To clean or not to clean for inlaws? Embarrassed about our house.

[ThreeLittleBirds11]

My inlaws live in a different part of the country now and are coming to stay near us for the first time next week. Sounds terrible but I'm just so pleased we don't have enough space for them to actually stay in our house. However, they will still be spending a lot of time with us in our home which is nice but do I make a special effort to clean and present the house better or should they just take us as they find us?

So for context... dh and I both work, we have a 4yo and a baby. Plus, dh, myself and very likely dc1, all have adhd! So we're not exactly the most functional people around the home!

My mil likes things clean, tidy and well presented (in her house) so this makes me feel a bit pressurised. They've seen our house plenty of times before but they've never spent more than an hour tops in it.

We have stuff everywhere, stains on chairs, walls, floors, and grass that hasn't been cut for weeks and weeks. Clean clothes rarely find themselves in wardrobes or cupboards. Instead they gather in piles on the landing waiting to be distributed. The kitchen units are fairly cluttered and the fridge and hob need a good clean.

On the plus side, the bathrooms are always very clean as I'm super fussy about clean toilets. So inlaws should be OK in there! 😂

The other thing is, dc1 has toileting accidents (no. 1s) every so often so I can sometimes smell that in the carpet despite always cleaning it after. That particularly embarrasses me.

Would you spruce up the house for inlaws? Or just let them see it for how it really is?

Now this is making me think of the thread about home visits from schools for new children in reception. If a home visit was done here, what would the outcome be?

Yes I’d do a “big clean” before they get here. When they leave I’d secretly pleased house is clean and acknowledged they were the catalyst for it.

During the clean I’d curse them, my house and even the day I met DH. 🍷

@ThreeLittleBirds11 Do you know exactly what is under your carpet and under the underlay?

You could be scrubbing til the end of time but if urine has soaked into floorboards or concrete, it will do you no good, there is no way that scrubbing the carpet will get that out (and as I said before, frankly scrubbing one side of a carpet when the urine has soaked through the backing and into the underlay, will not work, which you find out as soon as theres a humid day that re-activates all the urine crystals trapped deep down).

If there IS concrete/floor boards etc underneath then you need to lift the carpet, and paint that underlying surface with a stain/odour blocker paint - Dulux make one, Zinsser make one which I used on a floor that someones dogs and cats had weed on that I couldn't afford to lift and was planning on carpeting, and that worked very well indeed, totally trapping the pong underneath, stopping those urine crystals from rehydrating and ponging!.

I really don't think teachers doing a home visit will care about a bit of untidiness! If there are obvious safeguarding concerns - an aggressive dog, dried faeces on the floor, packets of medication lying around in reach of children - then yes, concerns would be raised. But a not-quite-toilet-trained toddler having an accident? No, they won't be worried about that.

I think you’re minimising the issue quite severely. They might not care about a young child having accidents, but dirty food storage, clothes being stored in a pile on the dirty carpet, and a child who can’t access their bedroom or bed because of the level of clutter and mess? That’s an issue. I don’t think op needs harshness but I also don’t think it helps to minimise things and imply she’s fine and this is a normal way of life.

Honestly I clean for everyone including myself, and I have a cleaner once a week

Could you afford someone to come in and do it? If you really don't have the time or energy k

It depends how much you care. We both work fulltime and more, yet we have got our house sale ready from scratch in a week. You can do it if you want to, you just sound like you don't want to...

Yes, you need to clean up.

honestly i would be cleaning for yourself. either one of you take the kids out and clean then swap- or spend a few hours when they are in bed to clean.

I would not want my house in a mess at anytime, bit of clutter possibly. not mess and dirt!

I would give it spruce up. It doesn't have ti be show house ready, but maybe put clothes away.
Or in your room, so your family don't see. That's a trick I learnt early, if it's shoved in a cupboard and the door closed. No one will know, so long as they don't go opening the door.
Rug doctor is great, you hire them to shampoo the carpet, our tesco rent them out, they are easy to use and don't take ages to dry.

Dear God ! Clean. Your. House.

@Kanaloa Poor OP is already mortified by earlier comments and I just don't think anyone needs to make her feel worse by suggesting that she might be referred to social services when teachers see her house when they do the home visit.

Yes, the fridge coukd probably do with being cleaned. But she vacuums at least weekly, so the upstairs carpets won't be dirty and it doesn't really matter if laundry is stacked there. And although people are making a big thing about the DD not being able to access her room because of the clothes, she's only 15 months! Lots of 15 month olds still share their parents room - mine certainly did, in her cot. If OP and her DH don't mind DD being there and they need to use the other room for storage, I think that's fine.

It does sound as though she's at a particularly difficult time of life, and I'm.sure sh'ell gradually get on top of things as the kids get older.

It does matter when people are minimising it, suggesting she just ‘shove it all in a cupboard’ to hide how they’re living, and suggesting it’s fine because they’re professionals rather than ‘drug addicts.’ She seems mortified and I feel sorry for her in that but the answer is in supporting her & her DH to get help to make sure they and the children are living in a normal environment, not insisting that in fact this is fine and not at all damaging to children.

And it’s not ‘storage’ and a fridge that could ‘do with being cleaned.’ OP admits that the clothes live in piles on the carpet and that the fridge and hob (where food is stored and cooked) are regularly dirty. That’s not normal or acceptable.

ADHD and autism in the mix here. Had to deep clean kitchen and hall when the boiler broke and boiler man came - mortified when he wanted to check radiators in other rooms!
For your own mental welbeing try to clean up before inlaws as it will be you feeling awkward not them. Hugs.

I agree. You owe it to your children to have a nicer home environment. And once cleaned, hopefully you'll find it easier to keep on top of. Tidy as much as you can, then get a cleaner in to do a deep clean. I would hire a carpet cleaner too.

It will take at least a day but yes clean it.

Definitely spruce up, also bicarbonate soda on urine stains should get rid of smell xx

Clean it and do it for yoirself

Get a couple of cleaners in for a two-hour clean-up and get the grass mowed. ADHD isn't an excuse for living in a midden.
You must feel embarrassed about it otherwise you wouldn't be asking for our opinions.

Just a matter of time.

I would get a cleaner to do a one off clean if you can’t afford a regular cleaner. Is the going rate £13/h? With you both working in reasonably well paid jobs it must be doable. I think you need a plan going forward. Seems that it’s got to the stage where you can’t see a way out and it’s getting worse. What happens if your kids want to invite friends round? I saw a tv programme where there was chaos similar to your house and one child was desperately trying to have some order in her life by keeping her own room spotless and tidy. I thought it was quite sad. Think of your kids.

Harsh

Tidy and clear house is so good for mental health.

Clean it of course. Or get a cleaner for a one off deep clean. You won’t regret it!