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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I invite her over to meet her new niece ? Or be done with her?

131 replies

BlueBunny23 · 17/10/2022 18:50

So to cut a long story short… me and my partner have two children. A son and a brand new baby girl, when I got pregnant with my son, my partners brother and his fiancée found out and the brother was real happy for us, the fiancee on the other hand wasn’t and blocked us on social media and blanked us when we bumped into her, the brother apologised and claimed he didn’t know what was up with her. When son was born we invited them over and fiancée stayed in the car glaring at her partner holding his brand new nephew who I believe was 3 days old at the time give or take. We didn’t speak for 2 years after this when she bumped into us and told me about her fertility issues and her many miscarriages. She explained seeing me pregnant was so difficult for her, I forgave her and we became friends again, she told me she’s always wanted a daughter and if I’d of had a daughter she couldn’t have coped.
I found out earlier this year I was pregnant and we later found out it was a girl, when we announced the news I was again blocked on social media until last week when she readied me when my baby was 1 week old she’s now 2 weeks old. She hasn’t liked any of my baby pictures, she hasn’t messaged to ask if I’m ok or if baby is ok.
so my partner wants his brother to come see the baby and his brother wants too….. so he’s going to come alone and Not tell fiancee.
im annoyed she hasn’t messaged me or liked a baby photo of her new niece….. so I feel perhaps if I invited her over then she wouldn’t want too, my partner thinks I should block her and not bother with her at all and that we should just enjoy our baby and our children regardless weather she’s family or not. I feel if I invited her over to meet the baby it would almost be like rubbing her nose in it, would this be the case? Should I invite her over and try to make a things work? Or just leave her to come around or just simply block her and move on with my life?

OP posts:
asdasult · 17/10/2022 18:53

Leave that to your partner.

Congratulations on your wee baby x

Aquamarine1029 · 17/10/2022 18:54

Block her and move on with your life. Infertility issues don't give her a pass for being horrible.

Ponoka7 · 17/10/2022 18:56

I don't see why you need to block her. Just move on. If she genuinely can't cope with being around pregnancy and newborns, then she's doing the right thing by staying away.

StoneofDestiny · 17/10/2022 18:57

Her behaviour is pretty extreme - does she never go outside - there are prams and babies everywhere! Infertility, old age, pregnancy - none give you the right to be obnoxious and spoil the joy of others.

Thatiswild · 17/10/2022 18:57

Just leave her be, that must be difficult for her and it doesn’t excuse her being horrible but I can understand why she won’t have rushed to like pics etc, just let her make a move when she’s ready, ignore it for now, no need to block. If she at some point approaches you then you can see whether you feel like welcoming her but just enjoy your baby and don’t think about it for now. Congratulations x

KarenPirie72 · 17/10/2022 18:58

She's told you she's had miscarriages and is desperate for a daughter so it's a little unfair to be annoyed at her for not liking your newborn pix. Blocking her seems churlish too. Personally I would just accept she's not going to be a friend or be interested in your kids and let your DP deal with his brother.

mamabear715 · 17/10/2022 18:59

Agree with the last poster.

Thrownunderabus · 17/10/2022 19:01

Being desperate for a baby and not being able to have one is more difficult than anyone (if you are able to have them) can ever imagine.
Don’t invite her, she knows where you live, but I don’t see why you need to block her. It isn’t a crime for her to not look at and like your baby pictures. She is protect herself by keeping her dust. Just accept that it’s far too painful for her to be near someone else’s baby right now.

AuntieStella · 17/10/2022 19:03

KarenPirie72 · 17/10/2022 18:58

She's told you she's had miscarriages and is desperate for a daughter so it's a little unfair to be annoyed at her for not liking your newborn pix. Blocking her seems churlish too. Personally I would just accept she's not going to be a friend or be interested in your kids and let your DP deal with his brother.

I agree - very unfair to be annoyed at her (and yes it's very different when it feels close to home, rather than all the other pregnant women and new babies floating around)

Give her time - it worked in healing her hurt last time. And her well-being is more important than a few likes on social media.

And agree that DP deals with his brother

Thrownunderabus · 17/10/2022 19:03

#protecting
#distance 🙄

SnoozyLucy7 · 17/10/2022 19:06

Just ignore. You should be enjoying this wonderful time with your new baby and not allow anyone to spoil it for you. I do sympathise, with your SIL, but you are categorically not responsible for her happiness. Just keep your distance from her. Congratulations!

Caterina99 · 17/10/2022 19:08

I think be the bigger person here. She’s explained before how she feels about a baby girl. It doesn’t make up for her ignoring you and I think she needs to get a grip personally as she can’t avoid babies forever, but no need to block her and be unkind.

Just ignore her and don’t let her come between your DP and his brother. She may come round in a bit or she may not, but she definitely won’t if you upset her by blocking her because she didn’t like your baby photos.

Whataretheodds · 17/10/2022 19:12

Why is it

Whataretheodds · 17/10/2022 19:15

Why is it so important to you that other people 'like' photos of your baby?

Leave her alone. She's told you what's going on, she's practising self-preservation.

Favouritefruits · 17/10/2022 19:17

I’d put yourself in her shoes for a moment, you may see things a little different.

Cinders88 · 17/10/2022 19:17

KarenPirie72 · 17/10/2022 18:58

She's told you she's had miscarriages and is desperate for a daughter so it's a little unfair to be annoyed at her for not liking your newborn pix. Blocking her seems churlish too. Personally I would just accept she's not going to be a friend or be interested in your kids and let your DP deal with his brother.

This ^

It took five years for me to successfully fall pregnant with DS .. in that time BIL had two children. We were constantly sent pictures and updates about them. I didn’t want to look at the pictures and I didn’t want to hear about them. I wanted to keep my distance. It was painful. And then there’s the guilt of feeling that way, but nothing you can do about it.

Yes, she perhaps could have handled the situation better, but just focus on enjoying your new baby and leave the door open for her to approach when she’s ready. Getting wound up by her not liking pictures of your newborn is a bit silly though, sorry to say.

sandytooth · 17/10/2022 19:20

She hasn’t liked any of my baby pictures, she hasn’t messaged to ask if I’m ok or if baby is ok. wtf she knows you and baby are ok as your BIL knows. Why does it matter to you so much that she hasn't liked your baby pictures?! You have a newborn, focus on them. Your baby isn't there to collect likes on social media. You know she's having issues, she's clearly blocked you so she doesn't have to see baby photos.

SunneRising · 17/10/2022 19:21

Just leave her be. She's explained why. She finds she's unable to participate in the whole congratulations circus so just leave her until that's all passed. You don't need congratulations - your reward is your baby. When the kids are older she may well be back in your life and a real ally.

sandytooth · 17/10/2022 19:22

Aquamarine1029 · 17/10/2022 18:54

Block her and move on with your life. Infertility issues don't give her a pass for being horrible.

She hasn't been horrible! She's just blocked her on social media so baby photos don't pop up

DarkShade · 17/10/2022 19:26

Are you the poster whose family expected you to drive the long way to meet them and not talk about your baby in case it upsets SIL?

I think she was awful before but hasn't done anything wrong this time. She doesn't have to message you or like your photos. You know how she feels so don't invite her. Do invite BIL but he shouldn't have to make it a secret. This only has to be a problem if you make it a problem. Just continue your relationship with BIL while giving her space.

Summerfun54321 · 17/10/2022 19:28

Just leave her alone. She’s told you on many occasions she doesn’t want to be a part of your baby celebrations. It’s way too much to expect her to be all over your social media liking everything. Let your DH invite his brother and she can come if she wants, it’s really not a big deal. It seems you are wanting a lot from her emotionally in the same way you would a friend. She isn’t a friend, she’s your SIL and you only need to be polite to each other for the relationship to function well. Congrats on your baby. Share your baby and the news and the excitement with your own family and friends.

Darbs76 · 17/10/2022 19:35

I’d do nothing, she is being unreasonable but she’s clearly really struggling.

Frankola · 17/10/2022 19:49

Leave her be OP. She has told you she has had miscarriages. She told you she would be very upset if you had a girl. If her way of coping is to distance herself from you for now then so be it. You don't need her to be fawning over your baby.

That being said, she has behaved in quite a nasty manner on occasion which is a bit BU. Your best solution is to wait for her to make the first move.

Congratulations on your baby. Don't let this spoil your happiness

quietnightmare · 17/10/2022 19:51

Social media 🤦🏽‍♀️

Testina · 17/10/2022 19:52

It’s not even her blood relative, so I see why she wouldn’t really push herself to manage this.

But really, she’s suffered multiple miscarriages but her fiancé just didn’t know why she reacted badly? I think maybe your husband could have a word with his brother to up his game on emotional intelligence there.

Leave her alone.

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