Page 3 | Should I invite her over to meet her new niece ? Or be done with her?

Herejustforthisone · 18/10/2022 08:33

She explained seeing me pregnant was so difficult for her, I forgave her and we became friends again, she told me she’s always wanted a daughter and if I’d of had a daughter she couldn’t have coped.

Cone on. She told you she’d really struggled with her fertility, was so keen for a child and was desperately unhappy. Not only that, she told you she was desperate for a daughter.

You still didn’t warn her separately via text so she could process your news, something a friend would have done. You just did a Facebook post for her to find. Now you’re moaning she’s not asking after you and T your new baby girl?

You're either immensely dense or immensely unkind. I’m not sure.

Shortname · 18/10/2022 08:35

You have what she desperately wants but may never ever have, have a little compassion, she's having to plan a completely different life to the one she wanted (I appreciate she's been unreasonable but i don't think you've thought about how hard this is for her at all)

Peridot1 · 18/10/2022 08:35

You sound quite childish with your blocking and unblocking and wanting likes on photos.

she has TOLD you why it’s hard for her. You have no idea how it feels to want a baby so desperately and not be able to have one.

Congratulations on your two babies. Maybe try and think about how you’d feel if the situation were reversed?

billy1966 · 18/10/2022 08:40

She may not be behaving well but you should just leave her alone.

Infertility is a terrible grief stricken path.

Be happy with what you have been blessed with and try and find the maturity to move beyond SM likes and wanting upset and drama at a time like this🙄.

You are not obligated to feed drama and upset in your life.

Darkstar4855 · 18/10/2022 08:44

I think you can’t possibly understand how hard infertility is when you have been lucky enough not to experience it.

We couldn’t have a second and it has been incredibly painful for me watching friends and family adding to their families and being constantly bombarded with happy family photos on social media. I’ve temporarily muted a lot of people for the sake of my own sanity.

I think you should be grateful for what you have and accept that her pain and grief is immense right now. Maybe she could have been a bit more polite about it but she’s clearly suffering and if your biggest issue is “likes” on social media then I think you can afford to be the bigger person here.

I hope that you made sure she was informed privately and given a bit of time to process before you made your big announcement too.

PMAmostofthetime · 18/10/2022 08:46

BlueBunny23 · 17/10/2022 18:50

So to cut a long story short… me and my partner have two children. A son and a brand new baby girl, when I got pregnant with my son, my partners brother and his fiancée found out and the brother was real happy for us, the fiancee on the other hand wasn’t and blocked us on social media and blanked us when we bumped into her, the brother apologised and claimed he didn’t know what was up with her. When son was born we invited them over and fiancée stayed in the car glaring at her partner holding his brand new nephew who I believe was 3 days old at the time give or take. We didn’t speak for 2 years after this when she bumped into us and told me about her fertility issues and her many miscarriages. She explained seeing me pregnant was so difficult for her, I forgave her and we became friends again, she told me she’s always wanted a daughter and if I’d of had a daughter she couldn’t have coped.
I found out earlier this year I was pregnant and we later found out it was a girl, when we announced the news I was again blocked on social media until last week when she readied me when my baby was 1 week old she’s now 2 weeks old. She hasn’t liked any of my baby pictures, she hasn’t messaged to ask if I’m ok or if baby is ok.
so my partner wants his brother to come see the baby and his brother wants too….. so he’s going to come alone and Not tell fiancee.
im annoyed she hasn’t messaged me or liked a baby photo of her new niece….. so I feel perhaps if I invited her over then she wouldn’t want too, my partner thinks I should block her and not bother with her at all and that we should just enjoy our baby and our children regardless weather she’s family or not. I feel if I invited her over to meet the baby it would almost be like rubbing her nose in it, would this be the case? Should I invite her over and try to make a things work? Or just leave her to come around or just simply block her and move on with my life?

I experienced fertility issues for years no one knew- but I wasn't like this.

Days after a failed cycle of IVF my brother and his wife told me I was going to be an Aunty- I was extremely happy for them.

Was I upset- yes do they know- no

I cried in the shower that night for the egg that didn't make it and could have grown up alongside their cousin.
Do they know about this no. Why because everybody's journey is different and they don't know about my struggles and I don't know how long it took them to get there.

I see it as a blessing that I get to have another child in my life and am hopeful that I can continue to be a hands on Aunty when they need me.

Enjoy your little one. Wait a few weeks and message and say I know this must be difficult for you, but when/if your ready, your niece would like to meet you.

Youdoyoutoday · 18/10/2022 08:46

Aquamarine1029 · 17/10/2022 18:54

Block her and move on with your life. Infertility issues don't give her a pass for being horrible.

This.

She's being so rude

AlisonDonut · 18/10/2022 08:47

Just leave her be is my advice.

KimberleyClark · 18/10/2022 08:50

Youdoyoutoday · 18/10/2022 08:46

This.

She's being so rude

Show quote history

She is not being rude, she is protecting herself from pain that is too much for her at the moment. Have some compassion.

Keepitrealnomists · 18/10/2022 08:55

Just leave her be, one of my closest friends disappeared after I had my first DC due to her infertility. Nothing I can do, it's her choice.

beachcitygirl · 18/10/2022 08:58

Jeezo OP.

Try & get some empathy. You sound completely self-serving.

She hasn't "liked" baby pics online - you know why. They hurt & upset her.

She hasn't asked if you're ok - she knows you're ok.

Have you asked her if she's ok?

She is dealing with complex & devastating issues & you just want to show off on social media.

Poor woman.

W0tnow · 18/10/2022 09:02

I’m always baffled by these kinds of stories. They come up regularly on mumsnet.

Someone who sits in the car while their partner meets their new nephew? Who blanks and blocks their partner’s family because of their own fertility issues? It’s utter madness. You can be devastated by your own struggles and a decent (or, you know, a normal) human being at the same time.

Youdoyoutoday · 18/10/2022 09:05

KimberleyClark · 18/10/2022 08:50

She is not being rude, she is protecting herself from pain that is too much for her at the moment. Have some compassion.

Show quote history

I do but someone staying in a car glaring at someone holding a baby is rudeness.

Most women have had some infertility issues, miscarriages etc, I think every 1 of my female friends have had some issue over the years but we wouldn't treat others like this. I don't think this is normal, adult behaviour. Babies are everywhere, some things you cannot hide from. Learning to cope rather than glaring would be a better solution.

sandytooth · 18/10/2022 09:10

Youdoyoutoday · 18/10/2022 09:05

I do but someone staying in a car glaring at someone holding a baby is rudeness.

Most women have had some infertility issues, miscarriages etc, I think every 1 of my female friends have had some issue over the years but we wouldn't treat others like this. I don't think this is normal, adult behaviour. Babies are everywhere, some things you cannot hide from. Learning to cope rather than glaring would be a better solution.

Show quote history

Was it glaring though? Or was it looking at them and feeling once again the heavy heart that infertility can bring.

KimberleyClark · 18/10/2022 09:11

Yes people suffering with infertility should realise that their feelings are a lot less important than those of people who are lucky enough to be able to have children and just shut the fuck up. Jesus.

deathofthesnark · 18/10/2022 09:13

Aquamarine1029 · 17/10/2022 18:54

Block her and move on with your life. Infertility issues don't give her a pass for being horrible.

wow - thats really harsh

Youdoyoutoday · 18/10/2022 09:13

Really not what I said at all is it??

And as for glaring, im going on what the OP said.

Mangledrake · 18/10/2022 09:15

Have brother-in-law over
Ask how she is and send your love, say they're both welcome any time.
Move on. If you're ever having a non-baby event invite her.
Good luck with new baby

sandytooth · 18/10/2022 09:16

Youdoyoutoday · 18/10/2022 09:13

Really not what I said at all is it??

And as for glaring, im going on what the OP said.

Yes but the OP may have mistaken the look for glaring. As she is only seeing it through her view and seems determined to see the worst.

Youdoyoutoday · 18/10/2022 09:20

Maybe so but babies are everywhere, SIL can't hide herself away forever can she?
Supermarkets, airplanes, cafes, parks, babies everywhere, SIL needs to find a way to cope with this, therapy etc. Shutting out family/friends isn't a healthy approach.

ObviouslyHeGetsFed · 18/10/2022 09:23

Invite BIL over for him to meet his niece. Just leave SIL to it and let her come round in her own time. If she accompanies him and sits glaring then suggest BIL come inside to meet his nephew so you cant see her. Congratulations on your DD and dont focus your time on this negativity.

KimberleyClark · 18/10/2022 09:23

I always found family/friends/work colleagues babies harder to deal with than those of random strangers on planes, supermarkets etc. It’s the feeling of being alone amongst people you know and love that is so hard.

Youdoyoutoday · 18/10/2022 09:28

I know its hard, the why them, not me etc. Its a roller coaster of emotions, tears and truly soul destroying sometimes. I just don't believe shutting out family is the way forward.

KimberleyClark · 18/10/2022 09:31

Youdoyoutoday · 18/10/2022 09:28

I know its hard, the why them, not me etc. Its a roller coaster of emotions, tears and truly soul destroying sometimes. I just don't believe shutting out family is the way forward.

Not permanently no, but sometimes you just need time to come to terms with things. And you need your family and friends to understand that.

Herejustforthisone · 18/10/2022 09:36

Youdoyoutoday · 18/10/2022 09:05

I do but someone staying in a car glaring at someone holding a baby is rudeness.

Most women have had some infertility issues, miscarriages etc, I think every 1 of my female friends have had some issue over the years but we wouldn't treat others like this. I don't think this is normal, adult behaviour. Babies are everywhere, some things you cannot hide from. Learning to cope rather than glaring would be a better solution.

Show quote history

That was how the OP perceived that situation. There’s every likelihood that the poor woman was just looking over, fairly devastated at the image of her husband holding a newborn baby, an image she craves but can’t have.

I’ve never struggled with fertility, nor had that yearning but even I feel that the OP is being glaringly obtuse over this.