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Original poster

Should I invite her over to meet her new niece ? Or be done with her?

131 replies

BlueBunny23 · 17/10/2022 18:50

So to cut a long story short… me and my partner have two children. A son and a brand new baby girl, when I got pregnant with my son, my partners brother and his fiancée found out and the brother was real happy for us, the fiancee on the other hand wasn’t and blocked us on social media and blanked us when we bumped into her, the brother apologised and claimed he didn’t know what was up with her. When son was born we invited them over and fiancée stayed in the car glaring at her partner holding his brand new nephew who I believe was 3 days old at the time give or take. We didn’t speak for 2 years after this when she bumped into us and told me about her fertility issues and her many miscarriages. She explained seeing me pregnant was so difficult for her, I forgave her and we became friends again, she told me she’s always wanted a daughter and if I’d of had a daughter she couldn’t have coped.
I found out earlier this year I was pregnant and we later found out it was a girl, when we announced the news I was again blocked on social media until last week when she readied me when my baby was 1 week old she’s now 2 weeks old. She hasn’t liked any of my baby pictures, she hasn’t messaged to ask if I’m ok or if baby is ok.
so my partner wants his brother to come see the baby and his brother wants too….. so he’s going to come alone and Not tell fiancee.
im annoyed she hasn’t messaged me or liked a baby photo of her new niece….. so I feel perhaps if I invited her over then she wouldn’t want too, my partner thinks I should block her and not bother with her at all and that we should just enjoy our baby and our children regardless weather she’s family or not. I feel if I invited her over to meet the baby it would almost be like rubbing her nose in it, would this be the case? Should I invite her over and try to make a things work? Or just leave her to come around or just simply block her and move on with my life?

OP posts:
HappyChickenEggs · 18/10/2022 11:11

Leave it to your brother in law to decide if he is coming. When he is there tell him if she wants to come to see baby, she can drop you a message.
I think it is fine to "pass yourself" with her but don't get too invested in friendship as she may drop off radar again.
I would focus on other family and friends and your own little family.

Ralphlol · 18/10/2022 11:13

Why do you need to ‘block’ her @BlueBunny23 Just leave her be. She doesn’t seem able or inclined to make an effort with your children which is not nice but I would just accept it and leave the option open for future contact. Definitely ask your BIL to come round on his own to facilitate the relationship.

FanTaill · 18/10/2022 11:21

Viostep · 18/10/2022 10:59

She is ridiculous and cruel ignoring a new family member. I bet if she conceives she'll expect you to forget all about her behaviour and support her/meet her baby. The world doesn't stop because you're having fertility issues and give you a free pass to horrible.

Before anyone says I can't imagine the pain she's going through, I do! It took me 7 years of trying to get my baby and I haven't been able to conceive again. When my nieces, nephews and friend's babies were born in the 7 year time frame, I congratulated them, asked how they were, visited the babies and gave gifts. I was sad for myself but happy for them.

Don't let her dampen your joy. I would just leave her be and mentally distance myself. If she comes round in the future, I would be polite but probably wouldn't let myself get close in case I got dumped as a friend again

Just because you were able to cope with your sadness doesn’t mean that everyone can. I would personally suck it up, do the visit, and then cry all the way home after. But that doesn’t mean I would expect anyone else too.

If she can’t cope then she can’t cope. Whether you or I would be able to is neither here nor there.

paula55 · 18/10/2022 11:27

Blocking you was her way of protecting by herself? Did you post a lot about pregnancy on social media? Nothing wrong with that of course, but for me every post you made and every scan pic would have hurt so much. For me the pregnancy stage was harder to see than the actual baby.... I wonder if it's the same for your sister in law as she's unblocked you once the baby arrived.

I can almost guarantee that she is not behaving like this to hurt you. She is just doing what she needs to do to survive.

If you want to be compassionate about it then I would send her a message along the lines of 'I know this is hard for you, no hard feelings if a visit is too much at the moment, but the doors open when you're ready to meet baby'

SVRT19674 · 18/10/2022 11:35

I have been where she is, my daughter is IVF, so it ended well for me, at the last hurdle when I was 43. Trying since 35. The comments that would get to me were of the type asking and when are you going to have a baby???? So I know where she is coming from. I think she is being very OTT, blanking out family who cannot speak of their baby and her husband has to hide to visit his niece. Sorry, but she needs an appointment with a psychologist.
I was always happy for my friends who had babies and in a way it gave me hope. One of my husband´s best friends is in a childless couple and they have tried everything. She can conceive but her immune system kills the embryo. It has been devastating for her. She is a very implicated auntie to her brother´s kids. But when I fell pregnant she just disappeared and has remained so. I immediately understood why, but she´s not related not part of family, which is what I find odd in your nominal SIL.

Herejustforthisone · 18/10/2022 11:55

Waveacrossabay · 18/10/2022 10:10

@FanTaill it is the same person, she's posted loads about how shit her sil is, how infertile she is one thread is called 'infertile in-law won't talk to me' goes on and on about how her 'infertile soo' hates her and ruined her pregnancy and ruined the new born stage, and was worried about her ruining this babies new born stage too..

She only ever posts one comment and then never returns..

15 years is more than a bit of difficulty ttc

Oh. Well. The OP is a cunt then.

HappyChickenEggs · 18/10/2022 12:24

@Viostep but you got your baby and this woman is 15 years infertility. She knew she would not be able to cope with OP having a daughter, she even said that.
Don't block her OP, she has cut herself off as she can't cope. Leave her be.

HappyChickenEggs · 18/10/2022 12:25

HappyChickenEggs · 18/10/2022 12:24

@Viostep but you got your baby and this woman is 15 years infertility. She knew she would not be able to cope with OP having a daughter, she even said that.
Don't block her OP, she has cut herself off as she can't cope. Leave her be.

*is struggling with 15 years of infertility/miscarriages

Ethelfromnumber73 · 18/10/2022 12:53

Just leave her alone, you are obsessed with her

Herejustforthisone · 18/10/2022 13:55

Jesus. Just ASed the OP.

41 threads in less than two months. Something is ver awry here. If real, some real lacking in emotional intelligence, which explains this thread and the skewed version of events.

Mamai90 · 18/10/2022 23:34

Have you asked her if she's ok?

This! She knows your OK. You've got two lovely kids. She on the other hand has had 15 years of infertility and miscarriages.

Waveacrossabay · 19/10/2022 00:11

@Herejustforthisone yeah it's ridiculous isn't it?

saraclara · 19/10/2022 00:25

Since when had it been compulsory to 'like' FB photos? It's a wonder that I have any FB friends left then, since I rarely do. But they all still speak to me.

I can see how she might have blocked your posts for genuine emotional reasons..But there's no reason for you to do it in some kind of tit for tat move.

Grow up, enjoy your baby, and let your DH deal with his side of the family..

Mummysharkdoodoodoodoodoodoo · 19/10/2022 00:29

She’s being horrible but she’s in pain. Don’t invite her to see the baby. It wouldn’t be kind and would hurt her more. She wouldn’t come anyway.

Sennelier1 · 19/10/2022 21:57

I understand how you feel but I understand her too. It must be very hard seeing you with two precious babies while they are still struggeling to conceive. I think you should just let time heal her wounded feelings, and hope one of these days they will announce their own baby. Give her some space.

Wickedgreengirl · 19/10/2022 22:00

I speak as someone with a long history of infertility, loss and associated PTSD. In my darkest moments I’ve blocked people who have just had babies as it was too painful to see photos and comments. She’s not being horrible, she’s just trying to protect herself as no doubt she’s feeling sad, angry, jealous and lots of other horrible things.

I’d open an invite to both but acknowledge the difficulty she must be facing and make it clear she doesn’t need to come and that it’s fine for her not to come. If her partner comes alone and doesn’t tell her then that’s his problem to deal with.

Then move on and focus on the people who are liking photos of your new baby as that is obviously more important to you than the feelings of someone else who is quite obviously struggling.

Mamma80 · 19/10/2022 22:02

Ooh Ive been where she is, its incredibly difficult and changes you as a person, However it is one of those things that you do have to still behave as a reasonable adult or face the consequences. As hard as it is for her its not your fault, your daughter deserves to be celebrated as do you and your partner. If she cant be involved with that then respect her wishes but shes behaved badly so id chalk it up to one of those things and move on without her. Congratulations on your baby Xx

Caroffee · 19/10/2022 22:12

Leave her to it and don't make any more effort with her. She has behaved very badly and doesn't deserve it. Her issues don't give her the right to wish unhappiness on other people.

Talkingfrog · 19/10/2022 22:13

Unless you have experienced what your sister in law is, you won't be able to understand how she is feeling. It sounds strange but you can grieve for something you have never had.

Whilst I can understand why you are excited and want to share pictures of your baby, you also need to understand that seeing them will be hard for her. It doesn't mean you should stop sharing, but you need to understand she may not be able to cope with seeing them.

Rather than say something, which could upset both you and her, maybe she found it easier to block you do she didn't have to see baby pictures. It would be a way of saving her pain and upset when seeing them unexpectedly.

Instead of blocking her maybe send her a message. Explain that whilst you don't understand how she is feeling, you do realise seeing your pictures could be upsetting for her. You therefor support her decision to manage and deal with the situation in the way she finds best, but that you are there if at any time she wants to be involved with her nephew and niece.

FOTTFSOFTFOASM · 19/10/2022 22:17

OP, now that you are a mother, you need to grow up and stop thinking about who has liked or not liked posts on social media. All this crap about "blocking" people is juvenile bollocks. I suggest you try Netmums.

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 19/10/2022 22:22

Honestly just stay away from social media and just try and enjoy this time with your little baby. It goes so fast. She's under no obligation to "like" your pictures and you are wasting precious energy worrying over it. Cuddle your baby and try and get as much rest as you can.
I had a friend who regretted a termination and she's distanced herself from me and another friend because its clearly to traumatic to be around our babies. Just give her the space she needs to process her grief on her issues.

cherish123 · 19/10/2022 22:28

Just let the uncle (BiL) come over. She's clearly upset and not interested in meeting the baby. It must be hard for her. It's not her niece (it's her bf niece) so I wouldn't bother involved her.

Fleurdaisy · 19/10/2022 22:37

I’d leave her to process everything and come to you in her own time. It must be very painful for her and I don’t think she’s being rude to you, she’s just trying to protect herself. Maybe she’s not even looking at your photos to save herself from being upset.
Congratulations on your DD.

Glitteratitar · 19/10/2022 22:47

How many threads about your nasty infertile SIL are you going to start OP?

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 19/10/2022 23:09

Summerfun54321 · 17/10/2022 19:28

Just leave her alone. She’s told you on many occasions she doesn’t want to be a part of your baby celebrations. It’s way too much to expect her to be all over your social media liking everything. Let your DH invite his brother and she can come if she wants, it’s really not a big deal. It seems you are wanting a lot from her emotionally in the same way you would a friend. She isn’t a friend, she’s your SIL and you only need to be polite to each other for the relationship to function well. Congrats on your baby. Share your baby and the news and the excitement with your own family and friends.

This. She is clearly having a horrible time. Find some kindness and stop tracking who “likes” your pics ffs!
Congratulations on your second healthy child. Focus on your children and not how they are “received” on social media.