To not let my 8 year old son go to the bathroom alone?

[TiredTravelMug]

Hi all,

I'm a single mum to a darling 8 year old boy. It's just me and him and always has been. Lately though, whenever we go out shopping or to eat etc, if he needs the bathroom, I'll insist on taking him into the ladies. I've been told I worry too much (very true!) And I trust my boy not to misbehave or talk to strangers, but there's still that part of my brain that says "better safe than sorry".

The problem is, my boy is almost 9 and is getting really embarrassed about having to use the ladies in public. He asks everytime if he can use the mens room and as much as I want him to be independent and things like that, my need to protect him from any possible harm overwhelms me and I say no.

So, am I being unreasonable, or taking extra steps to keep him safe? He is still a very young child at the end of the day, and as much as I ask him to use the bathroom before we leave the house, sometimes nature calls!

Thank you!

I think boys over 8 should be using mens toilets with a parent waiting outside - my
nephew does - but ultimately I guess it’s the parents decision
i think any male that goes into a female environment though needs to be careful not to stare or ask questions in there
Foe anyone who is saying their son still goes in with them due to autism or similar, don’t forget you can buy an official radar key (to open all disabled toilets) for £5
ageuk or Blue badge sell them online

Yabu because he's indicated he's uncomfortable, but yanbu to worry about your child's safety.

I'm very keen on maintaining single-sex spaces, but I personally couldn't get worked up over a male child using the ladies. 8 is still very much a child.

Erm....Will do! 😂😂😂😂

YANBU. Better safe than sorry. I may be paranoid, but I live in absolute terror of the worst happening.

I’m a big supporter of women only facilities, but I have no problem with a 9 year old boy in the ladies loo - it’s sensible. If he was 16 it’d be different, but I don’t think you’re being over cautious.

No - and typically where they lurk is in your home or a relative’s home

Really surprised at the number of people referring to busy shopping centre toilets as being safe for their boys to go to the men’s loos on their own. There have sadly been loads of cases of boys being assaulted in shopping centre toilets.

Yeah, this is my main reason why I hate boys in ladies toilets and changing areas. I've had similar experiences, and it just makes you feel... icky.

It's not sexually motivated, but it does show a blatant disregard for your boundaries, and I think is the start of male self-entitlement.

For a boy of 8, I don't really expect to see them in my safe spaces unless they require extra support from their mum - and by which, I mean some kind of medical reason, not because the mum is a worrier.

Male entitlement to female spaces starts somewhere 🤷‍♀️

< it doesn’t magically materialise at 18 years old >

It depends on the shopping centre.

I've seen quite a few where although the shopping centre is rammed, there are multiple sets of public toilets, and some get much less footfall. You have to walk around a corner to get to your set of toilets, so there's privacy, but because the two sets are separated in that design rather than using doors, if your kid was in the other set of toilets and shouted for help, you'd be able to hear and go running in.

Yes, yes - thank you for expressing so well the icky-ness of it all that I couldn’t articulate.

I'm not sure I understand. You are at a store, the loos are men one side women other - you can't let him go alone? I would have aged six. Do you think there's nothing but paedophiles lurking? If the toilets were down a long corridor in a crowded place (like an airport), maybe, but I think you are being ridiculous.

Sunlight - really? Have there been loads of cases?

@Fastandlupine yes, sadly there have been numerous cases reported in the media.

This is absolutely vile to read.

I'd much rather go to the toilet with ONLY eight year old boys than someone who sees children as would be sex offenders.

🤮

FGS, it's not male entitlement. It's reducing risk of harm to a child irrespective of their sex.
Even my 12yo DD could see that when I posed the OP to her!

Well, you didn't read it correctly, for a start...

Name one case.

I've read this thread and the number of people with disgusting opinions about children is legion.

Absolutely twisted.

Please stay away from children, all of you.

You can Google LimpBiskit. I don’t want to link to specific cases on here; they are horrible, deeply upsetting cases. But a quick Google search will show that this has indeed happened and there have been prosecutions, hence it being reported in the media.

For a boy of 8, I don't really expect to see them in my safe spaces unless they require extra support from their mum - and by which, I mean some kind of medical reason, not because the mum is a worrier.

That you think a child of 8 is a threat to your 'safe space' is pathetic! Think of this, how would you feel about going into a toilet full of people that are a lot, lot bigger and stronger than you alone? As a woman, you know what it's like to be in vulnerable position. Now imagine you are 8 years old!!

For a boy of 8, I don't really expect to see them in my safe spaces

Oh purlease! Get a grip... seriously.

I literally would not bad an eyelid if an 8 year old boy was in the ladies. Anyone who thinks a boy of 8 is a predator or a threat to a grown woman needs to give their head a wobble.

So another check of statistics shows you are more likely to get injured falling down the stairs than sexually assaulted(both children and adults). Given that you now know that risk, do you already live in a bungalow or are you going to move to one? I'm all for keeping safe but it needs to be based on evidence and not irrational fears.

Just some figures but 30% is child sexual abuse is committed by strangers (but not necessarily in public.)

www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/crimeandjustice/articles/childsexualabuseinenglandandwales/yearendingmarch2019#circumstances-of-sexual-abuse-before-the-age-of-16-years