AIBU to ask your experience of having a very bright child?

[MaryShelley1818]

We just had our first parents evening and DS's report was extremely good. (Understatement)
His reading and writing are excellent (never done any of this at home or prior to him starting school 6wks ago). Excellent Maths skills, very good at PE, excellent imagination and creativity, very confident and mature. The teacher said usually children are very academic OR very creative but he literally has it all and is working at the very top end for everything. He's been standing up and speaking in assembly and she has to ask him to put his hand down and let other children answer sometimes as she knows he will know the answer (absolutely fine with this). Also very mature and expressive language.

We don't focus on academics in our house, but more on values of being kind. She said he has a special friendship and bond with a little girl who needs additional help and checks she is ok and has her specialised equipment etc Also he is described as having beautiful manners and being genuinely liked by other children.

So.....After Parents evening other parents were chatting and sharing and I found myself feeling embarrassed and uncomfortable sharing DS's as I didn't want to look like I was bragging or make him (or me) look smug. I found myself really playing it down, and even making up areas that he could improve (DS not there). Is it inevitable that I can't be proud of him or that I'll always have to play his successes down? Am I overthinking? A couple of parents did comment he was very mature and not an "average 4yr old". I don't want him to feel different or feel bad for being intelligent. (Me and DH are average, degree educated but not by any stretch academic).

I know it sounds like a stealth boast but it's really not.

Personally, I hate this whole "read to your child" stuff . I have read every night to my children...one has SEN to the point we don't know if he will remain in mainstream school for secondary and the other is Mr Average.

Reading to them every night has been great for bonding and some good vocabulary but di implore other parents not to do it only to boost their child's academic progress....if they are academic they will excel anyway and if not, it may never really show, whatever you do.

Yeah I'm a bit cynical but.....😵‍💫 I get a bit fed up with all this crowing.

I'm so very sorry its made you feel down, I'm sure your lovely girl has lots of wonderful qualities.

My DN is autistic and is the most wonderful child, fills all our days with sunshine he's such a lovely boy.

I also work with children (not in Education) and they're all very special in their own way no matter what school is like for them xx

I have explained, and been given lots of helpful advice thank you.

It's a completely new environment for her. Whatever future she faces she knows she has a happy home ❤️

But equally often kids who are precocious at 4 turn out to be highly average in a few years time when everything evens out. Kids develop at different rates.

So I've heard 🤣🤣 I think I got that after Page One but unfortunately there wasn't really another way for me to ask the question so c'est la vie.

I hear you. I do think reading is the key but it’s not a magic cure all…

Im dyslexic as is my sister and one of my children - I get the frustration (really I do) but it does make a huge difference.

if you have an academic child you stifle their ability to build knowledge without books - they will naturally want to extend themselves and if you have books about they will do that (otherwise they just read the same stuff time and again, great for reading doesn’t extend knowledge). the internet does not provide the same focus.

Good luck making friends @MaryShelley1818 , could be a long 7 years for you at the gates if you become 'that mum'

I think bonding and vocabulary sounds like a good enough reason to do it.

We read because I just absolutely love stories, I did my last degree in English Literature and did Children's Literature as a module, I've waited 20yrs to have children of my own to share these books with (I'm an older parent). It's my only hobby.

I do think it's helped DS but it wasn't my reason for doing so.

He's not written any plays but my six year old is learning how to code. 😉

I don't want luck to make friends! I honestly don't have time to keep up with my existing friends (not that I've got hundreds I'm just very short on free time). I've made a few and I'm friendly and kind in RL. Not something I need to worry about. But thank you for your concern 🙂

I've got my popcorn in - waiting for tales of children writing plays at the age of five. Don't disappoint me mumsnet
My 4/5 year old (not the maths genius I mentioned earlier, one of my other DC) did wrote cute little comic books and the teacher put them in the school library!

@MaryShelley1818

Crikey you are a bit full of yourself aren't you!! Glad I've not come across your type at school 🤣

Write not wrote, he’s obviously better at writing than me.

😂😂😂

Both my children have tested as geniuses, but if I say that in public, even though it's demonstrably true, I'll be excoriated. So will you. My advice is to play it down. Not talking about it all is best. Others will figure out on their own how smart your son is.

My other piece of advice is to keep him busy with challenging activities that excite his mind. Otherwise he will be bored. He will likely find school very boring, too.

Good luck--it is tough but very rewarding to parent extremely bright children. Now, let's watch MN prove my first point.

This got me thinking too🤔🧐

Don't lose heart. That first PT meeting can be gut-wrenching and shocking for parents, but I promise you it will get better from this point onwards as the right scaffolding is put in place for your child. What you see in your child is still your experience of your child. She is still your "bright and happy" child. Lots of young children behave very differently in school environment to home for a multitude many reasons. 💐

Don't tell other parents how well your child is doing ever. Even when they get a First from Oxford, stick to generalities and dance around your house with your family where you can all boast your hearts out. My DC is now 30 and I am still careful what I say to other parents. They really don't want to hear about a high achiever if their child is not.

I'm really not.

On this thread I've admitted:

I got the title wrong
I gave too much detail in the OP
I overthink
I have anxiety
I had PND and was a terrible mother for a full year

I've got lots and lots of faults but I'm not going to just sit and accept every single nasty thing that's being thrown at me. Like everyone else I do have some good points.

Yes indeed, thank you xx

Not RTFT but ds1 was this sort of child, started reception unable to read and one of the younger ones, by end of reception had done all Oxford reading tree and was a free reader. Bright as a button and at greater depth for everything all the way through infants and juniors. Passed his 11+ and attends grammar school. Now in year 10, still as bright as a button but has little work ethic because he’s had it so bloody easy, so god only knows how it’ll turn out for him, he’s on track for 7/8 across the board for GCSE and to be honest I’d love to see him put the effort in and get a few 9’s.
He’s still a moody ass teenager though 😂.

@SlouchingTowardsBethlehemAgain

Quite right. You don't want to hear about it. It's boastful!

I think that parents who have an easy time of school with their kids have absolutely no idea how challenging school can be for other children whether through neurodiversity, low academic ability or crippling MH issues. It's heartbreaking, a daily battle requiring the toughest emotional armour and can be very challenging for the whole family unit; the fallout can be far reaching.

So while it's wonderful for you that your child isn't struggling in this way and is likely going to sail through school based education, keep in mind the bitter old sods like me who have never had a good, let alone glowing, parents evening. We battle pur waythrough our children's schooling. Keep his successes to yourself.

Thank you, very wise advice. I think my initial instincts to play it down have definitely been proven correct. He currently does no extra activities so if there's something he's interested in in the future and enjoys we'll look into that.

OP, your lad sounds lovely and I’m pleased he’s doing so well! Unfortunately, I think it’s a British thing to not “show off” our achievements (or subsequently or children achievements). Even as an adult, I feel embarrassed if I exceed at something and will deliberately play down my accomplishments in front of other people. I don’t think this is a particularly healthy way to be so hopefully you can find a good middle ground so your son grows up being able to be proud and confident of his achievements.

@MrsSpoon78 damn straight you are bitter.

In my previous post I detail about my DS1 who is a high achiever.

Let me mention DS3 who is ASD, a ball of anxiety and generally doesn’t like school.

I don’t have to keep DS1 achievements quiet because of DS3 and neither should OP