Should I invite her over to meet her new niece ? Or be done with her?

[BlueBunny23]

So to cut a long story short… me and my partner have two children. A son and a brand new baby girl, when I got pregnant with my son, my partners brother and his fiancée found out and the brother was real happy for us, the fiancee on the other hand wasn’t and blocked us on social media and blanked us when we bumped into her, the brother apologised and claimed he didn’t know what was up with her. When son was born we invited them over and fiancée stayed in the car glaring at her partner holding his brand new nephew who I believe was 3 days old at the time give or take. We didn’t speak for 2 years after this when she bumped into us and told me about her fertility issues and her many miscarriages. She explained seeing me pregnant was so difficult for her, I forgave her and we became friends again, she told me she’s always wanted a daughter and if I’d of had a daughter she couldn’t have coped.
I found out earlier this year I was pregnant and we later found out it was a girl, when we announced the news I was again blocked on social media until last week when she readied me when my baby was 1 week old she’s now 2 weeks old. She hasn’t liked any of my baby pictures, she hasn’t messaged to ask if I’m ok or if baby is ok.
so my partner wants his brother to come see the baby and his brother wants too….. so he’s going to come alone and Not tell fiancee.
im annoyed she hasn’t messaged me or liked a baby photo of her new niece….. so I feel perhaps if I invited her over then she wouldn’t want too, my partner thinks I should block her and not bother with her at all and that we should just enjoy our baby and our children regardless weather she’s family or not. I feel if I invited her over to meet the baby it would almost be like rubbing her nose in it, would this be the case? Should I invite her over and try to make a things work? Or just leave her to come around or just simply block her and move on with my life?

The lack of emotional intelligence on MN never ceases to amaze me!

Invite both of them, if she doesn't come and visit then that's fine. You will have done your bit. Block her on SM and let her get on with it.

Why do you need to block her though?

Her reason for blocking you is to protect herself from seeing baby photos while she’s hurting terribly.

Your reason would be retaliation. Which is pretty shit OP.

If it’s the same OP, this person has been trying for fifteen years. That’s more than ‘some’ fertility issues.

Babies are everywhere, but seeing a stranger pregnant on the street is different from seeing your own partner hold a baby that you can’t give them. Surely you can understand that.

I don’t think she’s been horrible she’s protecting her own mental health. It’s not about you or your kids.

I would message her and say, you are welcome to come visit but you also understand if she doesn’t want to, no pressure. She doesn’t need to respond to the message as you know it’s a hard time for her. Then leave it at that.

Shes allowed to block you so she doesn’t see pictures and not like your posts. I’ve had friends who had still borns / miscarriages and I’ve never expected them to interact with my kids until they are ready which might be never. Try to remove you and your babies from this situation, it’s not personal.

@FanTaill it is the same person, she's posted loads about how shit her sil is, how infertile she is one thread is called 'infertile in-law won't talk to me' goes on and on about how her 'infertile soo' hates her and ruined her pregnancy and ruined the new born stage, and was worried about her ruining this babies new born stage too..

She only ever posts one comment and then never returns..

15 years is more than a bit of difficulty ttc

So I feel I can see both sides of this a bit. I struggled with infertility and it hurt when close friends and family became pregnant and gave birth, however I always tried my hardest to be happy for them and show an interest. I don't have any siblings, so can't compare, but I know you can feel slightly detached from the kids of your husband's siblings in a way you might not feel about the kids of your own siblings.

There's no point in feeling angry about it. You don't know what she's going through. I would keep contact to a minimum but I wouldn't block her.

You are being an absolute twat for being miffed that she hasn't "liked" any of your baby pics.
FFS are you sure you're old enough to be a parent?

If she wants to keep away from your babies - so what?

Get over yourself and grow the fuck up.😡

All of this blocking each other and looking for likes on photos is childish nonsense, stop managing your relationships through social media.
She's clearly struggling with this news because of her own situation. I've been in that place, it's hell when you desperately want a baby and someone else has one.
If you care and want her in your life then contact her, say that you understand how difficult it is for her to be around the situation, but you know she will be a lovely aunty and her new niece would love to meet her when she feels ready.
Then just leave it with her, don't force the situation, you don't need to hide the fact that your BIL has visited, you definitely don't need to watch who likes your photos or not.

I am lucky not to have experienced infertility but after my losses I have distanced myself from pregnant friends and have come off of social media because seeing friends and family on Facebook posting their pregnancy announcements or newborn photos killed me and affected my mental health

My recent loss in Spring this year has really affected one of my friendships due to us being pregnant at the same time. She is about to give birth in a matter of weeks and obviously I lost my pregnancy so I am not. I am finding it extremely hard and despite being happy for her deep down, sometimes I’m so jealous and do not want to see or hear about her lovely pregnancy. I am not sure if I am going to be able to meet her baby for a while once they arrive.

I just cannot imagine having loss AND infertility. That must just break you. It must consume your life and your heart.

You have to be more understanding
Your feelings are valid and I don’t blame you for being upset with the lack of texts or asking how you are. But put yourself in her shoes. Imagine your life without your son and baby girl, imagine you struggled to conceive and never got a chance to meet them.

I think I would be mortified if one of my friends who was pregnant or cuddling their newborn at home said they were going to cut me off or block me because I struggled to meet their baby or text them knowing I’ve had miscarriages

@BlueBunny23 this is from one of the many other threads you've made about this 'Me and my partner have a son who is 4. I got pregnant I’ll be honest here, the first time I slept with him, we had been together for 8 months at the time of getting to know each other and we slept together end of October 2017 and I got pregnant immediately. His brother was so happy for us, his girlfriend was not and she stopped speaking to us. She blocked us on social media. We bumped into them at shopping and she walked the other way only the brother spoke to us. I asked what’s wrong? Why she block us? He said she’s upset your pregnant. After my baby was born we didn’t see her for a while or rather we did when we visited in-laws and she turned up and sat staring at my newborn that was being passed around but didn’t speak a word to anyone I felt so uncomfortable'

So was she in the car glaring or was she in the room ? Did they go round and get caught out by you passing the baby around?

Either way just move on and let her grieve

You got pregnant at the drop of a hat OP you have no idea what she's been through. Leave her alone

OP - I’m sorry to read this. I have the exact same issue with my SIL and brother. SIL said she had to cut me off when I was pregnant and hasn’t spoken to me since. That was over four years ago. Unfortunately my brother also doesn’t talk to me. They have children of their own now.

I tried for a while to make the effort. Now I just leave them to it. I think SIL has a lot of anger towards me and probably couldn’t even explain it if she tried. Not my problem.

How rude blanking people and blocking them. Hardly going to make gor great family relations is it?

i havent had fertility issues but one of my close friends have. Its awful for them and puts a massive strain on your relationship when your on cloud 9 and they are struggling with the situation. Time is a great healer. Put yourself in her position. That doesn’t mean she gets away with being horrible to you but be the bigger person and offer the olive branch 🕊

Nah, plenty of women have miscarriages and fertility issues and don't behave that extreme. Of course it must be difficult seeing other women pregnant and having babies but behaving like these women are doing something wrong and making your partner have to sneak around to see his own niece is disgusting behaviour. It's like people these days have lost the ability to develop healthy coping strategies

She's had 15 years of infertility. That's a bit more than " fertility issues". She may never have a child at all. Have you no empathy at all?

There's so much social media bullshit on this site. I feel like half the threads would disappear if facebook and instagram didn't exist.

She’s in pain. You can’t expect her to do everything you deem to be appropriate (liking photos etc). She has told you why she’s being like this, very clearly. Don’t block her, don’t invite her, carry on with your life.

Should I block her

she hasn’t liked any of my baby pics

Perhaps consider growing up and living your life out in the real world and TALKING to people.

Have you acknowledged her feelings since you announced the second pregnancy? Maybe a message that said “I know from what you shared with me that this will be hard and we understand you might want to disengage for a bit. We are always here…”

Accept she’s having a hard time and get on with your life and enjoying your babies. Her fiancé is an adult and can come and visit you if he wants without all this analysing of social media activity.

YABU. I had fertility issues when my nephews were born and it was so incredibly hard. I was made up for my SILs, but it was so so difficult. Let her come around in her own time. Enjoy your baby as you quite rightly should but please have a bit of awareness.

She is ridiculous and cruel ignoring a new family member. I bet if she conceives she'll expect you to forget all about her behaviour and support her/meet her baby. The world doesn't stop because you're having fertility issues and give you a free pass to horrible.

Before anyone says I can't imagine the pain she's going through, I do! It took me 7 years of trying to get my baby and I haven't been able to conceive again. When my nieces, nephews and friend's babies were born in the 7 year time frame, I congratulated them, asked how they were, visited the babies and gave gifts. I was sad for myself but happy for them.

Don't let her dampen your joy. I would just leave her be and mentally distance myself. If she comes round in the future, I would be polite but probably wouldn't let myself get close in case I got dumped as a friend again

That’s interesting. If the OP repeatedly makes threads about the same inflammatory subject posted in the same shit stirring way and then disappears, then honestly she’s no better than a troll and maybe we’d all be better reporting the posts rather than replying to them.

OP, if you read this, obsessing over your SIL isn’t healthy. I hope you’re able to move on.

@Viostep sorry to hear about your 7 years of infertility and congratulations on having a child now

OP has mentioned in a previous post that brother’s girlfriend has struggled for over 15 years infertility and please remember everyone deals with things different and grieves differently

People react so differently to pregnancy and babies when going through infertility. I am now pregnant with our IVF baby so have seen all of the extremes on infertility threads. I can't really wrap my head around people not being able to suck it up, smile, congratulate you and go home and feel sorry for themselves later though.
It's okay to celebrate others while struggling yourself. She's being very extreme! I would ensure she is at least invited. If she doesn't come at least you offered