To think sending your child to nursery, ill is selfish

[Anon778833]

If my toddler is ill, I do not send her into nursery - it’s as simple as that. If I have to not go into work, that’s just how it is.

There has been an outbreak of slapped cheek at my daughter’s nursery which she caught and now I also have caught too. And it’s a really horrible virus. My poor dd hasn’t eaten for nearly a week. And she is STILL spiking temperature.

Nursery sent out a message to say that thanks to people bringing ill children to nursery, they now have staff shortages. And that people must not bring ill kids to nursery.

I thought this was common sense.

Is it so hard to have a little bit of empathy for people who are clinically vulnerable? Your cold is a chest infection for some. Why is that ok?

The common cold virus nearly killed my son on more than one occasion though. For young children rsv is arguably more dangerous than covid which is where things complicated.

now I’m not for a second suggesting that someone sending a child to nursery knowing they have covid is right but most parents wouldn’t think twice about sending in with a bit of a cold which can be equally as dangerous.

I don’t think it’s as black and white as many would like to think it is.

Yes I know, I’m really not blaming people who send their child in when the child appears to be well. In my case nursery have had to tell people to stop bringing visibly ill kids with temperatures into school.

Yes that COVID

But you will end up having to pick up your child and leave work anyway, so what do you gain except causing other children to get sick and staff shortages?

If you have PR, your child is YOUR responsibility when ill. Nobody else’s.

I agree. I also know a couple who asked grandparents to look after poorly child. They then got it (nasty cold) and were really ill. Between the two of us we have always managed to cover sickness ourselves although I recognise I'm privileged to be in a partnership and to have an understanding employer. We had COVID in march except my eldest and the school were trying to get me to send her in as she hadn't had a positive test. I told them I didn't want her spreading it to others. They insisted do I told them she had a cough to get them to back off and sent her back when we were all clear of it.

Some people cant take time off work. Some of us work zero hour contracts and have no way of recouping money for any day taken off and we can be punished for not coming in by having our days cancelled in future. some of us also arent entitled to uc to fall back on so if the child is ill its a weigh up between are they really sick that they need to physically stay at home in bed or are they a little ill that they can still get up and go about their business.

Yes knowingly sending your child to nursery when they are unwell is terrible.

But with how viruses work, alot of the time people are contagious before they have symptoms. Look at chickenpox, you're contagious for a good few days before the spots appear.

My son suffers with quite bad colds and coughs in the winter. We keep him warm, but he picks up A LOT at the childminder.

If he hasn't got fever, we send him in anyway. I have a bad conscience sending him in and feel like a bad mother if he is coughing a lot and is snotty, but I have no other choice - my employer isn't supportive of me taking lots of days off for sick children. I did it once and got snidey comments. Not doing it again if I don't have to.

Workplace culture must change and be more supportive of parents with young children.

Yes children's health comes first if its life threatening, if not the parents having money to feed said child at the end of the month is more important.

Some of us work zero hour contracts and have no way of recouping money for any day taken off and we can be punished for not coming in by having our days cancelled in future.

What about nursery staff who don’t get sick pay? Why are you more important than them? And if nursery has to close, you’re screwed then as well 🤷🏻‍♀️

This is currently me. If I didn't send my DD in with a cold or a mild cough then I'd be out of a job and we'd be homeless by now.

But we always stick to the 48hr D&V rule, plus keep her off if she has a temperature, or something that requires isolation.

Absolutely keep children off if they are obviously ill with more than just simple sniffles. It is so unfair on the poor child to insist they attend if they are really unwell not to mention all the others who are then exposed to the illness. Sending a sick child with a temperature into a nursery or school, rather than allowing them to rest, increases their risk of complications such as secondary infections. It is really not the responsibility of a nursery or school to "child mind" sick children. I am with you on this OP.

I dont get sick pay either. My stepkid is one of them germ magnets who spends all winter from october until march with every cough sneeze and bug going. Its highly unlikely, in fact so unlikely that an entire workforce in a nursery or school would all be off at the same time for minor viruses.

I'm a nursery worker. I live with my 80 year old Mother who has little immune system. Luckily when I caught it I didn't pass it on. I have had Long Covid for coming up to 2 years now. I used to go running, sight-seeing, long walks in the country, go to parties. That's all stopped. I'm back to working 5 hours per day now before I go home and nap/rest until bedtime at 9.
Do you give the tiniest shit about the staff? Their families? The children? I wonder if you've killed anybody? Not directly I'm probably sure, but you give it to somebody who gives it to somebody else, whose children now have no Mother.
'Probably won't happen'. Like drink driving probably won't kill anybody...

Of course I feel guilty sending children in when they are ill, both for the fact that it's crap for the kids, and for the fact that they could pass it on to someone else. I don't want anyone getting ill if it's avoidable. I keep them at home when I can, or when it's clear it's something more than just a cold. And a lot of the time when I send them in snotty, they come bouncing out of nursery at the end of the day feeling fine. It's never guaranteed that I'm going to get a call from the nursery to get them, so again, it's a judgement call. As it is I've already had difficult conversations with my boss about attendance, and given we're not even into winter yet, that will no doubt get worse.

If I lose my job, that leaves us in a very very difficult financial position. Like losing our home difficult. I can't put my home, and my kids stability at risk over a cold. We have to make a lot of difficult choices as a parent. In an ideal world I would not have to work in the first place, and I could afford to keep the kids home evey time they get a bit snotty.

But it's not an ideal world. I need to work. So does my husband. We make the choices we make to get through the day and the week and whatever comes next. And to be perfectly blunt, I am always going to put my family, my kids and my home first, over someone I don't know who may be vulnerable. If I had more flexibility in work or in my budget, I could afford to be more considerate of people I don't know, but I just don't. And to be honest, I think it's pretty nasty to be shaming parents for the choices we make when we're all just doing our bloody best.

I'm a nursery worker. So it's fine for you not wanting to be off work/can't afford it, but yet we end up taking time off because you are a shit parent and send your child in with temperatures, dosed up on calpol and think no one will notice. And the person who sent their child in with covid, could you be any more selfish! Believe me, we know which parents are like this, and pass information on to the schools to for transition. So you are 'that parent' before they have even met you.

I'm sure most parents would prefer to leave their sick children at home, comfortable with a loved one but life is not the same for everyone.

Sick days mean no wages and possibly sanctions at work.

Tbf once they start playschool and primary school it is an all out germ fest so I wouldn't expect any different from a creche.

V&D aside. Most of DS classmates have a face of snot while coughing away all winter.

It's impossible to keep illnesses out of child group sessions.

When I worked in a nursery I took great pleasure in seeing a selfish persistent parent get sent away with their sick child.

My manager was great.

The thing is, people who behave selfishly with no regard for the nursery / staff or other children will end up getting your card marked by the childcare service which in turn could impact your child. I’ve seen it happen.

Also, I used to work for an employer who would say that they ‘could not accept’ sickness absence if you phoned in sick. They would bully ill people to come to work. One particular day, I could not go into work because I had a bad back. I have an ongoing problem with slipped discs. I said ‘yes you will accept my absence because I can barely walk’ I didn’t get sacked.

If you work somewhere that needs you in so desperately that they are unreasonable about time off, they are not going to want to get rid of you unless you’re not good at your job.

But it's not an ideal world. I need to work. So does my husband. We make the choices we make to get through the day and the week and whatever comes next. And to be perfectly blunt, I am always going to put my family, my kids and my home first, over someone I don't know who may be vulnerable. If I had more flexibility in work or in my budget, I could afford to be more considerate of people I don't know, but I just don't. And to be honest, I think it's pretty nasty to be shaming parents for the choices we make when we're all just doing our bloody best.

I don’t think it’s at all nasty. Can I ask what you have to gain by spreading germs around when you will only be asked to collect your child if ill?

Yes, I think it's awful (for the child) to send a poor child into nursery or school feeling ill.
Watching them sad and tired while the hustle and bustle ensues around them is really sad.

It’s contagious before you can even see it OP, same with chicken pox. Same with many illnesses or bugs.
Sure if your child is throwing their guts up, of course you should keep them home.
But commons colds and general sniffles and coughs? No you can’t always keep them off because it’s not an option for a lot of people.

its fair enough that you’re pissed off and upset because your child is unwell however seeing as they are unwell from an illness that is contagious before symptoms appear then honestly yes YABU, there is no way the other parent could have known they were sending their contagious child in.

Instead of blaming parents for taking sick children to nursery/school, why do people never blame employers for not being flexible with sick days?
If you want change, hold the right people accountable and stop punching down.

Like I said. There is no guarantee I will be called to collect, half the time she goes in a bit snotty a comes out fine and well at home time. And I gain the days salary, the ability to pay my bills, and less chance of my boss putting me on an attendance plan.

I'm curious. What do you think the solution is to this situation? If I can't go to work, I can't pay my bills. If I keep dd home, every time she looks a bit ill, you're talking 4-5 days a month at the moment. I would be on attendance plan by Christmas and fired by February.

What exactly is the solution? Because there must be one that I am missing for you to be so certain that I'm a terrible human being for sending her in.