To not let my 8 year old son go to the bathroom alone?

[TiredTravelMug]

Hi all,

I'm a single mum to a darling 8 year old boy. It's just me and him and always has been. Lately though, whenever we go out shopping or to eat etc, if he needs the bathroom, I'll insist on taking him into the ladies. I've been told I worry too much (very true!) And I trust my boy not to misbehave or talk to strangers, but there's still that part of my brain that says "better safe than sorry".

The problem is, my boy is almost 9 and is getting really embarrassed about having to use the ladies in public. He asks everytime if he can use the mens room and as much as I want him to be independent and things like that, my need to protect him from any possible harm overwhelms me and I say no.

So, am I being unreasonable, or taking extra steps to keep him safe? He is still a very young child at the end of the day, and as much as I ask him to use the bathroom before we leave the house, sometimes nature calls!

Thank you!

Do you have some source/authority for this rule you have stated?

My little 7 yo has been using the mens toilets for a while now. I usually give him the choice and occasionally he comes in the ladies with me. My main concern isn't weirdos and pedophiles but the lock sticking or a door being too heavy or a scorching hot tap.

Has there? Really?

I always figured because there are other men and boys using the loos, which should discourage a potential predator. Like walking along a main road rather than an unlit footpath at night. I was outside when DS was young so he couldn't have been taken away by anyone.

This.

Not read the full thread yet, but I get your pain op.
when I made the transition with my lad, it was an anxious five minutes…. Worse still if he took an inordinately long time… every male that exited the “mens” was a disappointment that it wasn’t my lad.
on at least one occasion, I asked if a male could yell out to him to ask if he was ok… goodness knows what was taking him so long.
thankfully, it always turned out fine.
but just to assure you that if you haven’t got a trusted male with you, it can be pretty nerve wracking.
I hope your lad relishes his new little piece of independence, but make sure he knows his barriers.

I've just caught up on the thread. General gist is: "i have a boy and I'll take him where the fuck i like and your daughters can suck it up"

"I'm a mum of girls and they don't want to see their classmates in the ladies" - "fuck them they should suck it up"

To paraphrase.

So that's lovely. As for those of you taking your 10 year old boy in and him using a cubicle - thanks for making the fucking queue fucking longer. (also last time a - looked like - 10 year old was in a public loo i was using, while his mum was still in her cubicle, for ages, he was climbing up the doors and peering over the top. I told him to get the fuck down and stand quietly out of the way, and got a mouthful from her. Fuck that shit)

What is the answer? I don't know, but it isn't using the accessible toilets and it shouldn't be taking up a cubicle that a woman or girl needs.

And pissing on the seat

What do you mean by know his barriers?

You criticised the poster who said if her ten year old son takes too long in the men's toilets, she calls in to check he's ok

You probably want to read that poster's post in full, and accordingly my response.

Tho, yes, I have never yet, with 3 DC had a need to call in to them while their in the toilets to see if they are ok.

Why on Earth not?

Of course life in general has risks, but do you really think there's much risk to a 9 yo going to a public toilet in a busy, widely used area?

Oh goody. Hating men has not gone far enough so you've extended it to little boys.

How many predators do you really think lurk in otherwise safe, busy, public toilets? Of course the there's a certain amount of risk everywhere; this one is tiny.

on a personal note.. I have NO issue with a young boy/child using ladies toilets until 10/11 they are most individual cubicles anyhow - wha exactly do people think he is going to see/do?

He is a child, and should be shielded from the absolute shite that goes on in men's toilets.

mum of both.

Does that go for women who need safe spaces? The chances of an 8 year old assaulting you in your "safe space" is vanishingly small so don't live your life in fear.

I did what a previous poster suggested it and googled it. Two searches, one for boys and one for girls. For boys in UK being assaulted within the last 6 months 4 cases came up on the first page of boys being assaulted by a man. For girls one came up, a teenage girl attacked by another teenage girl.

Fucking disgusting comment. I wouldn't let my son anywhere near someone like you.

Well, a lot of women here seem to think they're at huge risk in the toilets from primary school age boys.

😳

11!

8? Who says? There’s not a chance in hell I would send my DS into the mens alone aged 8, and any woman taking me to task over it in the ladies will get short bloody shrift.

Nah, consensus is just people caring more about their own children than someone else's children. Which is normal. When my DS was 8, he'd go in the ladies. I couldn't care less if a grown woman thought she was somehow at risk from an 8 year old, my concern was my young boy being alone with grown man in a vulnerable situation.

Really? Loads? Do provide examples (of loads ... as opposed to isolated examples).

If you're not comfortable with him going to mens, then I suggest you earmark a few places that have either individual cubicles or individual disabled loos that he can use

Please don't.

It's hard enough as a disabled person finding suitable toilets without children using them because their parents don't want to let them use the facilities provided for them.

As an aside, parents should be teaching their children to respect disabled spaces.

Well, a lot of women here seem to think they're at huge risk in the toilets from primary school age boys.

I didn't read anyone saying that.

Some posters have said they consider it inappropriate, which doesn't equal 'huge risk'

I actually cannot remember any time I've seen a boy of more than say 5 or 6 (at a push) in the female toilets. (In Ireland).

Beesknees, I think you've misunderstood, women (some) aren't afraid of boys, they'd just rather they weren't there