In thinking my manager is hugely insensitive for wearing these things into work?

[Mandarinthyme]

Our department head is very young and glamorous and is fairly new to the company. We know her salary range as it was stated alongside the job advert (a six figure salary whilst the rest of the team are lucky to earn a quarter of that). Every day she swans in to the office like she’s dressed for the catwalk, different designer handbags (the very obvious types - think Gucci, LV etc), Rolex watch, Cartier bracelets, designer belts and shoes. Not to mention the perfect nails, hair and everything else that we just cannot afford these days.

Meanwhile our large team is underpaid and overworked. The recent financial climate means many of us are struggling to heat our homes, worrying about mortgage/rental price hikes and generally having to really cut back. We are all office based and this is something we talk about frequently in conversation, so she’s completely aware of this. She’s previously had the cheek to say that we are all feeling the pinch given the financial situation, which is an absolute insult when she rubs her wealth in our faces 5 days a week.

AIBU in feeling completely incensed by this and wondering how on earth she can think it’s appropriate?! The whole team are upset with this and considering raising it with HR.

What's wrong with being nouveau riche though?

Bit snobby for someone to look down their nose at someone who wasn't BORN rich. Some people actually WORK for their wealth. Sounds like the OP's manager did, and the OP is bitterly jealous of her.

I'll work with your manager op. We can swap, you can work with my ex-manager that relentlessly bullied me for not having children due to infertility. I'd quite like something so lighthearted as this to moan about instead.

My work wardrobe quite often attracted surprise, criticism and ridicule from my bosses and colleagues. So?

my boss was like that. Very rich and posh but came to work in a little runaround car. Very nouveau riche to display ostentatious wealth!

Oh God. How appallingly common to have nice things. The next thing will be how the truly well born have motheaten pre-war Savile Row suits and holes in their Church shoes. Neither of which are appropriate office wear. If I ruled the world and was Jacob Rees-Mogg's boss I'd tell him to go home and get changed.

At the end of the day, as long as she is dressed for business then HR won't care. I'm sure if her attire was inappropriate her own boss would have noticed and HR would already be aware. Just because it's more expensive than you would like it to be and/or not to your taste, doesn't mean she can't wear it.

You also don't know how she came to have her clothes/accessories. Maybe they were gifts, maybe she inherited or won a sum of money and treated herself, they could be fakes, or she may buy them second hand - I know lots of people who have found all kinds of designer items in charity shops - and of course there is eBay etc.

As for perfect hair and nails - that is nothing to do with wealth - that's just called grooming. I know many women who are always immaculate in that respect but certainly don't earn a fortune.

How she can afford the items is actually none of your business and is not necessarily related to her current financial position. She might have purchased the items at a time when the cost of living was less challenging. It doesn't mean she is buying those things every other week. I've often complimented someone at work on an item of clothing that I've assumed to be v expensive only for them to tell me they got a bargain on eBay or that it's a good imitation piece. You are making a lot of assumptions simply based on this woman getting this job with a good salary - which you clearly begrudge.

As for "flaunting" it - I have a feeling the woman is probably just walking into the office with confidence - and why not - it sounds like she looks amazing, she has a great new job - good for her! Unless she is walking up to each of you going "LOOK AT MY NEW GUCCI BAG!" every other day then it does sadly just sound like you are jealous and bitter at someone younger than you earning more and doing well for themselves.

Ultimately there will always be people at work who have things you don't or who earn more. There are women at work who have nice jewellery, or who have a nicer house than me or a nicer car - and always have done regardless of the economy. Whether or not there was a cost of living crisis, I suspect you would still take issue with this woman because she is earning a lot more than you and is (seemingly) able to afford things you can't.

Regardless of all of the above though, it is not an HR issue. If the woman is dressed for the office and adhering to the company dress code, then she is doing nothing wrong. You should be careful about making a bigger issue of it as it could certainly be considered workplace bullying if you insist on gossiping and targeting this woman because of her clothes. That kind of behaviour almost always gets back to the person being targeted and it rarely ends well.

Exactly! Such a snobby attitude to not want previously poor people to have money! Oh the horror!!!

OP, is this older women taking a slight against a younger one? Is she a good manager? If so, surely that’s more important as a quality.

If I got wind of colleagues who I was managing behaving in this manner, you would be managed out.
Nasty team.

Unfortunately if there's a large group, you can't really do that.

OP, the Manager is a right cow, in my opinion. Complete lack of empathy.

Oh yes, you can. Cut out the ring leader. We targeted 5 slackers, gossipers, and general wasters in the team I adopted. Gone within 6 months, and some went within weeks.

our chairman made a lovely video for us plebs last xmas, thanking us for our hard work, confirming we had £25 a head toward a party (for us to organise and prepay and claim back) and then told everyone how excited he was to be takig his whole family to Lapland for Xmas. Didnt go down well ...
but then that's a one off and he seems a decent geezer

OP, is this older women taking a slight against a younger one?

Yep, OP makes a point of mentioning that she is "very young and glamorous", which has no relevance to her claim that this woman is making a conscious choice to deliberately flaunt her wealth. Reading between the lines, OP's manager is a young, attractive woman who has done well for herself and we all know that attracts jealousy and bitchinesss.

YABU, OP. If she's not in violation of your company dress code then HR cannot tell her to dress differently. They will think your complaint is odd and most likely motivated by petty jealousy. They wouldn't be unreasonable since you haven't just complained about her expensive clothing or accessories, you've also mentioned being offended by her hair and nails...for all you know she just has lovely hair that is easy to style, some people are lucky like that, and she might do her nails herself. But the fact that you've referenced this suggests that it's not the show of wealth that bothers you, it's the f

Do you work with the OP?

Posted too soon, its not the show of wealth that bothers you its the fact that she comes into work looking stunning.

I need to go to HR - My colleague is single and lives at home so has far less outgoings as the rest of the rest of us parents in her cash strapped team.

I will ask HR to reduce her pay immediately and hand it to the rest of the team - because times are hard and we need it more.

(just in case - the above is sarcasm)

Bet if he was a bloke in a flash car with an expensive suit, you’d think him well turned out.

She can spend her salary as she wishes

Are you one of the "close knit group"?

@Mandarinthyme oh look you've got a sock, hope it's top quality!

@WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps Blowing out someone else's candle, doesn't make yours shine any brighter ya know!

That is a brilliant saying I have not heard before. Thank you

A top quality sock would be highly insensitive. It should be cheap, ideally with holes.

The pettiest thing I have ever seen on mumsnet.

My boss drives a Mercedes, I drive a kia. Guess I better get onto HR and complain….

If you think you are worth more, ask for a pay rise or look for another job. Don’t just get bitter about you bosses Rolex.

Also people value different things, you may value stability and having money in your bank. Your boss may be up to her eyes in credit card debt paying for all that stuff because that’s what she wants.

This is a joke right? So you think she should buy cheaper stuff to wear to work to make you all feel better? You’re being ridiculous.

You reek of jealousy. Sorry, you do. I'm not missing any point, I'm not being obtuse, that's just a fact.

You say you wouldn't have been considered for her role - therefore I can only assume that you are several rungs below her.

Let me tell you now her job will come with stresses you couldn't imagine. She will be on call 24/7 for that amount of money, expected to make decisions swiftly and correctly and very much in the firing line if it goes wrong. Can you say the same?

You're coming across as petty and spiteful, I hope you all do go to HR and I hope they quite rightly mark all of your cards as trouble making bullies, and then laugh you out of the room.

I am seeing this so much in businesses lately, directors and heads of cannot win unless they quite literally live their life as if they are in poverty.

It is not this woman's fault you feel underpaid. Take that to HR instead and fight for it instead of doing nothing proactive and expecting it to be handed to you