To refuse a school home visit?

[CoffeePlease93]

My son has just started school this year so I don’t know if this is the norm or not?

So apparently his school (not the teachers) does home visits with all the new parents to discuss any issues going on and for a chit chat (and probably just to be nosey around your home too!)

I have already had to reschedule once because we -all had COVID but I’ve got it coming up again now but it’s just such an inconvenience! I work from home, have a medical procedure coming up which I have several appointments beforehand and I also have a private issue going on (legal issues) which is requiring a lot of solicitor appointments and admin stuff at home at the moment too.

There has been no issues with my son at school whatsoever, he is doing amazingly well, glowing reports, I have brilliant communication with his actual teachers - I don’t need any extra support with anything and there is a parent’s evening coming up soon anyway.

I also have an extremely anxious dog who really stresses out if stranger’s come into the home (constantly barking, pacing up and down, sometimes wee’s - something we are working on but he came from a bad home previous to us).

WIBU to tell them I don’t need a home visit and this just isn’t going to work for me or will it be seen as bad and negative thing like I’m not co-operating or I’m being resistant etc?

And yes… I do tend to overthink everything which is why I’m asking!

@Oblomov22 I’m coping fine thank you very much, it’s literally mainly a timing and inconvenience issue especially when there isn’t any issues to discuss and I’m getting relevant support from the right people and this isn’t even coming from the class teacher. It’s like the parent team at the school, they do it for everyone, yes they have no concerns they just offer all parents a chance to ask them any questions etc which I don’t need to do

Never heard of this before! I think you're not being unreasonable to decline though, for the reasons you've given.

I know children are abused. This is not an excuse for someone to come round your house and check on you unless they have some other cause for concern. Though not an exclusive list that would include visible injury, extreme withdrawnness, unkemptness, inappropriate behaviour and possibly persistent lateness especially when accompanied by a primary-aged child not being accompanied by a parent.

What else are people who insist routine home visits are a good thing looking for? How long do they keep them up?

Not every child who is abused and deserving of help lives in a house with dog shit on the carpets and parents who get pissed before 10am. But if they do those signs are easier to spot than someone who is a psychological abuser but welcomes you in and gives you a fancy biscuit with your coffee.

Abuse can start at any time at any time in a child's life and usually starts with a change in circumstance like parents losing their jobs or developing a substance abuse problem or a single mother getting a new partner. Obviously not all change leads to abuse. Many parents respond heroically to it which is why it is always worth looking out for signs rather than routine home visits which are a waste of time and likely to be refused no matter how that looks.

@user1496146479 go calm down and make yourself a cup of tea or coffee. My working hours are weekdays only and I can’t plan hospital appointments for Sundays either unfortunately

OP appears 'uncooperative' and 'unwilling to engage completely' by not allowing random strangers in her house? And therefore they will 'keep an eye' on her children?

That isn't safeguarding. It's overstepping bs.

Your updates make it seem less and less that you’re coping.

Yoyr child has CAHMS involvement, yet you’re STILL not willing to fully engage with the school.

You have anxiety, legal issues, health issues, can’t spare a bit of time for an appointment with people who may well benefit your child.

You’re antagonistic, sarcastic and argumentative, and rather unpleasant sounding at times.

I wouldn’t be surprised if they’re offering you a home visit that not everyone gets, because you are a walking red flag at times.

But good luck to you and your children!

I'm in Wales with 3 in School. Never ever had this.

@Derbee okay hun 😊

Do you have a lot going on Derbee? Are you quite ok?

What a bizarre, passive-aggressive response to a non-event.

Very odd response. You don't sound ok.

@Johnnysgirl I’m great just enjoying watching them make an idiot out of themselves with their aggressive little message when I’ve already said I’m going to let them do a home visit but keep it to a certain time frame 🤷‍♀️😂

You seriously don’t have any concerns, based on all of the OP’s posts?

You must be reading something completely different than the rest of us.

Yes, because kicking them out after 20 mins won’t be suspicious at all 😂

@Derbee read all my updates and stop making an idiot of yourself thanks ☺️

If these visits were important, they would be done everywhere rather than just random schools.

Teacher here. We would usually carry out home visits before the child starts. We allocate about 20 mins for each child and their family. The purpose is to ease any anxiety and begin to build relationships with patent/ child. It helps to see the child in their home environment because they are often much more relaxed. TA shares a bag of toys and teacher asks a few questions to get to know the child. Not compulsory but it does help hugely with settling in. We don't have time to nosey around because we literally have visits all day..and we always run behind!
As people have said it is usually very informal and a positive experience. It is for the benefit of your child during induction, so it may not have the same impact a few weeks in. It is your time with the teacher, and they are giving you and your child their time 1:1.

It is an odd time to carry them out, I wonder if they are having them as well as parents evening?

I don’t. I’d refuse it too, it’s a waste of time.

I also find it bizarre when people say they never have visitors! What never? That’s a very sad thing for your DC

@BHRK i find it bizarre that people don't understand that not all people routinely entertain visitors and if they do the visitors or their mum can make a decision as to the suitability of the environment without anyone else having to get involved. I'm not sad I just assume people can make that decision all by themselves as I do when I go round their house.

No, I do not.

Neither do 58% of "us"

@Derbee if the school or whoever have concerns for the welfare of OP's child it appears to be in hand

Is it a 'safeguarding' visit though?

If so, then it needs to be clear thats what it is. In any case, if they had concerns about the child's needs not being met, then they should be discussing that with her and suggesting an early years/early help/child in need referral, its not for schools to be doing a home visit to ascertain and assess home conditions and parenting capacity

If its not a 'safeguarding' visit then she is under no obligation whatsoever to engage.

You sound like you come from a perspective that all parents need to be considered as not coping until its assessed or proved that they are. A high need family where a child has special needs or a parent has some anxiety is not necessarily a marker that the child's needs are not being met, it may increase the risk of that but isnt necessarily a 'safeguarding' issue in the way you are making it out to seem

I don't know how teacher/TA would be able to find the time to visit - who would be teaching the class?

Op says it isn't the teacher/TA visiting, but a different member of the school staff. Simone who doesn't work directly with their child.

It's to be nosy and see the childs home life. Say no it is not compulsory.