To refuse a school home visit?

[CoffeePlease93]

My son has just started school this year so I don’t know if this is the norm or not?

So apparently his school (not the teachers) does home visits with all the new parents to discuss any issues going on and for a chit chat (and probably just to be nosey around your home too!)

I have already had to reschedule once because we -all had COVID but I’ve got it coming up again now but it’s just such an inconvenience! I work from home, have a medical procedure coming up which I have several appointments beforehand and I also have a private issue going on (legal issues) which is requiring a lot of solicitor appointments and admin stuff at home at the moment too.

There has been no issues with my son at school whatsoever, he is doing amazingly well, glowing reports, I have brilliant communication with his actual teachers - I don’t need any extra support with anything and there is a parent’s evening coming up soon anyway.

I also have an extremely anxious dog who really stresses out if stranger’s come into the home (constantly barking, pacing up and down, sometimes wee’s - something we are working on but he came from a bad home previous to us).

WIBU to tell them I don’t need a home visit and this just isn’t going to work for me or will it be seen as bad and negative thing like I’m not co-operating or I’m being resistant etc?

And yes… I do tend to overthink everything which is why I’m asking!

Normal both where I grew up and where I live now. I don't see why you can't refuse though.

OP: I have this dilemma / situation
25 posters: you obviously have something to hide, it's normal round here (what, after the child has already started school?), why do you have a dog with issues, you aren't prioritising your child, etc etc
OP: (understandably feeling attacked) tries to explain further - especially to people who haven't read the OP properly
Poster: you're being defensive and bristly, I hope you aren't this vile in real life.

[sigh] I see this so often on MN.

OP: If you have a full time job and health and legal issues going on, I understand that it feels all too much. I would suggest postponing it, and ask what the precise reason for the visit is. Are the 'support workers' Early Help?

Its ridiculous and actually laughable that people think a single home visit by a TA or whatever will be able to pick up on abuse and even neglect. Give over. These are hugely complex issues, a single home visit will not show a thing.
Also nothing will be 'noted down'. No one in the real world has time to note down and action something like this.

As it happens I have declined the home visit....you know what has happened....nothing.

@Pumperthepumper stop twisting my words. I started by saying it could set off alarm bells. Not that it DEFINITELY WOULD, we don't know the OPs background but school may do. I'm sure you've worked with some families who sadly have chaotic backgrounds or are vulnerable.

Doesn't happen in all of England either. Especially not for an entire school! Some of the primary schools I work with have intakes of 90 to 120 in Reception. Even with 3 to 5 teachers and 3 to 5 TAs (and they're rare and precious these days) I can't think of the schools that have time for this.
The ONLY time I know schools go to homes is to when a child stops attending suddenly and there is either no contact with the parent or the child has a long term sickness absence. The first is part of the school registration guidance to see if the family are at the address. The second is often to provide some school work, see the child and maintain a home to school link.
God I deal with some really deprived schools and they just wouldn't have the resources to do visits for everyone. The welfare team/team around the child are too busy in school!

Dear God , people on this site just can't avoid hysterics, can they? We now have a poster asking a perfectly reaosnable question - regardless of whether we individually agree with them or not - and someone just has to get to "you are a potential child abuser who prefers their dog over their child, said dog of course being ready to kill someone". Give it a rest FFS. There's a dog hating thread every other bloody hour on this site, so lets leave it out of the other threads.

To be honest, if someone told me that these checks were to identify problems in the household, I'd also tell them no. No because there are any, but becaise it is pretty close to policing peoples homes for no good reason. And actually, before reading this post, I'd have let them visit!!!!

None of this angst is needed. Just give them one item off your giant list of reasons why it's inconvenient and say no thanks

It’s not a nosey. It is a vital visit really as it enables them to see your child in a home setting on their ‘terms’ it’s very informal and enables you to say whatever you feel. Please accept it and just make it early in the morning etc

I do! And do you know what happens with these ‘alarm bells’? Absolutely nothing because we do not have adequately funded social care. The idea that the OP’s kid would get anywhere near a social worker on the back of one missed unnecessary appointment is laughable. And you know that, so why pretend otherwise on here?

@Theillustratedmummy it actually can. They could certainly raise concerns. Back when I was teaching I visited a home where they had 9 dogs, 8 children and clutter and dirt everywhere. It wasn't safe. Unfortunately the poor mum just could not cope and was struggling with her mental health. Thankfully she did go on to get the support she needed.

She wouldn’t get it now.

@toomuchlaundry a lot of those reasons would be things that school would like to know about as may need to give extra support to the children

sure. But there still are no obligations on parents to allow school staff into their homes. And I say that as a teacher. Although I agree it would ring the alarm bells and would be recorded on whatever system the school is using.

@Pumperthepumper are you one of the teachers that doesn't attend core group
Meetings and CPC's? You certainly sound like one.

Normal in our area. They started it about 5 years ago. I felt a bit anxious, cleaned the house etc (!) but in the end the teacher came in with the TA, they only sat in the lounge for ten minutes, they were lovely with my DC and it was just a general chat. This was just before Reception had started. I think they just want to connect with the child and the parent/carer in the child's own environment where presumably the child feels most relaxed.

"Alarm bells" is probably too... alarmist. But it will be noted. Safeguarding is often about patterns of behaviour, like building up a jigsaw. It's one jigsaw peice. If nothing else happens then it just sits there, but it could potentially be part - just part - of a safeguarding process.

I am a primary school teacher...tell them to fuck off!! This is NOT 'a thing'.

(If you don't wish to be rude, don't lie as some posters have suggested, just decline...say simply, "Thank you for offering, but I'll say no to this, we can chat at parents evening or any other time you'd like me to call into school to see you!" (Nosy buggers!!)

In what way do I sound like one?

I’ve been the teacher that’s done these visits. Admittedly before the child starts - not really sure I see the benefit afterwards.

Truthfully, I wasn’t there to look for dust. It was a way of meeting the child in their own environment.

I’ve never had somebody refuse. Not sure what I’d have thought if I had. If I’m honest, it wouldn’t have got the school relationship off to a good start and I think it might have crossed my mind to wonder why.

It won’t be ‘noted’. Where do you think these endless ‘notes’ on trivial points are kept? Who does the noting?

@Movingtomorrow thank you. She won't listen though 🙄

A home visit is routinely offered to children BEFORE they start school...so the child and parents have chance to meet.

The OPs child has already started school! There's no need at all for this!

I haven't read the full thread but I would be inclined to say it doesn't work for you right now then elaborate if you wish but don't feel obligated to then say happy to arrange an appointment at a later date if necessary but your preference would be to have the call via zoom.

I’m talking about the way OP communicates with school and I had imagined that, as a teacher, you would presumably not approach school with a combative manner. If she’s as abrasive with them as she’s been on this thread then yes, school will almost certainly have an opinion about that. I thought that the context would be clear from the first comment of mine that you quoted.

Although I’m still perplexed as to why OP would ask for opinions from internet strangers if she’s going to then see her arse when they give them.

We had a home visit from the teacher before kids started - I think it’s just to see and interact with the kids in an environment they’re comfortable with. My daughter had a small tea party set up when they arrived and the teacher sat on the floor and played with her and chatted. Did a bit of subtle “and how many teddies do you have here” seeing if she could count etc.

then they just asked if there were any issues or concerns. I never felt judged! (Even the time we’d had a party the week before and our recycling bin was overflowing with wine bottles….😳)

’She’ won’t listen to lies and scaremongering, no.