am I being unreasonable to think she's an absolute ****

[ooominn]

This happened yesterday but I'm still so angry about it.

I asked my ex about a week ago if he was alright with me going to work Sunday night as overtime (not usually his night with the kids but he said it was fine). We don't speak much unless about the kids (7&9) so hadn't really said anything else about it.

Came to drop them off on the way last night and he wasn't in. Tried ringing he wasn't answering then got some rushed reply saying he was at work and he'd forgotten and that I should have reminded him.

His wife's car was on the drive and the lights were on so tried knocking and ringing her, firstly she pretended to not hear the door or miraculously any of our calls and then when I finally got hold of her she said ex hadn't mentioned anything and refused to have them.

I had to go home in the end and cancel my shift at short notice fucking over my boss and colleagues.

I'm so annoyed though and want to message her asking what kind of step mother would refuse to let her stepkids in when they were on the door step. My ex is a POS too in this situation I know but seriously why wouldn't you just agree to let them in for the night considering it was her husband who fucked up??

WIBU to message her? AIBU to be mad? Or is it just nothing to do with her as she said last night.

My ex said afterwards she was tired lol.

There really is something about divorce and separation that unlocks the selfish gene within people isn’t there. Parents stop putting their kids first. Inflicting step parents on them. Step mum’s rights and feelings trump all, doesn’t matter how her tantrum makes the kids feel, as long as she is not put out, because she’s “tired”.

Nah. If she gave a shit she would put them first and make sure they didn’t feel like the afterthought they clearly are.

Because none of this utter shit show is their fault.

She should have taken them in. If I remarried and my new husband treated my kids like they weren’t his probably I would absolutely sack him off.

your ex should have made it clear that they were always welcome in his home. The wife should be pissed at her husband you BOTH have responsibility for the childcare.

so sick of it, if you split with your partner then they get to just shrug and say “ooops”

@worriedatthistime I really can't be arsed arguing with you, it's been a long day. But my husband wouldn't 'forget' his kids. Maybe the stepmum in this situation is fed up of putting up with her husband's shit. Let's hope she's kicking him into touch.

Pahahaha when do stepmums ever trump anything?? Are you one? I suspect not!

@PinkyandtheBrainBrainBrainBrainBrain Why would she need a favour from the OP?

The OP’s ex might need a favour - like
swapping weekends. But his wife is unlikely to ever need a favour from her.

what favour could my DS’s stepmum possibly need from me? I can think of literally nothing. My ex often needs favours from me. But, even if it’s to accommodate something she wants to do, they are not favours to his partner. He needs me to have DS so he can go with her. She’s not a parent, so she doesn’t need childcare.

What came to my mind while reading this was no.1 you're a fool for not double checking with ex dh that he can have the kids before turning up on their doorstep or at least texting to remind him. I know you might say you shouldn't have to remind him but clearly you were wrong there. No.2 your ex dh is a useless piece of shit and No.3 his wife is an absolute cunt. I don't care if she just didn't want them, she was too tired or just couldn't be bothered. She left her husband's children on the doorstep and wouldn't let them into their own house.

Each and everyone one of you let the children down in this situation and you should all be ashamed.

What I'd be more likely to assume from the step-mum's behaviour is that the relationship is far from being a partnership, she's fed up with her husband imposing on her and their days together are numbered. And that she's withdrawing her free babysitting services in the meantime.

Their dad made them feel like an afterthought. It's their parents responsibility to put them first, not the stepmum.

But they are her step kids.

Nah, the SM is a cunt too. Who leaves children on the doorstep? Here's hoping that when the useless man moves on to his next woman, her daughter gets the same cruel treatment.

It is never the children who are prioritised in these situations. If it was, stepparents wouldn’t be a thing. Imagine forcing your children to live with your random partner. That’s not putting them first.

My goodness, wishing ill treatment on a child. That's repulsive.

Me too. I went into my relationship knowing my OH had kids, and therefore in my eyes they have always been part of my family by extension.

‘Tired’ could mean anything. Frankly, I can imagine she doesn’t want details of her health shared with the OP.

I think the selfishness post divorce seems to come out in the parents who decide they are automatically entitled to have new partners do their childcare. And completely forget this is a favour to them. Just horrendous. I have never treated a partner like that.

You're so right. My mum selfishly inflicted a stepfather on me, and he was everything I wish my biological dad had been. Why mum didn't let my bio dad continue to inflict his abuse on both of us to avoid a stepparent, I just don't know.

You are definitely not being unreasonable

I wouldn’t be like that with a neighbour!! Of course she should have taken them in. She had no regard for them and their feelings. Ans yes would be reasonable for her to be annoyed with your ex whilst NOT turning away the kids!

Personally OP, I would be seeing if I could improve my support network and have my DC at home with me more. Your exH has proven he is a useless twat, and the SM has let the mask drop and shown herself to be a cold hearted cow who doesn't really see your DC as family.

I wouldn't be comfortable sending them over there now.

Personally, I would have answered the door, welcomed the kids in etc (I'm a former Step-Mum).
However, I think you're unreasonable to be so angry with her and you absolutely should NOT message her.
Your ex is the , not her.

Absolutely this.

Agree with you both.

some people in these comments .. wow.

Your ex is a wanker. She doesn't have to do anything. Its his responsibility to parent his children. As a one off I think it's a bit poor form but maybe she doesn't want to set a precedence.

They are both responsible. She chose to get into a relationship with a man who already has children. How would she feel if in the future they split and her child was treated like that. You weren't going on a night out you were going to work to support his children and her step children.

Nor is it the stepmum's fault. She didn't agree to have them, she didn't create them and she didn't cause a scene.