Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse a school home visit?

625 replies

CoffeePlease93 · 16/10/2022 11:49

My son has just started school this year so I don’t know if this is the norm or not?

So apparently his school (not the teachers) does home visits with all the new parents to discuss any issues going on and for a chit chat (and probably just to be nosey around your home too!)

I have already had to reschedule once because we -all had COVID but I’ve got it coming up again now but it’s just such an inconvenience! I work from home, have a medical procedure coming up which I have several appointments beforehand and I also have a private issue going on (legal issues) which is requiring a lot of solicitor appointments and admin stuff at home at the moment too.

There has been no issues with my son at school whatsoever, he is doing amazingly well, glowing reports, I have brilliant communication with his actual teachers - I don’t need any extra support with anything and there is a parent’s evening coming up soon anyway.

I also have an extremely anxious dog who really stresses out if stranger’s come into the home (constantly barking, pacing up and down, sometimes wee’s - something we are working on but he came from a bad home previous to us).

WIBU to tell them I don’t need a home visit and this just isn’t going to work for me or will it be seen as bad and negative thing like I’m not co-operating or I’m being resistant etc?

And yes… I do tend to overthink everything which is why I’m asking!

OP posts:
adriftabroad · 16/10/2022 14:36

OP ignore the weirdo

Summerfun54321 · 16/10/2022 14:38

Totally normal request where we are. It’s not really for your benefit it’s for the children’s benefit, so the school can build a picture of their home environment and offer support accordingly. It’s so children’s needs don’t slip through the net and get missed. You might not feel it’s relevant to you but you risk looking like you have something to hide if you don’t facilitate it.

mouse70 · 16/10/2022 14:38

Is this in UK? Never heard of this. What is the point ,who exactly is it doing the visit what is the purpose. If it was suggested to me it would be a firm NO. So intrusive. I only ever have people in my home that I have invited.

RosesAndHellebores · 16/10/2022 14:39

When mine started school moons ago now, the school had an induction afternoon. The parents had tea and cake and were told about routines. The DC got to see their classroom and have a play.

I think all children would be better off if teachers stuck to teaching except when an intervention is necessary.

My HV came to my home once. Was late, unhelpful, unable to answer my questions and generally rather rude. In my opinion, based on the competencies I experienced it is hardly surprising so many children slip through the net.

Right on anything had no place as far as my dc were concerned.

Walkermiss · 16/10/2022 14:40

Forgot to say, we do not make home visits to "snoop". When you do 30 a year, you're really not interested in people's homes! If these visits are done at the correct time (just before child starts full time) then they are really helpful for the child (and their parents) and educators too. Home visits are really not a big deal.

Zwellers · 16/10/2022 14:42

RebeccaRose92 so your child's not going to be allowed friends/ to meet people. OK then.

Undertherainbow00 · 16/10/2022 14:43

For many schools these visits form part of safeguarding. It is rarely purely for a chit chat with a parent/carer - a judgement about a child’s home life is being made. Any concerns are registered on the schools Child Protection Management System (CPOMS) - a refused visit would be recorded.

PooHeads · 16/10/2022 14:45

Just the opposite actually, so nothing “obvious” or “lucky” about that.
I just really don’t get why something positive and supportive is being made into such a big deal.

twicebittenthriceshy · 16/10/2022 14:46

Johnnysgirl · 16/10/2022 12:25

Yes, London here. The posters saying, Nope, never heard of this can't have children currently in the school system?

I've never heard of it and have three children in the school system!

Cantstandbullshit · 16/10/2022 14:47

CoffeePlease93 · 16/10/2022 12:07

I think I need to make the point again because obviously some people aren’t getting it - it’s not the visit as such that is bothering me, what’s bothering me is that I’m so busy at the moment it’s going to be a real pain trying to fit it in - my child has no issues at school so right now appointments and work during the week prioritises a chit chat with a random person from his school

It’s 5 freaking minutes and you’re making a mountain out of a molehill. You’ve used your mental heath, your dogs anxiety, you’re daughter’s mental health, you’re busy with appointments etc as excuses.

you keep saying it’s chit chat with strangers but those strangers play a role in trying to keep children safe. Yes you know your child is fine at home but how do they know that? When the story comes out of a child abused and the home visit was skipped we’re the same people who will criticize the social workers for failing aren’t we?

7eleven · 16/10/2022 14:48

I expect you’ve spent more time on this thread than the visit would take.

Marigoldandivy · 16/10/2022 14:49

Why not suggest doing it on Zoom?

Cantstandbullshit · 16/10/2022 14:49

CoffeePlease93 · 16/10/2022 12:05

@PeekabooAtTheZoo that’s the thing though it’s not even the teacher’s doing it, it’s a support team for the school that have very little input or interaction with my child

The teacher is not a social worker and should not be doing the home visits, it should also be someone who can assess with an open imperial mind not someone who knows you or the child. Also the teacher is already busy, you want him or her to also be visiting each child’s home? That’s a social workers job not the teacher.

CocoPlum · 16/10/2022 14:53

VladmirsPoutine · 16/10/2022 11:59

I don't think yabu I don't like having people over at all but can I ask who does these visits? So the teachers are supposed to visit 30 ish homes sometime during the evenings? Confused I don't have kids but what do they say? Do they want to see the bedrooms and kitchens etc?

For ours it was new reception teacher and TA. It was done during school hours in the first week of term before school started. TA brought a puzzle to do with DS while teacher chatted to me about DS's preschool/nursery experience, asked about who he lived with, any concerns I might have. It was a nice way for us to chat through those things without other parents wanting her attention and for DS to meet them in his environment.

I'd actually rescheduled the visit with the school receptionist but this appeared to have not been passed on so instead of the house being immaculate and DS doing a wholesome activity, the place was messy and he was watching Peppa Pig. But they didn't care at all. It was a chat, not a home inspection.

Scrabble · 16/10/2022 14:54

Walkermiss · 16/10/2022 14:40

Forgot to say, we do not make home visits to "snoop". When you do 30 a year, you're really not interested in people's homes! If these visits are done at the correct time (just before child starts full time) then they are really helpful for the child (and their parents) and educators too. Home visits are really not a big deal.

I think that not allowing visitors into your home is strange and a real shame. Seems dysfunctional and not a good environment or example for the child (though sympathies to the OP who clearly has a lot going on).
However, I don't like the home visits as an induction thing. I remember having a "discussion" about this with our very "I am always right" headteacher. Parents are given a set date and time. This means that the parent (usually the mum) has to take a day off work and the child takes a day out of nursery (which is already paid for). This is during the school term, when the older child is at school. That day off work then can't be taken with both the family's children during the school holidays. Instead, both children have to be sent to an expensive holiday club for an extra day.
It was one of many examples of the school just refusing to take on board the fact that mothers do actually work, and that most working parents don't get 13 weeks' holiday either.
Having said that, they did drop the induction idea.
Plus driving to everyone's home, parking etc is a terrible waste of time and money for the teacher.

PooHeads · 16/10/2022 14:57

Cantstandbullshit · 16/10/2022 14:47

It’s 5 freaking minutes and you’re making a mountain out of a molehill. You’ve used your mental heath, your dogs anxiety, you’re daughter’s mental health, you’re busy with appointments etc as excuses.

you keep saying it’s chit chat with strangers but those strangers play a role in trying to keep children safe. Yes you know your child is fine at home but how do they know that? When the story comes out of a child abused and the home visit was skipped we’re the same people who will criticize the social workers for failing aren’t we?

Show quote history

Absolutely this, I think you’ve expressed it better than I did cantstandbullshit
Those people (bovrilly) jumping on me telling me I have no idea about anxiety 🙄 trust me I do. Threads like this just frustrate me as there’s such a lack of perspective.

SleepingStandingUp · 16/10/2022 14:58

Johnnysgirl · 16/10/2022 12:22

It's perfectly normal, everywhere!

Declining will instantly ring alarm bells, as there's literally no reason to do so.

It isn't normal everywhere, as this thread shows. DS is year 3, he's never had a home visit from a support team. Toddlers will need a home visit from nursery before they start. Certainly not once they're in.

AffronttoBS · 16/10/2022 14:58

Never had this, but then mine is now a teenager. When did it become a thing.

I would flatly refuse. It’s not for schools to nose into your private home.

AffronttoBS · 16/10/2022 15:00

The only home visits I’ve ever had relating to dd were health visitors, and the reverend at the local church for her baptism.

User0610134057 · 16/10/2022 15:00

I think just try and postpone and kick the can down the road, it’s normal here but before the child starts school; and I think then it’s good for the teacher to see them in their home environment and for the child to meet the teacher 1:1 before they start. But since your Dc has already started I don’t really see the point!

OperaStation · 16/10/2022 15:03

CoffeePlease93 · 16/10/2022 11:54

@Untitledsquatboulder draw their own conclusions about that meaning what exactly? Other schools that don’t do this don’t see inside a child’s home so what happens then?

I also myself suffer from anxiety and I don’t like stranger’s in my home myself as PP said, it’s quite intrusive!

Plus not all parents can spare the time for a chit chat especially when there is nothing to really talk about

You’re making a much bigger deal out of this than it needs to be. So many excuses! If you want to say no, just say no. But don’t pretend it’s because of ongoing legal issues, a nervous dog etc etc etc.

Personally I would jump at the chance. You get so little opportunity to speak to the school ordinarily. I would love to get half an hour with them to ask a load of questions.

MeowMeowPowerRangers · 16/10/2022 15:05

My son had a home visit planned I just told them "I'll come into the school for the meeting if you don't mind just makes it easier for everyone." They didn't mind at all. Just tell them the same.

SleepingStandingUp · 16/10/2022 15:06

you keep saying it’s chit chat with strangers but those strangers play a role in trying to keep children safe. Yes you know your child is fine at home but how do they know that? When the story comes out of a child abused and the home visit was skipped we’re the same people who will criticize the social workers for failing aren’t we?
So by that logic are you happy to have school knock unexpectedly at 6.30 in the morning or 8 pm at night because they're much more likely to see something catching you unawares.

AffronttoBS · 16/10/2022 15:09

Only other times I know of visits , is when parents take their child to the A&E too many times than is considered normal.

Movingtomorrow · 16/10/2022 15:15

I've done loads of home visits but always before the child started school. They were focussed on the child and helping them to settle in. I've had a long career working in EY and home visits definitely help the settling in process for most children and their carers. We used to do them at the beginning of the term when the child was usually part time. Me and my TA were very rarely refused entry and I cannot recal being refused entry for obviously suspicious reasons - but it would have been routinely noted.

Swipe left for the next trending thread