Aibu to have said no to them coming?

[Unknown455]

So we are a family of 4 and we have been struck down with this virus that's going round for over a week now ( it's not covid as we've all tested negative)
It's awful I've been in bed for the last 6 days, fever on and off, severe headaches, vomiting and nausea all 4 of us haven't eaten much let alone a proper meal in these last 6 days either . My husband and kids have been the same and we are on day 6 and it still doesn't seem to be getting any better.

So my husband just called me saying his sister called saying she wants to come to her house ( with her entire house hold and there is 6 of them in total, which if they came they would expect me to cook for them all and clean up after all of them too and they won't leave until about 11pm at night that's 10 people including all of us)
I got very upset and was crying bevause I already feel so bad and it doesn't help the kids are ill too and they are still young (7&5) and running after round my husband too. So I got upset and told him he needs to call her back and tell her she can't come 1) because we are all quite unwell and our kids have been awake half the night coughing and like radiators with fevers and 2) bevause I'm not 100% at all and I can't be running around cooking and cleaning up after 9 other people today as it's already alot looking after the 4 of us as it is.
My husband got angry withe me and already said I can't because I've told he'd we are fine, but I've told him she can't come today and he shouldn't have told his sister and the rest of the family they can come over.
He's been angry and shouting at me saying I'm disrespectful etc
Who is being unreasonable here?

Use orange or lemon juice to get a positive Covid test. Then stay in bed to avoid sharing it. Although you shouldn't have to do that, his being Pakistani is no excuse at all.

I wouldnt spend ten minutes with man who didn't respect me. You may want to rethink your boundaries OP.

It really shouldn’t work like that. My husband and I, and our families are British Pakistani and my husband would never behave this way. You have a big DH problem, OP.

I find the “disrespectful” accusation quite chilling. Mil accused us of that once when we called her out. That term gives me the creeps.

Well change it!

Why does it have to be what it always was.

Say no

It’s only how it works if you tolerate it. So, why are you tolerating it? You get that saying ‘no’ to a house visit doesn’t involve anger, bullying or crying in a healthy relationship?

Are you afraid of your husband?

Go back to bed citing illness and let him host since it's him that wants them to come so much.

When travelling with your family, it's crucial to ensure that you've taken all reasonable precautions to keep everyone safe.
These small actions can have a major impact on family road safety, from the inspections you can perform before you even leave home to the emergency supplies you can keep in your car to be ready for anything.

I missed this. I now understand why you can't stay in bed and expect him to host. It sucks, I'm sorry OP.

Completely unacceptable for him to agree for visitors when you’re sick. Plus his sister will come down with it

LTB… no just kidding but you do have a disrespectful, dickish ‘D’H. I’d say if he wants them round against your wishes I’d let him take the fall. Don’t do anything for them, if anything come downstairs when you want, take your food and anything you need upstairs to bed and stay there, I’d even tell your ‘D’H not to expect the kids to be entertaining them or even coming out their bedrooms if they don’t want to.

ignore mine and do this!

So they're Pakistani and you're not? Why does their culture trump yours in your own home?
For the future, his family, he hosts. He obviously thinks it's a doddle so he should find it easy.

Does she know your ill? Cough in her food if she does and still comes

You are married to an utter cunt.

Succinct and spot on.

What an inadequate little man.

There’s only one person being disrespectful OP and it’s not you.

Is your husband thick? Why would them coming over even be an option?

Because my husband and his family are Pakistani, it's just how it works unfortunately

Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't. I have know plenty of people with pakistani heritage who don't behave like it's the 1950s. I've had very 'traditional' 2nd gen pakistani men doing all the cleaning and tidying before now: most people understand different cultural expectations in different contexts.

Ultimately if you run around looking after people who don't lift a finger to help then that is your choice.

This. I feel sad for you OP. My H can be an irritating arse but he'd never do this.

I'm gonna be that a**hole who says what people don't like to hear!

You have an absolutely rotten husband!

You've OBVIOUSLY enabled this rot to three kids later [he was OBVIOUSLY your first child!], and are now stuck with an absolute excuse of a man!

I'm not gonna slander his sister. I've got two outta for rotten SILs and they tried their fair share of sh*t, BUT no skin off my nose, because my husband did what he was supposed to do - be a husband in his marriage!

When as a woman you settle for such a compromised life; you will be reduced to such little authority and respect in your own home. I can imagine you have many threads on here!

Get better and reconsider if the longevity of your marriage is worth it for you. Not your kids. But you! This whole... stuck because we got kids together; take it from someone who has worked in healthcare for over 15 years! STAYING is not a healthier option!

OP you have more control over this situation than you realise.
Your OH and his family can expect all they like- it is up to you whether you want to go along with that.
No one is forcing you to behave like a timid little housewife.

😂

PPs have it spot on about the type of man who uses the word 'disrespectful' as a descriptor of his wife. The minute they open their mouths and that word comes out, they are showing exactly who they are (raging sexists). Misogyny dressed up as 'culture' is still misogyny.