To feel sad that I'll only be a MIL / other mother / other nan

[Thisismynamenow]

Following another post where OP is blatantly creating double standards between the frequency and allowance of MIL visiting over her DM, I feel very sad that this is the case for most people.

MN seems to demonise MILs and the 'Inlaw' family to a point where they should only be tolerated and visited as infrequently as possible and only out of duty not desire.

My MIL is hard work with multiple addition needs and narcissism as a result of past trauma so I don't have that usual MIL experience, but I do make lots of effort, go shopping with her, invite her for dinner regularly and spend alot of time with the DH side of the family.

My mom doesn't like her MIL either because my mom wasn't good enough for my dad apparently. I don't actually know anyone who likes their MIL :(

I have a baby son, and future children are likely to be sons (my DH family is mainly boys). I love my son massively but sad I'll likely always be a mother of sons. Sad because mother of sons always seem to be the other mother, the tolerated and hated one, some for good reason but others just because your not the DILs mom.

I hope to raise my son(s) to be independent, loving and committed, and would eventually love a DIL (or SIL whatever he wants) I could have a great relationship with rather than the negative one relayed on here. But reading all these posts makes me feel it's never going to happen and I'll just be the tolerated mother.

Is this just a MN thing hating MIL or is this reallife?

It isn't that simple. I have 3 DsIL and one ex DIL, 3 of them I get on well with although obviously not always straightforward with the ex but one DIL who looks down her nose at me and the rest of the family. We have all tried so hard but one by one by other kids and their partners are just deciding it isn't worth the effort. I'm starting to feel the same but keep trying for my son's sake. If you are right what makes me unlikeable when I've always got on well with my children's partners since they were teenagers? Do I have a personality change when she's around? Or maybe, just maybe it's her not me.

My MIL is mother to 2 sons. She is a massive part of our life and now our DS life in fact he sees her over my own parent. Not all MIL are horrible

I have a fantastic MiL she helped immensely when the children were small. I can now pay her back as she has Alzheimer's and I help care for her

Nonsense. Some women treat their perfectly likeable MiLs appallingly.
A woman's personality is not role dependent with all DiLs automatically reasonable and all MiLs wrong by default.
For the relationship to work its just as important the DiL is fair, decent and inclusive as it is for the MiL to be likeable.

I like my MIL more than my own mum most of the time. She spends more time with us and she is far less of a pain when she does!

"Nonsense. Some women treat their perfectly likeable MiLs appallingly.
A woman's personality is not role dependent with all DiLs automatically reasonable and all MiLs wrong by default.
For the relationship to work its just as important the DiL is fair, decent and inclusive as it is for the MiL to be likeable."

Absolutely. Some Dils are horrible people.
One I know, makes snide remarks to her mil when her dh isn't around and always makes a point about saying MY family to make sure the in laws know she would never include them as family and excludes them from events. The mil is so lovely and thankfully has another dil who adores her.

I wish my MiL was around longer. She died fairly early in our marriage. She was lovely, very much on my side always telling DH to listen to me. He's always been supportive and caring and I put that down to her and his dad. I was always treated like a daughter.

I have three lovely sons and my daughter in laws are great, we all get on well and they spoil me rotten. We see them or talk to each other often and they’re always inviting me round or taking me for fancy days out. I love them dearly.
That’s my experience anyway.