's tired.

You need separate bedrooms. Sorry, but you do.

I think something like this too.

OP your posts made me think of myself, hoping that if I can keep everything going, if I can just do everything right, if I work hard enough, make life easy enough then I could fix our lives and make up for giving my kids to a shitty Dad and a sick mum. All you do is drive yourself to breaking point.

I have to get up at 2:30 to see DS1 out for his milk round

He's 19. You do not need to do this and you don't need to be a martyr about it.

I do all the early mornings

Why does he not do some?

You can't make him stop being an inconsiderate arsehole by driving yourself into the ground trying to smooth everything over and stop him being tired and taking it out on everyone.

I'd love my own room that's my dream 😂