am I being unreasonable to think she's an absolute ****

[ooominn]

This happened yesterday but I'm still so angry about it.

I asked my ex about a week ago if he was alright with me going to work Sunday night as overtime (not usually his night with the kids but he said it was fine). We don't speak much unless about the kids (7&9) so hadn't really said anything else about it.

Came to drop them off on the way last night and he wasn't in. Tried ringing he wasn't answering then got some rushed reply saying he was at work and he'd forgotten and that I should have reminded him.

His wife's car was on the drive and the lights were on so tried knocking and ringing her, firstly she pretended to not hear the door or miraculously any of our calls and then when I finally got hold of her she said ex hadn't mentioned anything and refused to have them.

I had to go home in the end and cancel my shift at short notice fucking over my boss and colleagues.

I'm so annoyed though and want to message her asking what kind of step mother would refuse to let her stepkids in when they were on the door step. My ex is a POS too in this situation I know but seriously why wouldn't you just agree to let them in for the night considering it was her husband who fucked up??

WIBU to message her? AIBU to be mad? Or is it just nothing to do with her as she said last night.

My ex said afterwards she was tired lol.

Yes it doesn't somehow make the marriage null and void

It’s always clear from these threads which posters have step children and which don’t. Abundantly clear. People who have never had step children - a lot of you simply have no idea what you’re talking about.

@Rosewaterblossom
exactly, just do the childcare and stay in your lane the rest of the time

i am not defending the father - he’s a twat - but someone was there, and that someone should have the basic compassion and maternal feeling toward those children to allow them into their home - even if it’s a inconvenience.
some of the posters on this tread sound absolutely spiteful and I hope they don’t have step children

Well said. 💯 agree.

The amount that people want the step parent to do and what their responsibilities are seems to change form second to second depending on the requirements of the of the mother and father,

@tiredofthiisshit21 don't agree with the name calling but what is right about not welcoming kids in to their homes
You see if on here , its dh weekend but im unwell and don't want the kids here as noise
It does seem needless to of not taken them in until her dh got home or if really standing up to him calling him and saying your kids are here you need to leave and get hour arse home
Marriage also needs to be teamwork
People choose to marry someone with kids , kids never choose the situation and if you think your dh/ partner is taking the piss lit if you take it up with them and maybe realise there not the parent you want for your kids

Exactly. Its all OK for stepmum to babysit because after all she "did marry a man with kids." But the minute she has a say so in anything do with the child and their upbringing/school work/discipline its all "you're not their patent!"

I think a lot of people on this forum are step parents.... she was being unreasonable end of. I have a step mum who is an absolute cow bag 90% of the time (she's been my step Mum since I was 3 years old) and even she wouldn't have done this to me. She would have been pissed but she would have bit her tongue and taken me in. At the end of the day these children have feelings and this type of scenario could have really made them feel unwanted and in the way. Speaking from experience of feeling like this a lot in my childhood it isn't healthy and as adults we have a responsibility to avoid them feeling like this. This was her partners fault and as his wife she also had a responsibility to avoid his kids feeling this way. I'd be furious too OP. She took on his children when she agreed to marry him.

I might have been pissed off with my dh and his lack of communication etc but I wouldn't let the kids suffer for it. Step mums get a bad rap especially on here but she is exactly the type of step mum that deserves it.

Exactly! They keep saying this as if they have a say in who can get married.

Going baxk to the OP when I finally got hold of her she said ex hadn't mentioned anything and refused to have them. I would assume the SM didn't known Ex was meant to have them so wasn't sure what was going on and rather than get involved in a drama just went nope I'm staying of it.

@worriedatthistime sorry but I've read your post 3 times and I still have no idea what you're saying

teamwork requires both partners to work together, (obvs) In this case the X hasn't.

@Rosewaterblossom it was asking them to step in and help their dh was it not as he had said he would do it
Your asking then to help out not take over
Many a step parent manage to navigate it well and will step in when needed like an aunt or grandparent
I mean my mum helps out as a nan she doesn't have to attend parents evening as well its not exclusive

Even if she had let them in, who would have looked after them if their father wasn’t there? It’s certainly not her job to babysit.

sandytooth
You right??
It's not a legal requirement but surely in a persons moral compass their conscious must prompt them to understand that when you marry someone with kids there will be times you need to care for them.
I feel sorry for the kids who think the stepmum doesn't want them around.
No one wants that feeling. Even worse for a kid.

100 % on your ex.
Was he really at work?

Totally agree!!

Why does everyone think the children’s
father’s wife is somehow more responsible for them than their own mother?

Their mother was literally with them. She knew that her ex had let her down and wasn’t looking after the children.

@tiredofthiisshit21 oh well keep trying maybe your get there but maybe not as you think the opposite of me , as I think kids come first in a situation like this

Nothing like mumsnet for making me grateful for my lovely stepparents! What a mean thing for her to do. Yes, you both should be angry with your ex for forgetting, but to refuse to let them in like that is just horrible. They are supposed to feel that is there home too!

100% on him.

I wouldn't have taken your kids like that if he wasn't there. I would have opened the door and told you no to your face but what would that have achieved? A row on the doorstep? Awkwardness in front of the kids?

what are you going on about? Clearly the answer is do nothing as this is a Internet forum?? What are you expecting people to say??

Well if I was the OP I'd think very carefully about what provision I'd want for my children in the event of the sad scenario I mentioned ever happening.

I'd certainly not want my children going to live with someone prepared to leave them on the doorstep.