To not let my 8 year old son go to the bathroom alone?

[TiredTravelMug]

Hi all,

I'm a single mum to a darling 8 year old boy. It's just me and him and always has been. Lately though, whenever we go out shopping or to eat etc, if he needs the bathroom, I'll insist on taking him into the ladies. I've been told I worry too much (very true!) And I trust my boy not to misbehave or talk to strangers, but there's still that part of my brain that says "better safe than sorry".

The problem is, my boy is almost 9 and is getting really embarrassed about having to use the ladies in public. He asks everytime if he can use the mens room and as much as I want him to be independent and things like that, my need to protect him from any possible harm overwhelms me and I say no.

So, am I being unreasonable, or taking extra steps to keep him safe? He is still a very young child at the end of the day, and as much as I ask him to use the bathroom before we leave the house, sometimes nature calls!

Thank you!

OK. Are you happy for a grown adult male to come into the ladies then?

If not, then why do you think people should be happy sending their young children into a toilet with grown men?

Due to a health condition I’ve fallen down full stair cases numerous times. It’s not nice and quite scary, at the time, but I’ve always recovered from my injuries within a week or so.
I was sexually assaulted as a child and have NEVER recovered and I doubt I ever will. Therefore I am much more careful about my children being accessible to adults other than immediate family, than I am about them on the stairs, or even crossing roads etc.

I’ve already explained further up the thread that I don’t want to link to specific examples of these horrific examples. You’re welcome to Google if you’re so disbelieving that it happens. And what is reported in the media is only the cases that have resulted in a conviction. There will be more cases where the perpetrator was apprehended but wasn’t convicted, wasn’t found, or the poor child was too frightened/traumatised to even tell anyone that it happened.

I let my very tall 7 y.o use the men's toilets while I stood at the door so I could see slightly, the wee fart used the urinal.

I never thought of explaining he needed to use the cubicle.

Thankfully he was alone at the urinal, he thought he was the man.

I am so sorry that you went through that

Are you happy for a grown adult male to come into the ladies then?

No. They are male, in a female space.

why do you think people should be happy sending their young children into a toilet with grown men?

Because those young children are male, like her grown men are male. The only issue is that they are old enough to manage themselves in a bathroom. I've never once worried about them being assaulted.

I recognise that such possibilities are very rare; and if I was in some place that felt unsafe, I wouldn't have them use the toilets, just as I wouldn't myself.

I really can't believe people think like this.

And when my DS was younger I'd rather him not be alone in a vulnerable position with grown men around. I'm not bothered if a grown woman would "rather he wasn't there." His safety first over your feelings I'm afraid.

Thankfully he's 14 now so no longer an issue!

I wouldn’t care about him being in the ladies (in fact I’d prefer all toilets to be unisex) but if he wants to use mens then let him!

I’ve already explained further up the thread that I don’t want to link to specific examples of these horrific examples.

Oh don't be so silly.

You could quantify the 'loads' you refer to. Like how many? Over what period?

You also don't have to give any details at all by saying the location date etc.

You can't because you are just basing it on your perception and not fact.

I really can't believe people are that bothered about young boys in the toilets, but there you go.

Not tiny enough for me to want to take the risk. I guess that’s down to personal experience and the experience of people very close to me. We’re talking about a child’s life being ruined.

My son is now 10, but from age 6/7 he started using the men's toilets and I would wait outside.

You want all toilets to be unisex? Why would you?

Then why didn’t you just go into the mens with him?

I really can't believe people are that bothered about young boys in the toilets

It's not about being 'bothered'. We have single-sex spaces for a reason. There is appropriate privacy for each sex.

Once children reach a certain age, they should be using the space appropriate to their sex.

However, I can't remember ever seeing a boy that was old enough for it to be remarkable in a women's toilet, so this is a non-issue where I am (and where people do not tie themselves in knots over exaggerated fear)

guess that’s down to personal experience and the experience of people very close to me.

I saw your update and I'm very sorry this happened to you. I can see why it would cause you to think differently 💐

This, so bloody much this!

I’m not being silly to not want to spend my evening researching stats on the assault of small children to satisfy some snippy stranger on the internet. I’ve come across enough news articles over the years to know that it happens more than once in a blue moon. Someone further up the thread has already said that they’ve looked this up and found a number of cases in the last six months.

I recognise that such possibilities are very rare; and if I was in some place that felt unsafe, I wouldn't have them use the toilets, just as I wouldn't myself.

I don't think sexual public bathroom incidents are that rare certainly not unheard of.

I remember 3 from memory no Google in Dublin.

If I remember correctly one in a shopping centre, a mc Donald's both with DC.

The 3rd witnessed by an uncover gardai.
I'll have a Google now to double check my memory.

Also some photos taking from cubicles are not uncommon these days.

*I really can't believe people think like this.
I genuinely do.

Beeknees, your logic is very odd

I’m not being silly to not want to spend my evening researching stats on the assault of small children to satisfy some snippy stranger on the internet.

Not snippy. If you are going to make wild claims about 'loads' of sexual assaults on young boys in public toilets, then you should have some evidence instead of making it up.

Because I don't want to walk into a men's toilet and see a bloke at the urinal with his penis out.

I'm in Dublin too. Have never recalled any incidents.

As I said, if I was anywhere I deemed unsafe, no-one would be going to the toilet!

I guess I'm mostly in the same locations, and have no qualms about the toilets.

There is so much to worry about; to worry about the very very rare possibility of a sexual assault on a boy using a public bathroom on a regular basis does perplex me.

Jaysus there is more than I thought including incidents of hidden cameras.

You'd not see his penis though even if you tried. Men don't go around swinging their knobs about in the toilet.