Aibu to have said no to them coming?

[Unknown455]

So we are a family of 4 and we have been struck down with this virus that's going round for over a week now ( it's not covid as we've all tested negative)
It's awful I've been in bed for the last 6 days, fever on and off, severe headaches, vomiting and nausea all 4 of us haven't eaten much let alone a proper meal in these last 6 days either . My husband and kids have been the same and we are on day 6 and it still doesn't seem to be getting any better.

So my husband just called me saying his sister called saying she wants to come to her house ( with her entire house hold and there is 6 of them in total, which if they came they would expect me to cook for them all and clean up after all of them too and they won't leave until about 11pm at night that's 10 people including all of us)
I got very upset and was crying bevause I already feel so bad and it doesn't help the kids are ill too and they are still young (7&5) and running after round my husband too. So I got upset and told him he needs to call her back and tell her she can't come 1) because we are all quite unwell and our kids have been awake half the night coughing and like radiators with fevers and 2) bevause I'm not 100% at all and I can't be running around cooking and cleaning up after 9 other people today as it's already alot looking after the 4 of us as it is.
My husband got angry withe me and already said I can't because I've told he'd we are fine, but I've told him she can't come today and he shouldn't have told his sister and the rest of the family they can come over.
He's been angry and shouting at me saying I'm disrespectful etc
Who is being unreasonable here?

It was very obvious from your OP that there was a cultural element to this. Him saying you were being disrespectful etc. does he always treat you like that?

Disrespectful? 😂😂😂😂😂😂
does the Twat imagine people would respect it?
OP don’t let your poor children grow up thinking this is what life is like. Get them away from the cowardly piece of shit. It’s the most important piece of decent parenting you could ever do.

Oh, and my close friend and sister in law is Pakistani. It’s not how it works at all, he would be seen as very very low class to behave like that, according to her.

To the person who said I was racist with what I said, I don't understand how anyone can think I am racist or ever would be,im a reverted Muslim and reverted before I even met my husband, I knew he was Pakistani before I married him obviously and wanted to marry him ( although he was a lot more helpful before marriage) and also given the fact I have had 2 children with my husband and my children are half Pakistani and I do respect my husband alot and we raise our children with both cultures, so I don't understand how anyone can think I am racist.
I am obviously not talking about all Pakistanis, I am talking about Pakistanis who are born in Pakistan which my husband was ( and I'm still sure there could be British born Pakistanis too who still have this type of thinking) my husband lived in Pakistan until he was 18 years old and came here and over there in there culture women do the house work and cooking and cleaning and men expect it. It's just a truth and there is nothing racist about it and I didnt feel I needed to explain myself but I am sorry if my comment upset anyone.
I just simply mentioned that because it's true, because of the cultural expectations of Pakistanis whenever my husband invites his sister and the family over its me who has to cook for them and clean up after them and there children too, which is why it was so easy for my husband to invite his sister round today because he knows he isn't well himself even but he wouldn't have to do any thing because it would be me who would be responsible for everyone.

Id be embaressed to welcome guests into my home and potentially pass on a bug, especially the one you're speaking about. We've had it too and it's really not pleasant. Surely that's more respectful than the control your husband seems to refer to as respect

Of all the comments to engage with, why did you pick the one person who responded negatively? As opposed to the MANY clearly stating that the situation and your husband’s behaviour are unacceptable.

Well, you don’t live in Pakistan now. How is it acceptable for you to have to cook and clean for everyone when you’re not well, and your husband is fine to have visitors even though he’s not well, because he expects you to do everything?
And yet you knew this was his culture and his expectation and you still married him.

Just because it makes me angry when everything to some people becomes racist automatically when it's not the case at all. I felt I needed to explain my self incase I said any thing wrong or that can offend any further people too. Anyway I have read everyone's comments and I'm greatful for everyone who has said something nice and who agrees with me, we are clearly on the same page.

Some people are idiots. Justifying yourself to them isn’t going to lessen their idiocy.

Are you going to address your husband’s behaviour with him?

Hope you feel better OP

Perhaps you making a stand will make him think more carefully next time?

I would personally deal with it by pretending that it is out of consideration for your SIL that you said no.

I'd text her something like I'm so sorry for DH wanting you to come over. Like you want to listen to me and kids vomiting every half hour! You'd probably catch it too. He just doesn't think sometimes. Can't wait to see you all when we're not all contagious!

Add lots of kisses and a smiley face or two and send. Job done.

Has your husband explained why on earth he told his sister you were all fine when he knew perfectly well that you aren't.

Girl, anyone with two braincells or even a little cultural exposure would know you're taking about the type of Pakistanis that have this sort of mentality [you husbands]. It's sad that you ended up with 'one of those' Pakistani men. He needs to change. You need to establish boundaries and authority. Otherwise you're settling for a life of compromise and all the self destruction that comes with it.

Why would this sister even want to even come to the house and potentially catch this virus. I would never come to anyone else house if Thet are unwell.

Tell your husband that if he wants his sister round then it’s fine. But you’re not well so you’re staying in bed so he better get cracking with buying and preparing food and making sure he cleans up after. Dick

OP wasn’t racist at all but YOU were because you generalised about a whole group of people and were righty deleted 3 times for it.

The only disrespect here is from your husband towards you.

This needs to be sorted out now. You're not in Pakistan and he is hugely disrespectful towards you.

OP was saying she’ll have to host her husband’s family and that’s how it works in his culture.
I’m know a lot of Pakistani men and women and that’s how it seems to work, from their own account.

By the time the OP made the comment on disrespect, I knew I’d it right.

Of course, there are exceptions to the rule but it helps no one to pretend it doesn’t happen.
His cultural background explains why he’s using words like “disrespectful” because his wife dares to ask her sil not to visit due to illness.

Both idiots — you DH and his sister.
Has she not realised this is how viruses spread???. They’ll all go down with it.
Stay in bed, keep your kids in bed. Drink lots and take paracetamol every 4 hours , that was the only way I could cope with it. It’s a nasty bug.

Bonkers suggestion

Nope. You reported me three times, because you lack attention to detail! I specifically said 'A TYPE' of Pakistani, clearly suggesting there are DIFFERENT TYPES of Pakistani. Not my fault you're basic.

It makes me so sad that women are still treated like this in this day and age and even worse, are still prepared to accept it and enable it.

I hope things are changing so that the sort of behaviour is societally unacceptable to all.

How would you feel if your dcs act or are treated like this when married op? They may live what they learned.