To think sending your child to nursery, ill is selfish

[Anon778833]

If my toddler is ill, I do not send her into nursery - it’s as simple as that. If I have to not go into work, that’s just how it is.

There has been an outbreak of slapped cheek at my daughter’s nursery which she caught and now I also have caught too. And it’s a really horrible virus. My poor dd hasn’t eaten for nearly a week. And she is STILL spiking temperature.

Nursery sent out a message to say that thanks to people bringing ill children to nursery, they now have staff shortages. And that people must not bring ill kids to nursery.

I thought this was common sense.

Badger1970 while what happened to you is sad, you really do not & cannot know another obviously symptomatic child passed a bug to yours.

My DD got noro as a baby. When she got it she & i hadn't been anywhere for 3 days. The only person who had, was DS who had been at nursery. He wasnt really ill. With hindsight, he was tired that weekend but not apparently ill - yet he passed it to her (we later found out several kids got it - none had been sent to nursery ill).

Another parent's child may have been not really affected and passed something to yours, you cannot really blame anyone.

It’s worse now!

So many illness' like slapped cheek are infectious before symptoms so you can't blame parents for sending unwell child into nursery.

Also, many illness' in small children can mirror things like teething so it's hard as a parent to know if they are grumpy from teething/being over tired etc or are ill.

Working parents can't just take time off work 'in case'.

Back when I was a teacher my child would be going to school tomorrow even though they vomited yesterday

@Littlebluedinosaur I was also a teacher (primary) and I do appreciate the difficulties that working parents face. However, I also appreciate, and support, the frustration of the OP at those parents who KNOWINGLY send their sick children into school or nursery. I know, all too well, the problem of having a day or two off to look after a sick child but I would have never knowingly sent my children in with an obvious contagious illness such as slapped cheek or measles etc. as either me, DH or family contact would be called to collect them anyway. My point is, not everyone has the (dare I say it?) luxury of 13 weeks holiday so what do they do for childcare?

@AloysiusBear I completely agree and I think people should send their kids to nursery in those circumstances.

However a few weeks ago my child came back from school saying she had been comforting a child who had been sent to school when she had been up all night being sick (the child couldn't stand up for long and the parents sent them home). I've seen parents argue outside nursery when their kid has told the staff they've been sick this morning, they are still green, and the parents are arguing they've paid for it so the kid is going in. Plenty of people are still sending their highly contagious kids with D&V into nursery

Equally your kids arent our problem if they catch illness of someone else 🤷‍♀️

You cant plan the future so saying dont have kids you can't afford is idiotic in the extreme.

My schools outrageous for this! My headteacher chased one of the mams down the road after she dropped her other children off to get the poorly one off her! He looked so unwell he looked so weak and pale.and the head chased the mother to take him unto school! I couldn't believe it!

So what is your point? That if your child is ill, it isn’t your responsibility?

AloysiusBear · Today 21:07

People generally do not send very ill children in!

They do though.
I work in nursery and the amount of times children come in clearly very poorly would surprise you. It's one of our greatest frustrations because often it's these parents that when you ring to collect their child either don't answer or say they'll come and don't turn up for hours.
This then takes a member of staff out of service to look after that one child away from everyone else, cleaning up vomit/poo/snot, cuddling a feverish child while everyone struggles on short staffed. When they do turn up it's usually with the line, oh yes I gave them some Calpol and thought they'd be ok.
We sent 2 home last week and had texts the next day that they wouldn't be in because they'd been in hospital overnight! These children they wanted and love so much they just dump on us, you wouldn't go to work if you needed hospital treatment but expect us to look after them in nursery.

Well then you know why women can't take time off. We're judged on it. Plus if you think it's worse now then why even start this post?

I mean I feel the same as I did 10 years ago. We were definitely in the EU then. Luckily my dh agrees we split our time off. Anything extra and non contagious our parents step in. I'm not so small minded to assume everyone is in the same position as me!

The pressure though on working mums ! When I started back at work after maternity leave for both my children we went though a horrendous 6-12 months where they seemed to be ill every other week. Me and my husband tried to juggle between us but for some reason and I don’t know why, it seemed to fall on me more. I was lucky to have an understanding work - in those days we didn’t have home working - it would probably be easier now - but we just about coped. I must admit to taking mine in ill sometimes with a good dose of calpol - I don’t mean raging temperature and clearly massively off the scale ill but you can’t stay off work with every snotty nose ! Once those kids start mixing they catch everything. I think covid has made us a bit hyper alert to illness now. I really feel for working mums though - they can’t win and if they keep taking days off for their sick children they will lose their job unfortunately.

@MondaysChild7 Teacher here.... we're expected to come in with covid if we're not bed bound.

I had the education welfare officer knock on my door once because my daughter (13 at the time) was ill. The school had sent her home the previous day! It’s ridiculous.

If you sign a contract which says don’t bring your child to nursery ill then you are in the wrong to do it. It’s quite simple. The more ill people there are spreading bugs around, the more likely the nursery will have to close. And what do you do then?

Do you seriously have zero empathy for the issue? I will, as said, have shared time off and use my family. For anyone who doesn't have the same support, I'm not going to judge. For every one parent who's selfish, there is another who is desperate. I'll get over it. Plus I've never known a school/nursery close for a bug. Maybe you've just been unlucky. (Unless you count Covid, but I've not included that as everywhere closed)

I agree. Nursery is no place to be for a sick child and you're only summoned back anyway.

But not everyone can leave work and keep their job.

Childminder is a better option really. Less sickness.

@MondaysChild7 this is basically an anti brexit thread dressed up as something else based on how many times you've mentioned it! And why assume that everyone who disagrees with you on the thread votes Tory , that is incredibly narrow minded

My child is 25 and I had to deal with all this then - kids coming in literally green then sat in reception with their head in a bowl by 9.30 - sad truth is that employers are not as hard on people who get the call, than they are on parents who just can't come in because their child is sick. That was what it was like then and what it's like now. It's called survival.

You are very very vocal on your thread and have a lot of judgement to share - so answer one question with honesty - do you get paid when your kids are home unwell?

If you don't, how do you still pay the nursery fees that are still due?

I actually do understand what it’s like to work for an employer who bullies people, yes. But I still take time off if needed. Having called their bluff, they did not sack me.

The real issue here, is some people not wanting to take time off work because they don’t want to have less than they would have another week - not that they are actually afraid to lose the roof over their head. Or they don’t enjoy looking after a sick child.

I don’t think there is a general consensus around when a child is too sick for childcare/school. Lots of posters here saying that they always keep their child home ‘unless it’s just a cold.’ But the child with a cold is still carrying a virus that can effect others more severely, or it may just be the beginning of a more serious illness. I think someone else upthread said that they knew their child was actually sick because calpol didn’t break their fever however I wouldn’t send a child in until they stopped having fevers altogether.

You think it's as simple as "less than"? Some parents may have to choose between sending a sick child to school or afford to eat every day the following month. Some situations are that dire.

Op - slapped cheek is specifically on the NHS list of illnesses to still send children to school with, as are many illnesses that a lot of people wouldn’t expect

Covid too if no temperature and threats of unauthorised absence of child does not go to school for it

For families with school age children as well as at nursery they will send them in more when unwell, as the school age siblings are expected by the schools to go in even with things that many nurseries try to stop children attending with so many families will take same approach with the nursery aged child

I'm more than happy to stay home with my poorly child. It involves no morning rush and films! You're right I won't be sacked. My timetable may change. I may have duties which wiped out the last staff member.

I keep my days off to a minimum. I probably make the wrong choice sometimes. My dh never has to make the same choices. I don't completely disagree with you (In an ideal world I'd be with you) but I see outside what I have. I'm married. With a great support system. A job under County Council. Yet I still worry. Says it all really!

Well between schools that demand children there if they're ill or not (and mine is 20 now, and it was bad enough when she was at school) and employers who don't give one inch on absence for caring for sick children who don't have anyone else, it's hardly surprising this happens really.
I don't think it's always down to someone being selfish and just wanting to do what they want to do, it's a societal issue as well. And for some in the lowest regarded jobs, especially zero hour contracts, it can cause the loss of a roof over your head.
I got into a lot of debt because I became ill a few months after my DD became ill and we'd both needed hospitalisation, all be it at separate times a few months apart, both were genuine, yet if it weren't for family I would have lost the roof over our heads. I kept that but have not long finished paying the debt that was racked up off - which included fees added to council tax for not having enough money to start with.

If we stopped punishing low wages workers in this country we might stand a chance of sorting stuff like this out.

And don't get me started on the LA letter I got when DD broke her collar bone and needed a few appointments in school time to sort it out - threatened with a fine because I sought the right medical treatment for my child.

Did you see the post on here where the poster said that she had a still birth at 24 weeks due to slapped cheek?

What the NHS says is irrelevant where nurseries are concerned. I have never come across a nursery which doesn’t state that ill children will be sent home.

Sometimes illness is not obvious until after the contagious stage.