Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse a school home visit?

625 replies

CoffeePlease93 · 16/10/2022 11:49

My son has just started school this year so I don’t know if this is the norm or not?

So apparently his school (not the teachers) does home visits with all the new parents to discuss any issues going on and for a chit chat (and probably just to be nosey around your home too!)

I have already had to reschedule once because we -all had COVID but I’ve got it coming up again now but it’s just such an inconvenience! I work from home, have a medical procedure coming up which I have several appointments beforehand and I also have a private issue going on (legal issues) which is requiring a lot of solicitor appointments and admin stuff at home at the moment too.

There has been no issues with my son at school whatsoever, he is doing amazingly well, glowing reports, I have brilliant communication with his actual teachers - I don’t need any extra support with anything and there is a parent’s evening coming up soon anyway.

I also have an extremely anxious dog who really stresses out if stranger’s come into the home (constantly barking, pacing up and down, sometimes wee’s - something we are working on but he came from a bad home previous to us).

WIBU to tell them I don’t need a home visit and this just isn’t going to work for me or will it be seen as bad and negative thing like I’m not co-operating or I’m being resistant etc?

And yes… I do tend to overthink everything which is why I’m asking!

OP posts:
Annoyingkidsmusic · 16/10/2022 15:46

CoffeePlease93 · 16/10/2022 14:24

@GonnaGonnaGoing my dog is a 5kg cavapoo… so yes a massive killer dog… feel like an idiot now? 😂

Why can’t the dog go upstairs, or in the garden? I’ve a massive dog, doesn’t cause issues with people having to visit.

Derbee · 16/10/2022 15:48

CoffeePlease93 · 16/10/2022 11:54

@Untitledsquatboulder draw their own conclusions about that meaning what exactly? Other schools that don’t do this don’t see inside a child’s home so what happens then?

I also myself suffer from anxiety and I don’t like stranger’s in my home myself as PP said, it’s quite intrusive!

Plus not all parents can spare the time for a chit chat especially when there is nothing to really talk about

They can make a mental note that you appear uncooperative and unwilling to engage completely, and keep an eye on your children based on that.

You’re within your rights to refuse, they’re within their rights to wonder why, and keep a closer eye on your child if they are concerned.

stickystick · 16/10/2022 15:49

I would just grit your teeth and do it. I wasn’t all that keen on having our home visit either as I had been burned by health visitors in the past. But it was fine, they were in and out in 15 minutes tops. I got the impression they mainly wanted to give me a chance to ask questions about school routine and expectations. But I am also 100% sure they also clock the home set up too. If a kid has no toys or books at home for example, it might explain some things about where they are at developmentally at school.

Pumperthepumper · 16/10/2022 15:50

Derbee · 16/10/2022 15:48

They can make a mental note that you appear uncooperative and unwilling to engage completely, and keep an eye on your children based on that.

You’re within your rights to refuse, they’re within their rights to wonder why, and keep a closer eye on your child if they are concerned.

Show quote history

Would they not be ‘keeping an eye’ on the OP’s kid anyway?

Abraxan · 16/10/2022 15:50

jamdonut · 16/10/2022 15:24

Home visits are the norm from our school and have been for a good few years now.

Several weeks AFTER the child has started at the school?

And by someone from a support team who most likely doesn't know your child, rather than by the teacher and/or TA?

Annoyingkidsmusic · 16/10/2022 15:51

CoffeePlease93 · 16/10/2022 12:04

@Oysterbabe yes we do have people in the home that we know, play dates we normally meet a group of parents outside somewhere as there is much more space and a fun day out.

Surely if it’s a support team then you would want to prioritise this visit? You’re only assuming that they are calling for a chit-chat.
It could be important.

bewarethetides · 16/10/2022 15:52

Home visits are normal, but it seems unusual to have them after the child has already started school. It’s done as an induction thing to let the family and teacher to get to know each other before starting school ime.

Yes, this. I would find it odd and intrusive for them now to be requesting home visits after the children have already started school. I would also find it unnecessary and decline. They could think what they like.

Abraxan · 16/10/2022 15:52

I've known it happen many times. Of all people, HTs understand the importance of a smooth transition to school.

This visit isn't to support transition to school.

It's taking place several weeks after the child has started and it's not taking place with the teacher or TA directly rescuing the child. No idea if the child is even going to be present or at school during the appointment.

supersonicginandtonic · 16/10/2022 15:54

@MalagaNights I don't think I do misunderstand safeguarding, I've worked in the field for 20+ years. It's everubodies business to be vigilant and nowhere did I say refusing a visit would mean a child is being abused, I said it could be a sign something else is going on. Nothing is definite.
Covid was a shit show but cases have happened prior to covid which have not been picked up due to lack of communication between authorities. Unfortunately if little things had been picked up sooner, these poor children may have lived.

Roselilly36 · 16/10/2022 15:58

I can remember this when my son started school. The teacher & assistant were very impressed with our home so it seemed and asked lots of questions about it! The same happened when the health visitor visited and announced I can see there are no problems here, why? because at the time we lived in a larger than average detached family home, very strange sometimes judgements people make. To be fair there weren’t any problems at home for us or our children.

MintJulia · 16/10/2022 16:03

When I did this, it was summer and I had put chairs inn the garden.

They came through the front gate, sat in the chairs, talked for 10 mins and then left. It wasn't difficult, and if they were hoping to be nosy (which I'm sure they weren't) it didn't work.

Blahdeebla · 16/10/2022 16:04

Weird that they do these after the children have started, but if camhs are involved maybe that's why they are still keen to come and meet you.

user1496146479 · 16/10/2022 16:12

This reply has been deleted

Not in the spirit

I've not heard of these visits.
But with all the time you have to post on here, maybe you could dedicate that to the visit?

User463763636363 · 16/10/2022 16:12

I have heard of teachers doing home visits to meet the children before they start, but not after they start. In fact, how would teachers fit in visiting homes? Surely it's quite time consuming? I wouldn't like it either, not that I have anything to hide, it just feels a bit awkward.

Pumperthepumper · 16/10/2022 16:14

user1496146479 · 16/10/2022 16:12

I've not heard of these visits.
But with all the time you have to post on here, maybe you could dedicate that to the visit?

Show quote history

On a Sunday?

hadtochangetothisone · 16/10/2022 16:14

Let's just assume there are children who live in abusive/insanitary/neglectful homes. I think we can all agree that this is a horrible reality.

So is it better that the school a child attends makes at least one attempt to get the measure of their home lives , inconveniencing the 99% for whom this does not apply for the 1% that it does.

My dc are all 20s now. We live rurally and before that in a nearby market town. Both the village school my youngest attended in 2006 did this.. and my older ones primary in town were doing it in late 90s..

I think it is an essential part of safeguarding children and would like to see it done more than once in a child's school life. It certainly does not need to be a teachers job to do it though.

A refusal should always be followed up. Anxiety about visitors in your house , dogs, hospital appointments should never trump safeguarding.

SleepingStandingUp · 16/10/2022 16:15

user1496146479 · 16/10/2022 16:12

I've not heard of these visits.
But with all the time you have to post on here, maybe you could dedicate that to the visit?

Show quote history

I don't think they do them on a Sunday

SleepingStandingUp · 16/10/2022 16:18

hadtochangetothisone · 16/10/2022 16:14

Let's just assume there are children who live in abusive/insanitary/neglectful homes. I think we can all agree that this is a horrible reality.

So is it better that the school a child attends makes at least one attempt to get the measure of their home lives , inconveniencing the 99% for whom this does not apply for the 1% that it does.

My dc are all 20s now. We live rurally and before that in a nearby market town. Both the village school my youngest attended in 2006 did this.. and my older ones primary in town were doing it in late 90s..

I think it is an essential part of safeguarding children and would like to see it done more than once in a child's school life. It certainly does not need to be a teachers job to do it though.

A refusal should always be followed up. Anxiety about visitors in your house , dogs, hospital appointments should never trump safeguarding.

So every school should employ staff to carry out home visits to children aged 2-16/18 on a rolling basis whereby there's at least, what twice yearly visits?

Solmum1964 · 16/10/2022 16:18

Sorry if this has already been suggested, but are you in an area with an oversubscribed school and they just want to check that you really do live in catchment?
People have been known to try all sorts of tactics to get their children in 'the best' school and I've heard of schools doing this sort of visit to check and then revoking the child's place if it's been obtained fraudulently.

Movingtomorrow · 16/10/2022 16:19

Abraxan · 16/10/2022 15:52

I've known it happen many times. Of all people, HTs understand the importance of a smooth transition to school.

This visit isn't to support transition to school.

It's taking place several weeks after the child has started and it's not taking place with the teacher or TA directly rescuing the child. No idea if the child is even going to be present or at school during the appointment.

No, I wasn't particularly talking about the OP's situation, which is quite weird. I've always done visits prior to a child starting school - I don't know how teacher/TA would be able to find the time to visit - who would be teaching the class?
I guess that I had considered the thread had moved on from the original post. Sorry.

BHRK · 16/10/2022 16:20

All very normal here. It is a bit intrusive but I try to see it as a good thing that they want to know a little bit about home life. It helps them keep an eye on those kids they need to. I also find it bizarre when people say they never have visitors! What never? That’s a very sad thing for your DC

GonnaGonnaGoing · 16/10/2022 16:20

hadtochangetothisone · 16/10/2022 16:14

Let's just assume there are children who live in abusive/insanitary/neglectful homes. I think we can all agree that this is a horrible reality.

So is it better that the school a child attends makes at least one attempt to get the measure of their home lives , inconveniencing the 99% for whom this does not apply for the 1% that it does.

My dc are all 20s now. We live rurally and before that in a nearby market town. Both the village school my youngest attended in 2006 did this.. and my older ones primary in town were doing it in late 90s..

I think it is an essential part of safeguarding children and would like to see it done more than once in a child's school life. It certainly does not need to be a teachers job to do it though.

A refusal should always be followed up. Anxiety about visitors in your house , dogs, hospital appointments should never trump safeguarding.

This👏

ZooTropia · 16/10/2022 16:23

megletthesecond · 16/10/2022 11:52

lil it's been common for well over a decade.

I remember this from when I was a child in the 70s, so no, not new and you would definitely raise a red flag. What have you got to hide??

Oblomov22 · 16/10/2022 16:25

OP is clearly struggling to cope. She starts off saying it's because the dog is nervous. Then she says she has anxiety, the ds has SN and has camhs involvement. She then says she can't fit it in because she has 101 other things going on, including Hospital appointments.

OP who is this coming from the school?is it the Senco? You said it's not the teacher. Are you sure they don't have safeguarding concerns?

user1496146479 · 16/10/2022 16:26

@SleepingStandingUp and @Pumperthepumper
Well not on a Sunday obviously, but OP could have been doing all the urgent things she has to do today to get ahead! It's called time management, rather than just throwing all her toys out of the pram!!

Like I said, I've not heard of these visits, but OP asked for opinions on what people thought and then has been hostile to anyone who dared disagree. No one including OP can control what the school will take from her refusal!
It is what it is!