Am I being unreasonable for wanting another child

[Wiluli]

I’m almost 40 , I have 2 kids from a previous relationship and one with my partner and my partner has a teen daughter that we love .
I love him to bits and we have a great relationship been together 3 years . One of my oldest daughters has severe autism so she will always be in my care. prior to being with my current partner I was single for a long time , I always been in charge of rent my home ,car etc , I paid and pay my own bills my whole life .
Anyway my youngest is now 1 year old , I’m hitting my 40s and I feel like I found the love of my life so late that certain options where taken from us .
I had a pregnancy scare , I thought I was pregnant as I’m late 3 days ( I’m never late ) but the test was negative .
I feel both of us should be relieved , home is to small to add another kid ( only have 3ans half bedrooms ) and we rent so would mean a move , I just got a big promotion , I have enough on my plate , we are old etc etc etc , all the logical reasons !
But as soon as I his face I could see the disappointment and to be honest I was too .
Am I being completely irrational for wanting another child ?
I wish I had more time to decide but I know I won’t die to my age .

I'm amazed you have a secure job, paying very well, that allows you to work from home, FT, whilst looking after a 1 year old, which would become a 1 and less than 3 year old, a primary school child and another with special need.

I want that job!

Thanks for making me lol . I don’t think I ever been so judged in my life in such a short amount of time . I consider myself quite down to earth and somewhat negative but wow , thinking everyone should always do everything thinking about the worst possible y is just lunacy

So why is there a UK housing crisis? Why are we pouring concrete on the countryside, if we have too few people?

OP, do what you want, it's your life. Just don't become one of those posters who want everyone to feel sorry for them when they are being evicted, can't find anywhere else big enough for the whole family, waiting for a social housing home but getting nowhere, and moaning that it's not fair your kids might have to move school and your disabled child does t deserve it. Then when asked about having more children get angry, insisting it wasn't your fault but all was fine then, that everyone should be entitled to have as many as they want, rich or not, and that nothing is your fault. Sadly, there seem to be more and more of such posts.

If you are prepared to accept whatever circumstances come later in life and blame nothing else, than go for it. Like other posters, it might turn out the best decision you've made.

Anyway, HAVE ANOTHER BABY! You can afford it, you have a home full of love, why not? I think the negative posters here are just Pearl clutching envious nobody’s who love having a bit of a holier than thou attitude on anonymous forums!

You're not really a "TerfQueen" are you with a response like that. Pathetic

If you can afford to and it’s what you both want then why not?

Only you know what’s best for your older daughter but guessing she has been fine the last year with the addition of your 1 year old for you to be considering another!

Good luck with whatever you decide x

@vivainsomnia this!

How many times have we seen “well we were ok when we decided to have number 5/6/7 in a rented house or “children are not a privilege for the rich” no, but they do take money & space & time and a working mother of 4, 1 of whom has additional needs, definitely doesn’t have plenty of free time to give!

Yep, because nobody with those options would CHOOSE to live in an overcrowded rental, would they?!? 😂

Took me a lot of time and sacrifice to be where I am . My special needs child ) actually young adult ) does not need constant attention in the house thankfully , 1 year old stays with partner when I work ( he leaves at 5 am back at 2 pm and I get up at 5:30 am to be able to work 3 hours until daughter goes to school . I admit I often work non social hours . I’m still getting used to it as I’ve just finished maternity leave last month but it’s ok , probably would be harder with 2 but by the time the baby was one this baby would be almost 3 and could go into nursery . I’m by no means saying it’s easy but it’s doable and we still mange dinner together every night and to be together 90% of the weekends .

@TerfQueen love your responses! Couldn't agree more. I am gobsmacked by some of the replies. Op seems to have a sensible and her eyes wide open to what would lie ahead.

Overcrowded rental ? I currently have a room for each child , we live in a detached farm with acres around us and no neighbours ! What part of my posts did you get the overcrowded from apart from your imagination ? Geeee you really have some sort of issue !! If we were to have another child while still here I’m sure they could share a year with the youngest sibling , al rooms are double . It would nit exactly be overcrowded . I would love to see your living arrangements .

Thank you . She loves the siblings , all of them , specially the baby , the 5 year old is very bossy and they have their days lol not different to any other siblings . She is very very protective of them

Congratulations. I completely see what you mean . I was a mum at 20 and 34 and 39 and although I have less energy I have more patience and stress much less about things now . I have much more stability too financially so know the kids will not go without . Completely different to having one on my first year of uni as I had .

OP, you can’t get angry at people assuming you don’t have room for another child in your house when your first post literally says “home is to small to add another kid ( only have 3ans half bedrooms )”

I’m not angry , all but one person gave their opinion politely and that’s ok . Not having separate bedrooms and being overcrowded are different things .

In your case I would ask myself if you want a child because it's another bond with your partner or if you want another child in the family. If it's the former I would have a very deep think why that is.

The other consideration is practical. Do you have access to sufficient local childcare in case you end up with twins or a bad sleeper and you need nursery cover? You don't mention any local family that could lend a hand when you have a toddler and a baby. And often babies when they sleep are less disruptive than 2 and 3 year olds full of beans that wake at 6!

If you both really want a baby, can afford it and can work the logistics whilst ensuring your existing kids keep getting what they need, then go for it!

FFS Callisto, why don't you make it mandatory to have a license for child bearing and be done with it. You're talking to the op like she has never had a child. Are you this overbearing in RL? Perhaps remember how much insight you had at the op's age. She's not 16.

I personally think you’re absolutely mental and it’s just that you’re only just back from maternity leave that’s making you broody. You already have four children between you. That’s enough for any family, it’s enough in terms of financial and environmental impact.

But you’ve clearly made up your mind that five children is the state you want to be in, so crack on.

Some of these comments are unbelievable! Op has 3 children already including the fact she's raised a child with additional support needs. I am pretty sure she knows what is ahead of her if she has another child. I think she has already proved she's quite capable

Your youngest is only 1 years old. The rental market is crazy. Its not fair on the kids you already have and its not as though you don't have a baby with your current partner. Count your blessings! Think, you will still be doing the school run in your late 40s. Utter madness in the nicest way

Thanks for your input . We won’t be renting forever or even long term . I have land , the reason we are yet to build is when I moved to Scotland from England I decided the planning permission on the house that was in place was not what I wanted so we started a new one but covid hit so I withdrew the applications just a couple of weeks after it was logged so it wouldn’t lapse . Since then partner moved in and obviously the family changed so the drawings and plans need to be redone and all that and building takes time .
I know for a fact I would love another child and that we have enough time an solve for one , ideally that would have been in my forever home but at almost 40 I do t have the luxury of time to wait until all is “ perfect “

@Wiluli there's no snobbery from me about renting. I rent also however we are living in testing times and recently I have started to save for my child and worry about how he would afford to leave home.... there's no way my Son would get a Council house like how I did when I was 20 once he turns 20.

I don't think anybody has suggested you wouldn't love another potential child.

Did you miss her youngest is only 1 years old?

No. It would be really selfish of you all things considered, especially the children you already have.