To refuse a school home visit?

[CoffeePlease93]

My son has just started school this year so I don’t know if this is the norm or not?

So apparently his school (not the teachers) does home visits with all the new parents to discuss any issues going on and for a chit chat (and probably just to be nosey around your home too!)

I have already had to reschedule once because we -all had COVID but I’ve got it coming up again now but it’s just such an inconvenience! I work from home, have a medical procedure coming up which I have several appointments beforehand and I also have a private issue going on (legal issues) which is requiring a lot of solicitor appointments and admin stuff at home at the moment too.

There has been no issues with my son at school whatsoever, he is doing amazingly well, glowing reports, I have brilliant communication with his actual teachers - I don’t need any extra support with anything and there is a parent’s evening coming up soon anyway.

I also have an extremely anxious dog who really stresses out if stranger’s come into the home (constantly barking, pacing up and down, sometimes wee’s - something we are working on but he came from a bad home previous to us).

WIBU to tell them I don’t need a home visit and this just isn’t going to work for me or will it be seen as bad and negative thing like I’m not co-operating or I’m being resistant etc?

And yes… I do tend to overthink everything which is why I’m asking!

@Pumperthepumper you come across as one of those teachers (thankfully there are very few) who can't be bothered to attend these core group/CPC etc meetings or write reports, as your time is too precious and safeguarding isn't important to you.

Here's why this is important. Think of a case like the little boy in the Midlands, Arthur Labinjo Hughes. If there had been a home visit, school might have observed Arthur seeming fearful /subdued in the home, might have noticed that interactions between him and his stepmum weren't quite right. Might have observed him asking for a drink of water and nobody getting him one.

If people think these home visits aren't about safeguarding they are kidding themselves. Yes it's also a chance to get to know a child when they are a relaxed at home, but while in the home of course a visitor is going to notice if for eg the home is unsanitary. Or a teenaged older brother who happens to be around is aggressive and could be a risk to a young child. Or simple stuff like the TV is on the whole duration of the visit and it's showing something not suitable for a child, but the child is in the room.
How do people not see that's its quite important that there are opportunities for professionals to observe the home conditions children are living in, and that it's more important than mum 'not liking having people in the house' 🤦🏼‍♀️

Yes, I’m a teacher who is fully aware of safeguarding procedures and also fully aware of how vastly unlikely it is that the OP would ever be investigated over something as trivial as a missed appointment with a random member of staff.

I expressed the opinion that if OP communicated with the school in the same manner, that wouldn’t bode well for home/school relations.

I don't think you need to worry about how the OP communicates with the school, as you'll see if you read her posts, eg

There has been no issues with my son at school whatsoever, he is doing amazingly well, glowing reports, I have brilliant communication with his actual teachers

And

I communicate with the school every day, his teacher even commented very recently how the other children don’t have half of what he has because I’m so on the ball with meeting his needs and stuff with school

There seems to be no purpose to this visit, which I think is why the OP would prefer to decline rather than try to fit it in when she has a lot going on.

I don't think anyone has suggested it would be the basis of an investigation they've suggested it would be noted (and yes, it absolutely would) because it's something that could later contribute to a bigger picture.

That’s quite abrasive of you.

And you’re wrong. A massive percentage of my school role has involvement with external support partners. Believe me when I say, I know how desperate a situation has to be before any kind of support is found. Or funded.

@OP We had a home visit when ds started school. My understanding was it's in order to familiarise the dc with their teacher just before school starts AND also to make sure you actually live at the address you said you do on the application form! this way they spot those who have cheated the system.

It won’t be ‘noted’. Where do you think these endless ‘notes’ on trivial points are kept? Who does the noting?

You don’t use CPOMs then? The teacher does the noting. That’s the expectation. It’s all on the system.

@supsupersonicginandtonic school cannot just ring around professionals check of there are any issues like you saud in your pp. I hope people know that that is not allowed.

I wouldn’t have wanted to do this, not because I’ve got anything to hide just because it would be a pain in the arse and I don’t need it. I declined health visitor appointments too, just called them to say we have no issues, thanks for the offer but no thanks.

Just say no thank you, if there are any issues I’ll discuss them at parents evening. It’s not compulsory to allow home visits

As for it ‘raising a red flag’ I couldn’t give a toss. It would only be an issue if there were other concerns and you weren’t engaging with services. There’s nothing remotely reaching any thresholds for safeguarding referral about declining an offer of a home visit.

@CoffeePlease93 you mentioned your son has some additional needs? Is it the SENCO visiting? Could it be about this? You also mentioned awaiting a medical procedure, is your son being flagged as a young carer?

It may simply be that they are trying to find out if you are in need of support as a family - you mention poor physical health, CAMHS involvement, additional needs, and possibly DV in the past (you mentioned home not being safe and social services involvement in the past). It sounds to me like they are just trying to be supportive of you and your son, and for whatever reason they thought it would be more comfortable for you to have the chat in your own home. Its actually not the best place for you and possibly not the best time, and that’s fine, but just tell them this.

They aren’t psychic, they don’t know what’s going on, they just have the history, and so are wanting to make sure they have offered support. If you don’t need it that’s fine, but some families would be desperate for it and may find it harder to reach out. So do tell them if it’s not something you need right now, but no need to do so in a way that’s defensive or ‘throwing it back in their face’ - I think this is coming from a place of trying to help.

If it’s about your sons additional needs, but you would prefer it to take place at school than your home, then again, just tell them this!

I really don’t see the need for the hostility and bristly attitude and I think if you respond to the school in the way you have here that will harm your relationship with the school. It’s just unnecessarily unpleasant.

It’s unfair but I think this post is correct. Avoiding them coming into your home will probably arouse some (minor) suspicion that you are hiding some issues at home. It’s normal round here though didn’t happen because of covid when mine started school and I also felt it would be a bit intrusive - though i’d prefer they do it and catch any issues in other homes that may need dealing with that not do it. I think as the child is happy and settled at school it’s likely that suspicion will be very mild but I do think it will happen. The poster who mentioned it isn’t judging just being realistic that unfortunately others might be.

@Theillustratedmummy I meant if school already knew there were other agencies involved.

Sounds like you've made up your mind about this and have your reasons so just contact the school and say no to the home visit. Yes, that might think one thing or another but probably not that deeply to be honest - I mean its a professional thing, not a personal thing after all - and I doubt it will have much if any impact of your child's time at school.

So, no I don't think YBU although you do sound quite anxious or stressed about it which you may or may not need to be, but ultimately if you think all your reasons for saying no are valid then go with that with confidence. Your life, your child.

Laughable. You’ve demonstrated clearly that you’re not fully aware of safeguarding procedures. Although you did a little feeble backtracking, you initially let slip that you weren’t aware that “trivial” notes are made regarding things like this. Which in turn betrays a lack of knowledge of the basic safeguarding principle of reporting, not judging (I.e. it’s not up to staff to make a judgement on whether something is a sign of something untoward; it’s simply their job to report it via the appropriate channel). Additionally it betrays a lack of understanding that even “trivial” events can form a very revealing big picture.

@KweenieBeanz but the people conducting these visits are not trained or experienced in assessing these highly complex issues. They are not trained to make those judgements based on sitting in someone's living room for 10 minutes. Yes they can flag up out of ordinary behaviour if they happen to see it on a agreed home visit to meet the teacher, but they should not be conducting these visits to check on safeguarding for every child. That is not their role and its is massively intrusive and not ok.

I would say No thank you, we don’t need any additional support and as you know my child is doing well at school.

I accepted a home visit before my child started Reception. I deliberately closed the kitchen door because I didn’t want them looking in to the kitchen which was a mess because j had put all my effort in to making the hallway, living room and downstairs loo look nice 😀. To my horror I heard them outside my house and saw them peering through the kitchen window, all 3 of them!!!! Before they rang my doorbell!

I will refuse the home visit for my next child.

No it doesn’t - it’s a stark fact that no matter how many optional appointments the OP refuses to accommodate, the chances of any kind of further action being taken is laughable.

Just tell them that you work full time, but if they want to visit when you’re not working (they won’t), that they’re welcome too. Surely loads of other parents can’t accommodate this because they also work?

The primary school I work at does home visits but it’s BEFORE they start school not after. Not compulsory at all. I had one for my first child but not my second as I felt they knew us by then and DD2 went to the school nursery. It does give the teacher(and head in our case) an insight into the child’s life and their well being at home and is an opportunity for your child to meet them on their home territory.

So the home visit I did where there was a baby in a cot in the corner of the living room in a pile of his nappies, covered in his own mess, was nonsense?
What about the one where the children were eating food off the floor that was covered in dog shit?

That was something that no one would notice or contact social services about?

As everyone has said. Observations/reports are NOT judgements. Someone flagging that a child has a suspicious injury is not making the judgement of child abuse they are simply reporting an observation of an injury.
So many people here do not understand safeguarding. It is EVERYONE's responsibility who comes into contact with children. The neighbour who observes children being screamed at through a window is not a trained professional and does not make a judgement, but they do make a report of an observation.

The point is that the visit provides an opportunity to observe. Not judge! But observe.

It's not a thing round here but it is easily refused if you do not want it to take place.
If it raises safeguarding concerns to them well then can escalate that in the usual way.

I agree it is a strange way of life. But plenty of people on MN say they have never anyone in the house.