To ask why you gave DC his last name?

[Tsort]

If you kept your name/aren’t married, but gave DC their father’s last name (as opposed to double barrelling or giving them you own), may I ask why?

You could have done that at any point by deed poll. You didn't need a man to come along and provide a new name for you/your children, did you?

No, but with my children taking his name it just fitted in.
Also, you (understandably) have no idea of the time scale in which these actions.

Because it was already a huge battle with him and the in laws to keep my surname name on marriage. By the time baby arrived I didn’t have any fight left in me. I wish that I had at least given my children my surname as a second middle name.

However I insisted on choosing the first names and middle names- when my husband said he should have input, I suggested we swap and I choose the surname and he chooses the first names. He didn’t argue after that. I’m not a complete twat though so I didn’t give the kids any names he hated.

I didn’t. I kept my own name on marriage, then when DS was born he got my surname and DH’s surname, double barrelled with a hyphen.

In the real world (not bizarre mumsnet world) most people give their children the fathers surname as it’s tradition.

Why would a bunch of random strangers, who have some very questionable opinions on most things, make you realise it’s not the correct thing to do???

Do you not see a lot of them have an anti male agenda?

It was important to my husband, and I didn't mind. I'd carried them for nine months and felt very very attached to them, obviously. So I had no insecurities whatsoever about them not having my name. And I still don't. They're 8 and 4 now and I never give it a second's thought.

We are married but I kept my last name. We gave both kids his last name because it’s the norm an we didn’t want to double barrel the last names

Because it was more important to him than it was to me.

I was brought up from age 7 by my paternal grandparents due to my parents abuse. I changed my stupid first name at 14. Names mean very little to me, relationships and bonds are everything.

He was from a very traditional family and it was important to him.

I did it because I thought my name was too complicated. We didn't live in my home country and it's a difficult name for people to pronounce and I had to spell it all the time. His name was English and simple. I regret it now, as my name is actually nicer and I and the kids (now grown ups) have moved to my home country.

Sorry I don't understand what u mean. The tradition is that the child takes the man's name? I like that tradition. I'm not in the UK. The only children I know here that take their mother's name are families wanting to claim single parent benefits (father still pays maintenance). And that is just my experience before anyone comes at me for stereotyping. Double barrelled names are used sometimes when the parents aren't married but I hate them so didn't opt for that. Not having the same surname as my child doesn't bother me in the slightest.

Because I had one DC from a previous relationship who has my name, it's important to me that she keeps her name if she gets married and carries on the name. We love our name, it's quite unusual so she wants to keep it.

DH felt the same way about DS having his name so it felt fair.

Couldn't double barrel as mine is 7 letters and DH's is 11, both non-English so bit of a mouthful

Patriarchy and tradition ☹️

No @Confusion101 it's that the child takes the mother's name- it's just that when the mother is married she has, historically, tended to take her husband's name as well so they're the same.

When you have a baby in hospital the baby is generally referred to as 'Baby Mothersname'.

Aaww get ya now! Maybe years and years ago the tradition was for the mothers name to be used, but where I'm from it's the man's the generally gets used so for me that's the tradition and one that I like. Same as the way Santa was once blue years and years ago but I celebrate him as red coz that's the tradition I grew up with and know.

My mum changed my name by deed poll to my "father's" when I was 4. He left her when she was pregnant with me, and I've never met him or even seen a photo. She did it because I had an older brother by the same "man" and she wanted us as siblings to have the same name when I started school. This was in the 70s. So, you see, I had no connection to my surname at all. When I had my dc, I had no problem at all giving them their dad's name. We weren't married, but I knew he wasn't going anywhere...

Because he promised we would get married, and I wanted us ALL to have the same name. I'm not closed to the idea of all taking the woman's name, but I preferred his, and in my job it's easier for me to name change than for him in his job. My mum kept her maiden name for work so I'm used to that set-up, it just didn't suit me/us.

We are now married and all have the same name. It would have been a pain for them to have had my name now.

Assuming you are in England yes. It’s nothing to do with names it’s because of legislation re Legitimacy. I understand registrars will just do the form when you apply to marry as part of paperwork.

www.gov.uk/government/publications/application-to-re-register-a-childs-birth-following-marriage-of-natural-parents

Basically if you have a child unmarried and subsequently marry the dad the law treats child same as a child born within marriage. Obviously when law was passed this could make a big difference eg illegitimate children couldn’t inherit under intestacy. These days I’m struggling to think situation where it would make a difference.

My first two children have my XH's surname however I fought and lost that argument. I refused to change my own name or be referred to as Mrs. XH would not even consider double barrelling surnames, which is now sad as they don't see their father or that side of the family. DS has indicated that at 18 he will legally change his surname to mine as he wants no ties to that surname or family, DD1 is undecided.
My DD2 has my surname (different father who walked when I was 20 weeks pregnant). I am so proud she has my last name - as I see it, I come from a long line of women who took their husbands name without choice but they were powerful, strong, intelligent women so although my surname is my fathers, I see the amazing women who I share my surname with who came before me, who have guided and supported me into adulthood.

I'm very pleased I'd read a lot of Mumsnet before DD was born, she's got my last name. DP wanted her to have his name but couldn't really argue given we weren't married 😂
I think had I not read on here about the issues it can cause, I probably would have been persuaded to give her his surname.
I said we'd change it when we got married, but she's now 5 and we haven't gotten around to it, think there would have to be a further discussion if we did get married, as she's used to her name now!

I did but wish I hadn’t, especially now we are separated. I don’t think my ex would have been on board with giving them my name anyway.

My parents gave us my mums surname, I’m not entirely sure why but I’ve always been glad because I feel more connection with the maternal side of the family and I’m disappointed that I haven’t kept up the tradition now, we could have had a maternal line thing going on.

Chose first name together, middle name I got to choose (my fathers first name) & he got the last name. To me passing on first names means more than the last name. I have never been asked where my surname comes from but I have been asked about my middle name which is my Great grandmothers name which feels special to me. If we had a girl she would have my name as the middle name.

I didn’t care that much to break with tradition. I acknowledge that my position was a bit odd. I didn’t change my name, or have my father ‘give’ me away when I married.

I was more invested in selecting first and middle names that represented something to me, which I did, for all 3 of my children.

1. I dont like my surname, it's hard to spell, pronounce and doesn't go with anything. If my surname was nicer than their Dad's, I would have wanted them to have that instead.

1. I helped pick their Dad's surname when he wanted to change his by Deedpoll.

1. We are engaged to be married and I will take on his surname for the reasons above.

1. Surnames have no sentimental value to me, they are just names. I don't get this "carrying on the family name thing"

Because I believed we would get married eventually!!!

Who goes in to a relationship/having a child with someone thinking you'll do for the next few months so I'll give the kid my name? 🤣