Dh unemployed and spending on my salary

[Boxshibe]

I'm pissed off. Dh has gone to meetca mate with the dogs for what I thought was a drink then walking the dogs together. So far he's spent £60 in the pub. I'm pissed off.
He quit his job end of July and is struggling to find a new one ( whole other story) so we've lost 2/3 of our income. I can pay rent bills and food if we're vv careful. He promised me that he'd only spend around £20 after the train fate to meet his friend. So annoyed.

If every penny is pretty much accounted for and he's pissed £60 (prob more) up the wall unaccounted for then yes I could resent it.

NatWest sends me a text every time anything is spent on my card, no matter the amount.

Retail are recruiting now for Christmas temps. Plenty of places advertising at the moment

This shit again. It's not controlling not to want the only family income pissed up the wall so he can keep up with his mates on rounds. It's sensible, normal and prudent.

Why isn't he just taking a job on a lower salary just to have something coming in... he can still look for the right job but at least he'll be working.

Have you actually spoken to him and asked him why he's spending more than you have available?

I think he'd be ashamed to get seasonal work as it's so outside his comfort zone as he's never done it. I've done loads of care/retail work before I got career. He's worried about his age and is applying for c level positions but not getting quite there. He may need to go to developer jobs again.

@THisbackwithavengeance

The heck there would.

The circumstances have been thoroughly explained. A woman who overspend by £40 (and counting) when the family had lost 2/3 of its income, with no disceenible progress in a job search on her part would be told exactly where she was going wrong.

OP
You need to freeze the card. Your H will get the wake up call he needs when he buys the next round.

I'd be tearing him a new one when he gets home. He's laughing at you.

Aaaand the pick-me-girls have arrived. As expected. Pathetic take.

Which bit of law says that then?

It's bollocks and you know it.

I'm with you OP I'd be quite pissed off at the £60 spend as well. 1-2 drinks for around £20 - you can have a snack with a glass of wine for that (I'm SE).
So I'd not be concerned at all at that but £60 quid with only one income and Christmas on the way? I wouldn't be happy either. Especially if I was already on a tight budget and assuming not much in way of savings.

He left his previous job with no discussion???

Absolutely freeze the card ASAP.

He has taken leave of his senses.

Doesn't matter what sex you are. Spending 60 quid (and possibly more to come cos he's not home yet) when your income has gone down, things are tight and you will struggle to afford your child's birthday is selfish as fuck.

Sorry, but he doesn't get to be ashamed.

He needs to get a job. Any job. He can continue to apply and attend interviews but he can't just refuse to work for several months while spending £60 a go down the pub.

Going sideways here, but wow really? Does that include all lunches and meals? No extra coffees or eating out anything else? We're a family of 3 but each week is easily £110 and we don't each much meat at all, but that includes everything, no extra top ups.

This - £60 is one hell of a session!

£60 is one hell of a session!

It's really not. He's probably had some food too.

Doesn't matter what sex you are. Spending 60 quid (and possibly more to come cos he's not home yet) when your income has gone down, things are tight and you will struggle to afford your child's birthday is selfish as fuck.

Well said.

He can't afford to indulge his pride and his sense of entitlement (that's what is behind any sense of shame).

This is a question of basic maths. Either money comes in to pay for the family's needs or it does not.

😂

He’s obviously not as good as he thinks he is then, overinflated ego, entitlement he hasn’t earned. Get him to claim JSA for his spends and NI credits and then that can be his money.
If I was in his position, I would do any job I can to provide for my daughter.

Well that's madness to quit your job when you're going to struggle to get another because of your age. Unless not working again was your plan, that is...

I'd issue an ultimatum, get another job (anything) within the month, or leave. He's leaching off you. Spending money you don't have. He shouldn't have quit. He is taking the piss making out your work trip, paid for on expenses, is you going out socialising. Kick him out before he tries to claim resident parent status (as the one who is home all the time) and you end up paying him child support and barely seeing your kids.

I don't think he'll be entitled to jobseekers if she's working. They'll take her wages into account. He could maybe have claimed on his NI contributions for a limited time, if he'd claimed straight away (although maybe not if he quit and wasn't made redundant?), but he hasn't paid NI contributions since he left the job so that option is gone.

He can claim if he lives separately to OP because he's got no income.

Seeing though OP appears to be able to see where the money has been spent, I'm assuming this is a joint account. I do agree that this would usually be 'family money'. £60 really does take the piss, esp. when £20 was agreed on, that's inexcusable, but it isn't theft.

I wouldn't be texting, I'd be phoning and ask him to stop spending. £60 is taking the piss

I think he'd be ashamed to get seasonal work as it's so outside his comfort zone as he's never done it.

Who gives a fuck? If it's you, you need to stop pandering to his selfish arse.

What he should be ashamed of is leaching off his wife, taking the piss and spending his DD birthday present money down the pub!

'He wouldn't physically be able to do anything seasonal.'

-why?