am I being unreasonable to think she's an absolute ****

[ooominn]

This happened yesterday but I'm still so angry about it.

I asked my ex about a week ago if he was alright with me going to work Sunday night as overtime (not usually his night with the kids but he said it was fine). We don't speak much unless about the kids (7&9) so hadn't really said anything else about it.

Came to drop them off on the way last night and he wasn't in. Tried ringing he wasn't answering then got some rushed reply saying he was at work and he'd forgotten and that I should have reminded him.

His wife's car was on the drive and the lights were on so tried knocking and ringing her, firstly she pretended to not hear the door or miraculously any of our calls and then when I finally got hold of her she said ex hadn't mentioned anything and refused to have them.

I had to go home in the end and cancel my shift at short notice fucking over my boss and colleagues.

I'm so annoyed though and want to message her asking what kind of step mother would refuse to let her stepkids in when they were on the door step. My ex is a POS too in this situation I know but seriously why wouldn't you just agree to let them in for the night considering it was her husband who fucked up??

WIBU to message her? AIBU to be mad? Or is it just nothing to do with her as she said last night.

My ex said afterwards she was tired lol.

Totally agree! It’s not about right and wrong it’s about the kids not being allowed in their own fathers home - surely this should be their home too! Imagine if the shoes was on the other foot!

They clearly weren’t. He was.

Nope, not having it You are very very very very very very wrong. a stepmum IS morally responsible for her partner's kids.
Biologically -- obviously no
Legally -- probably not
Morally - YES
Ethically - YES
Otherwise, don't marry a partner with kids.

Exactly!

Seconded.

But their father was not there.

if I’m not in, my kids cannot be in our house. Unless I have arranged a babysitter. It’s still their home but they must be looked after. So if I’m not there, they can’t be there.

People really do just think stepmothers are nanny/housekeepers for the children’s parents. Don’t they?

Why should she have maternal feelings towards them? Isn't being a stepmum enough? Being a friendly face when they are with their dad.

Totally agree. Mumsnet can be such a hardened place but in real life, who would really turn young children away like this? How must that have felt for them? Their stepmother married someone with children and therefore should at least have some basic compassion and care for them.

Me and DP aren’t married and he has a kid from a previous relationship and I have him whenever his mum needs to work and his dad (DP) is working🤷🏼‍♀️ Sometimes it’s with no notice if he’s been sick or whatever

Cool beans.

Completely agree. I’m a step mum and would never, ever have done this, however much I might have wanted to.

I never think of it as "we are due to have the kids" its always DH is due to have the kids. I am in no way hostile to my DSC I just don't have to think about it. DH would be so embarrassed in this situation that he'd let the kids down and put me in the situation where I'm being asked to look after them. I have my own career, our shared DC, my own shit going on. Why would the ex ever turn up and expect me to look after her children. Its bizarre.

Morally yes, ethically yes. She should be pleasant to them and ensure their safety.. whilst her partner (their dad) has them. In the absence of their father, she isn't obliged to babysit them.

This so much! My dads wives would never have us if he wasn't at home and We always wondered why you would marry a guy with 5 kids and then not want to see them - have very little contact with him now as we always felt unimportant to him

Now don't.

But we do expect that if they love their husband, they should at least be prepared to be kind and welcoming to his children.of his previous marriage. As a PP has said - you would babysit for a neighbour in an emergency if necessary. These children are more than just neighbours.

She could have taken them indoors, made them welcome, stuck them in front of the telly/ given them a jigsaw/ whatever, depending on the time, and then BOTH of these women should have given the OP's ex hell for landing them in this situation.

She was being spiteful.

I stand corrected. However I disagree with morally.

Yeah this bit makes no sense to me. If they can be in dad's house without dad then they could be in mums house without mum.

My head says 'why should she, she's not their parent?' But my heart says 'that's a bit shitty of her tbh.' My bf knows never to ask me to look after his dc because I just don't want to.

Why - their mum was right there with them. Perfectly capable and probably the best person to look after them in their dads absence.

you are right to be upset and qnd their stepmom is a cow too ! Those saying it’s not her kids , fair enough but I’m assuming if they are married then his children are important to her too or they should be !! I treat my step kids as I would my own

It wasn't an emergency. It was a shitty cock up.

Not without an adult to ensure their safety, they can't.

Thanks for putting that so well!

To be fair it's impossible to know what's going on in her life and she might be been absolutely unable to take the kids, if she had a v early shift, she'd just had some bad news to process, etc. It's 100% your exes fault, not hers.

TBH I wish MORE women would stop picking up the slack for their useless husbands. How often do we see on MN a woman who ends up playing mum to SC because her DH is a crap dad, and it’s all too much for her? I think she was fine to not let them In