To refuse a school home visit?

[CoffeePlease93]

My son has just started school this year so I don’t know if this is the norm or not?

So apparently his school (not the teachers) does home visits with all the new parents to discuss any issues going on and for a chit chat (and probably just to be nosey around your home too!)

I have already had to reschedule once because we -all had COVID but I’ve got it coming up again now but it’s just such an inconvenience! I work from home, have a medical procedure coming up which I have several appointments beforehand and I also have a private issue going on (legal issues) which is requiring a lot of solicitor appointments and admin stuff at home at the moment too.

There has been no issues with my son at school whatsoever, he is doing amazingly well, glowing reports, I have brilliant communication with his actual teachers - I don’t need any extra support with anything and there is a parent’s evening coming up soon anyway.

I also have an extremely anxious dog who really stresses out if stranger’s come into the home (constantly barking, pacing up and down, sometimes wee’s - something we are working on but he came from a bad home previous to us).

WIBU to tell them I don’t need a home visit and this just isn’t going to work for me or will it be seen as bad and negative thing like I’m not co-operating or I’m being resistant etc?

And yes… I do tend to overthink everything which is why I’m asking!

It’s quite common now yes. Sure you can refuse though.

@Pumperthepumper Someone shouting to f*ck off down the phone would 100% raise concerns. Even if the concern was only that they'd had a negative experience before and seemed unable to control their emotions in that instance. No I wouldn't automatically make me think - wow, child abuse. But neither would I come off the call like, cool, I'll just leave that.

Would you not think ‘well, since this visit is entirely optional and pointless, fair enough’?

@Pumperthepumper nope not at all. No home visit is pointless. No occasion of engaging with a family/parent is pointless. Everything helps me glean something about the child and family even if it's mundane.

It's my role to think deeper into things, and to not just shrug it off.

You’re not learning anything about them though! You’re making massive assumptions based on their demeanour!

The chit chat would be over in less than the amount of time you have spent on here defending your choice and reasoning.

I have no authority to force a home visit

You come over as someone who wishes they did have the authority to force one though

I think you’ve had a hard time with this OP.
there’s nothing wrong with not wanting other people in your home, especially while you’re working. If they are late/early could impact your work.

if it’s about putting a face to a name then maybe a teams meeting would be ok?

it does make things smoother if you’ve previously met and if there comes a time when you need the help/support or info from that person.

How many kids have died because people DIDN'T JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS ??

It's as simple as this... look at the 'missed opportunity at inquests...

Where children were being abused and social workers didn't follow up ...

It's remains THIS SIMPLE ... if you have nothing to hide then you have nothing to hide ...

Bit if you are trying to avoid the you have SOMETHING to hide..

I will come out now and swiftly name change ...

I am a criminal investigator in the field of modern slavery .. which includes the full gamut of domestic servitude.. I have seen stuff that NO ONE NEEDS TO SEE....

Have a home visit OP if you are not hiding anything.. otherwise I JUDGE. YOU !!

This is yet more nonsense on this weird thread - children die because there isn’t adequate social care in this country. Do you know what would happen if every single one of us reported a concern? Fuck all. Nothing. It’s got exactly zilch do with people not reporting concerns - it’s that the system is so poorly funded nothing happens to those reports. Social workers playing games by phoning people to check their demeanour will help nobody. Literally nobody.

You dont sound in a fit state to be investigating anything to be honest.

We work with children who are subject to the NRM and some of their NRM workers are also somewhat unhinged. I wonder what it is about them?

Many people on this thread seem to be really social worker averse and extremely defensive. Perhaps they've had bad experiences.

Ultimately, social workers can't do right for doing wrong. They want to visit a home, it's intrusive. When they don't visit, they're negligent.

Also people are incredibly defensive. Perhaps a school staff member doesn't just want to see your home. Perhaps they want to see you face to face to offer you the time of day to air any concerns or grievances about the school? Some parents aren't as confident to ring and complain but may readily make a comment in a 1:1 situation.

School staff/social workers aren't sneaking about trying to trip people up. As someone noted, we are busy.

I'm literally going to OFFER this to parents, if they want to meet me, as there has been a lot of staff inconsistently.

Also @CaptaNoctem absolutely not. What a nonsense statement. Nothing about the offer of a visit indicates that I'm rearing to harass parents to allow me into their homes. You do realise that doing home visits is a huge time out of my working day. I was advised that parents have complained about no consistency in DSL and poor contact home/engagement so I plan to rectify.

You don’t have a reason to visit their home though. You’re doing it to build a picture of what you think they should be like. I think your time would be better spent actually helping the kids on your caseload.

* Brllac11
*
If you know how the NRM is abused I am surprised you even posted this !!

@Pumperthepumper again, wrong. I have no template of what a family should be like. There is no such thing!

I think you are over thinking this, it’s perfectly normal, although mine did have a visit before school started. They brought a teddy along for my daughter, we just sat in the conservatory, took about 15 mins. They don’t look around the house, they don’t care if it’s messy. I’d say just do it, there will be plenty of more things in your child’s school years that you will have to do that you won’t agree with. You can lock the dog in another room, appointments can be scheduled so they don’t clash, you will show your child that they don’t have to be anxious too.

Ultimately, social workers can't do right for doing wrong. They want to visit a home, it's intrusive. When they don't visit, they're negligent.

I'm not saying that social work isn't an impossible job at the moment, or that social workers aren't hugely valuable and under-appreciated. It is and they are. But I think most people's version of the above would be "they want to visit a home with no evidence that anything is wrong, it's intrusive. When they don't visit where there is evidence that something is wrong, they're negligent."

In the OP's case it's not a safeguarding visit, it's not a pre-school introductory visit, it's not for the parent to raise concerns with the teacher, it's not to observe the child in his own home and it's not for the benefit of the mum, who doesn't want or need it. It's just pointless and intrusive.

Yet you’re still looking out for their demeanour?

The underfunded social care system is part of the problem, it is not all of the problem. There are common themes in SCRs and it isn’t as simple as a poorly skilled and poorly resourced work forced.
Some people act like they’re the authority on this type of issue while clearly being not as informed as the try to portray!

OP, you are perfectly entitled to decline a home visit in these circumstances. There’s no need to explain, just simply say it is not convenient and ask if you could visit the school or reschedule. :) I would - and did - accept home visits before starting school by the actual person who is teaching my child. I wouldn’t worry about this. Some parents won’t be able to take time off work. My neighbour is a teacher, she won’t be home during any school day!

@Bovrilly fair enough, that's a reasonable assessment.

I'm with hadtochangetothisone

She speaks so much sense !!

Personally I’d suggest to them that you can either talk over zoom as it has to be during your lunch break which varies, or you can come before pick up one day if you collect your child from school? Just explain you have a busy and very tight schedule to work to. You won’t be the only parent that literally can’t get time off to do something like this. (Not that I’m saying that is your case, but that scenario will be the case for some parents/guardians).

I hope you come to a suitable solution.

I've never heard of it around our area (NI) but I'd have welcomed it. It'd have been great to have a chance to ask questions, discuss how DD was getting on etc when she started school. I'd prefer if it was the actual teacher though.

You’re being antagonist. Of course telling a social worker to fuck off is going to raise some alarm bells. Can you honestly not think why?

Why are you being so argumentative about this I wonder? She never said she’s judging on demeanour alone. But wanting to build a full picture about a family. You don’t seem to know much about safeguarding training.