AIBU to ask your experience of having a very bright child?

[MaryShelley1818]

We just had our first parents evening and DS's report was extremely good. (Understatement)
His reading and writing are excellent (never done any of this at home or prior to him starting school 6wks ago). Excellent Maths skills, very good at PE, excellent imagination and creativity, very confident and mature. The teacher said usually children are very academic OR very creative but he literally has it all and is working at the very top end for everything. He's been standing up and speaking in assembly and she has to ask him to put his hand down and let other children answer sometimes as she knows he will know the answer (absolutely fine with this). Also very mature and expressive language.

We don't focus on academics in our house, but more on values of being kind. She said he has a special friendship and bond with a little girl who needs additional help and checks she is ok and has her specialised equipment etc Also he is described as having beautiful manners and being genuinely liked by other children.

So.....After Parents evening other parents were chatting and sharing and I found myself feeling embarrassed and uncomfortable sharing DS's as I didn't want to look like I was bragging or make him (or me) look smug. I found myself really playing it down, and even making up areas that he could improve (DS not there). Is it inevitable that I can't be proud of him or that I'll always have to play his successes down? Am I overthinking? A couple of parents did comment he was very mature and not an "average 4yr old". I don't want him to feel different or feel bad for being intelligent. (Me and DH are average, degree educated but not by any stretch academic).

I know it sounds like a stealth boast but it's really not.

My first was like this in reception. Me and DH only got C's in our GCSE and we're not highly academic but our eldest is amazing. He was the same as your son, when he started reception he couldn't read. By the end of September he could read fluently. He didn't go to nursery either, he stayed at preschool until he was 4. He didn't know any children when he started but settled amazing and always had loads of friends.

He is 10 now and in year 6, it hasn't changed.. he has always been top in everything and I've never had anything bad about him from parents evening. He has a great group of friends and lovely handwriting. He works hard and joins in with discussions.

Honestly in lockdown he was more help teaching DD than I was!

I understand about feeling uncomfortable, I did the same if anybody asked me. You should be proud and encourage him as much as possible because it definitely helps! Something which has helped is all my children love to read. We focused a lot on reading and every teacher has said it shows in their writing and imagination! They've all said they can tell which children read and who doesn't!

My DS was “very bright” at 4. Highly dyslexic, can’t spell and hates writing at 10

No not at all, I'm calling myself one! Lol

I really don't...I absolutely want to avoid getting into the nitty gritty. Hence why I downplayed it, why I lied, why I asked advice. I thought (overthought!!) Saying "yeah it was fine" then nothing else might seem aloof but clearly not so I've definitely learned what to say/not to say.
If I wanted to tell all I wouldn't have felt so embarrassed being asked.

Lots of us get great school reports about our kids.

No need to tell lies about it.

That's really weird behaviour.

Well done on your child's great report. Now chill out.

Thank you, that's really helpful to read. Me and my DH were C grades too on average. I think part of our surprise is that we weren't expecting it coming from us.

We're definitely a reading family, I can count on one hand the number of nights I haven't read to him since he was 1. I absolutely agree that has made a big impact on his imagination and creativity, and is now obviously helping now he is learning to read himself. The teacher said the same about being able to tell which children read (are read to) every night. I was a terrible parent when he was born, suffered from crippling pnd so good to know I've done something positive 😀

Of course it is a stealth boast?!

I don't believe any reception class is doing all that 6 weeks in either so it's not a particularly good stealth boast either

To clarify my "lie" Someone asked me directly "what did she say he needed to work on?"
Now rightly or wrongly (more likely because he's only been at school half a term) the teacher had said nothing.
I didn't want to look like an arse and didn't want to make anyone else feel like shit so I said "his art work and drawing could be better" I thought I was being sensitive....if that makes me "really weird" then so be it, it came from good intentions though.

You're only 6 weeks in?

I genuinely don't think you can tell at 4 how bright a child will be, it's too early to say. My eldest nephew is very very clever but aged 4 I assumed that everyone got a similar glowing report. He was also very kind and mature at that age although he's a grumpy almost teen now.. I think probably all the parents will get great feedback. They'll really hone in on all the positive, I'm doubtful anyone would be told anything negative at all.

Everyone will have had a fantastic report. I assume he's your eldest?

Also no need to lie, you don't need to go I to detail. Why would anyone? 'He did great thanks, we are happy he's settling in'. It's OK to be proud of him and you don't need to hide that. We're all proud of our kids.

Honestly...you're an idiot, don't be so silly.

What possible reason would I have to lie on an anonymous forum about something that didn't happen to get criticised so much from strangers who don't even know my kid from Adam.

What exactly do you think hasn't happened in reception? I'm not the teacher nor part of the school so why would I need to exagerrate what they have or haven't done. I've been on MN a very long time and never had any issues with anything I've posted.

I think the trick is to avoid discussing how DS is doing with other parents, tbh. That's good practice whether he's ahead or behind the curve.

Some may have got similar glowing reports, not all of them did unfortunately. I think that's why there was a lot of sharing/discussion.

He is my oldest which is very obvious 😂 I'll be a dab hand at parent politics hopefully by the time DD starts school.

Most definitely!!!

I had a very bright child and I only ever said when asked , yes they are fine ' or words to that effect .

You don't have to go into specifics.. kids peak at different times though so maybe he has peaked early !

Encourage him, get him reading broadly and have books of interest to build on subject interest, recognise the environment, if they need to be stretched consider moving them to a more academic school, try not to wang on about it to others, it’s alienating for your child.

That's really great news OP 😊
Don't want to ramp your happiness but I feel the schooling system in UK especially Primary schools have really low expectations of children. I have lived in different parts of the world and some of the schooling system in countries in Asia expect kids to begin writing from 2.5 -3 years old. Just my general observation.

My som was that bright child. All parents really liked him and spoke about him. He's now 15 and in top sets but nowhere near the brightest. He doesn't really care but I've noticed in a top performing secondary school bright as he was not as bright as 20 others in his school and that's fine. He's also now a teen do not as personable and sweet but still my amazing baby

I mean *dampen your happiness.

I shouldn’t have opened this thread. :(

I nearly started my own thread last night after a very upsetting first parents’ evening where we heard basically zero positives about what we thought was our very bright and happy little girl, only to be told she was basically the opposite and is being observed for a potential autism referral.

I’m pleased for you and your son, OP but I don’t get what you are actually worried about? Tbf I haven’t read all your replies so sorry if you’ve already said.

I have a son like your son. I would advise:

1. Really do not get drawn into specifics with other parents - they will def think you're boasting and resent you for it. I preferred to come across as slightly aloof if actually pressed and said I'd rather not share details.

1. Dont think him being well ahead at 4 will carry on the same trajectory throughout school - things even out across the years.

1. Build resilience in an area he doesn't excel in, whether it be sport, creative, languages. Kids who find school really easy through primary are actually unprepared for the demands of secondary - learning to persevere in an area that doesn't come naturally is crucial.

1. As they grow accept that they need to follow their dreams - they may be getting A* in maths and science but if their passion lies somewhere else thats where they should go. I say that as a mother of an 18 year old academically gifted kid who could get in to any uni on the basis of his a level results, but is currently having a gap year in South Africa pursuing his dream to be a possibly semi professional sportsman. The joy in his voice when I talk to him is 😍

My poor friend was always quiet and rather sheepish about her Dd as she had turned into a party girl and done a few low level bad teenage things. Results day and school name the top students she had pulled it out of the bag worked like mad and got all 9s top score in the whole school! My friend still said nothing about it though!

Was quite satisfying seeing a smug private school mum put on a commiserating face when she asked how my Dd and this girl had done and was rather surprised at the answer! 😁

Often, you can tell a very bright child. They are way ahead of the peers and it comes across in the way they speak and the vocabulary they use.
As pp have said, don't talk about it. You can say that he seems to be doing fine without boasting about it.
Keep him interested in learning and encourage his reading.

Such a lovely post to read xx

Fantastic, well done to her DD 👏🏻

Just say they are doing well if you are asked but in reality they don't really care.
Your post comes across as a stealth boast.