In thinking my manager is hugely insensitive for wearing these things into work?

[Mandarinthyme]

Our department head is very young and glamorous and is fairly new to the company. We know her salary range as it was stated alongside the job advert (a six figure salary whilst the rest of the team are lucky to earn a quarter of that). Every day she swans in to the office like she’s dressed for the catwalk, different designer handbags (the very obvious types - think Gucci, LV etc), Rolex watch, Cartier bracelets, designer belts and shoes. Not to mention the perfect nails, hair and everything else that we just cannot afford these days.

Meanwhile our large team is underpaid and overworked. The recent financial climate means many of us are struggling to heat our homes, worrying about mortgage/rental price hikes and generally having to really cut back. We are all office based and this is something we talk about frequently in conversation, so she’s completely aware of this. She’s previously had the cheek to say that we are all feeling the pinch given the financial situation, which is an absolute insult when she rubs her wealth in our faces 5 days a week.

AIBU in feeling completely incensed by this and wondering how on earth she can think it’s appropriate?! The whole team are upset with this and considering raising it with HR.

No this is a bunch of jealous close knit workforce already employed. Nothing about the end client.

This is an interesting one. Can people be obliged to dress down for work, appear to have clothes from charity shops etc I am not sure it is an HR issue hwoever.

Nobody has a right to try to get someone sacked when they haven’t broken any rules and are doing their job.
She does have the right to dress how she wants as long as she’s not breaking a dress code.
The OP and her team do not have a right to address this in any way. They don’t get a say in what somebody else wears unless it breaks the dress code.
If anyone has a right to anything here it would be for the manager to not have the team bitching about her, making personal remarks and plotting ways to cause problems for her in the workplace because that’s bullying.

1. Fucking hilarious.
2. Good luck with getting the manager for sacked for doing absolutely nothing wrong.
3. Addressing how she wants? That would be the first time MN poster who bailed several pages ago.
4. And what responsibilities would this be? And whose?

I agree it’s not a HR issue. In fact if HR raised it, I think the boss would probably have grounds herself to raise a grievance. But I do think the boss is possibly showing a slight lack of cultural empathy…there’s a time & place to flash finery and perhaps this workplace isn’t it. The team might be wrong but you can’t argue that the bosses dress choices have created a cold atmosphere.

This is a depressingly common opinion (not just on MN but certainly it's a hot bed).

The sheer distain for anyone who has elevated their own position and/or achieved a level of success is depressing.

The idea always seems to be that anyone in a high position got there through nepotism or sheer good fortune and that everyone on the bottom rung is toiling away all day to 'make the rich richer'.

Whilst this is sometimes the case, dare I say that much of the time, people have worked hard to get to their position (either through academia or career progression). Business owners MIGHT be the child of a millionaire who gave them their start in life OR might have risked everything and worked hard to build a company from scratch.

Likewise this 'nobility in poverty' assertion and the idea that all low-wage staff and slogging their guts our 12 hours a day to pay for the bosses Bentley misses the point. Firstly, I know many people in low-paying jobs that treat their jobs as such. Also (again, with the 'silver spoon' exceptions) many highly paid staff (and business owners) will have paid their dues and, even if they may 'appear' to do less work, their probably reaping the rewards of historic toil.

Hatred of success and successful people is only occasionally justified and, more frequently, is merely jealousy in disguise or regret of a personal path chosen.

I've worked very hard, have higher level qualifications with lots of responsibility but I will never be a CEO. I just think that managers need to have some sensitivity especially when things are so hard. Having a CEO saying how hard it is to upkeep three houses whilst some staff are really struggling to afford one home is not on.

HR obviously cannot do anything. But it discourages the workforce when others have so much more.

What is her salary, OP?

100,000 is very different to 600,000.

We have a household income of £150k and certainly can't afford premium designer clothes and accessories like Rolex watches!

If she's on a 100k, maybe she has rich parents or a rich husband?

I dont hate successful people. I am one!

But I'm not insensitive enough to moan about my lot when I know others cannot afford to heat their homes.

I just think that managers need to have some sensitivity especially when things are so hard.

And people who keep saying 'I've worked very hard'. Most people work hard in their jobs, there's no need to announce it.

It’s ridiculous to raise this with HR. However your manager probably doesn’t have very good EQ and isn’t doing much for the morale of her team. Yes she should wear whatever she likes. Why should she have to dress down? But there’s certain cultural norms at different workplaces which you sometimes have to consider.

I work in a specialised company all with very senior folks who earn decent salaries. It’s managed by a group of very well paid partners but they are sensitive not to flash the cash too much and are generous with benefits and perks.

I once worked as an intern in a publishing company aged about 20. Being paid absolute peanuts, as were the vast majority of the editorial staff. We’d often work on deadlines until 9pm. The managing editor, on stressful days, would bugger off at 5pm to get her hair washed and blow dried. She’d come back in to the office after an hour all fragrant and relaxed ready to berate us all until we hit the deadline. I’ve never forgotten that behaviour.

This. Obviously the OP and her colleagues are jealous and they need to sort that out, but the manager should read the room.

When people wear that many ostentatious designer brands all at once, I assume it’s fake. Maybe I’m alone in that cynicism… Fake
or not, I would assume that someone dripping in obvious labels is probably quite insecure and is hoping that showing their wealth will
make people like/respect them more. Sadly, it often does the opposite.

Having said that, I think YABU to say that she shouldn’t be allowed to dress expensively because it makes other people feel bad. That’s like saying very attractive people should only be allowed to wear unflattering clothes, because if they are allowed to flaunt what they have, it highlights the unfairness of the genetic lottery and makes other people feel bad. Presumably she worked hard to get to the place where she is earning that salary, and even if it is tone deaf for her to flaunt her wealth so aggressively, she is within her rights to do so.

What exactly gives you the right to dictate what she can or can’t wear (within company rules)? Or the rest of your team for that matter.

Exactly. The OP needs to get over herself and grow up. Where does this nonsense stop? Would she expect people in her office not to buy a house incase it upsets those who cant afford to buy, what about banning people from having photographs of their children on their desk or even being visibly pregnant incase those who struggle to conceive are upset by it?

🙄

@LDN1

A good manager 'reads the room'. The person being described is obviously not doing that.

My father, later in his career, could afford a very nice car but he went to work in a humble vehicle so that employees would not feel the divide. It's just basic people skills. Nothing wrong with what this girl is doing ... just not very clever either.

Is this a serious post?! 😂

@YouSirNeighMmmm

Why can OP not exercise her right to try to get this woman sacked? Why does OP have to be the one to leave? Freedom works all ways - if you think this woman has the right to behave how she wants then OP has the right to address it how she wants.

Let me guess. You are very right wing and you believe an awful lot in rights, but rarely accept that with rights come responsibilities?

You sound obcessed with it all. Not healthy behaviour.

To be fair, my boss was like that. Very rich and posh but came to work in a little runaround car.

Very nouveau riche to display ostentatious wealth!

If she wasn’t wearing designer clothes but lived in a huge house would this be the same? Or drove and expensive car. She can spend her money on what she likes or maybe some of the clothes are gifts/fake/second hand via Vinted etc- you don’t know. It is awful that many people are really feeling the impact of the rising cost of living but does that mean others should not be spending their earnings how they wish? I presume she pays all the tax she’s meant to. It’s unhealthy to be this bitter that you wish to complain to HR about her and are all grouping together to whinge about her.

@Mandarinthyme Don't people generally wear the office uniform? Not a uniform like you are police officer or a firefighter or hard hats and steel capped boots on building sites but things that people in that workplace wear to do the job and fit in with the culture.

Unless someone is wearing dangerous, dirty or indecent clothes or things that are impractical or in some other way inappropriate for their work environment then surely they can wear what they want within reason, can't they? That goes just as much for people who wear Primark to those who wear Prada.

In another life my tasks included not only my written job description but also telling people that their clothing choices were not appropriate for our work environment. Sparkly flip flops in the summer loomed large. My opinion on sparkly flip flops was not relevant. They were just not appropriate footwear. Tales of woe about the heat, bunions, affordability and fashion individuality washed over me and I would repeat: "That is not the dress code. Could you turn up tomorrow in filled in court shoes from M&S or I will have no alternative but to escalate this matter because you are boring my tits off and I have something else to do?"

I once had a delegation from a department upset because another department regularly went out to lunch together whereas they sat at their desks and ate homemade sandwiches. Like you @Mandarinthyme they thought these people were rubbing their noses in their perceived wealth. That was one of the many things that made me think I wasn't getting paid enough.

I don't remember anyone in Gucci shoes and a Rolex ever causing that much grief.

Why do I get the feeling that if this young, glamorous, successful woman had come to work wearing exactly the same as the OP, OP and her cronies would still have found fault with her?

This. ^

Agree.