Aibu to have said no to them coming?

[Unknown455]

So we are a family of 4 and we have been struck down with this virus that's going round for over a week now ( it's not covid as we've all tested negative)
It's awful I've been in bed for the last 6 days, fever on and off, severe headaches, vomiting and nausea all 4 of us haven't eaten much let alone a proper meal in these last 6 days either . My husband and kids have been the same and we are on day 6 and it still doesn't seem to be getting any better.

So my husband just called me saying his sister called saying she wants to come to her house ( with her entire house hold and there is 6 of them in total, which if they came they would expect me to cook for them all and clean up after all of them too and they won't leave until about 11pm at night that's 10 people including all of us)
I got very upset and was crying bevause I already feel so bad and it doesn't help the kids are ill too and they are still young (7&5) and running after round my husband too. So I got upset and told him he needs to call her back and tell her she can't come 1) because we are all quite unwell and our kids have been awake half the night coughing and like radiators with fevers and 2) bevause I'm not 100% at all and I can't be running around cooking and cleaning up after 9 other people today as it's already alot looking after the 4 of us as it is.
My husband got angry withe me and already said I can't because I've told he'd we are fine, but I've told him she can't come today and he shouldn't have told his sister and the rest of the family they can come over.
He's been angry and shouting at me saying I'm disrespectful etc
Who is being unreasonable here?

Of course you are not being unreasonable op.

It's extremely worrying that you would wonder if you are or not.

You are married to a horrible man.

Do not get out of bed whatever you do. If it's noisy, and you can afford it, take yourself and your dcs if you want to a hotel.

Do not let people walk all over you. Bizarrely instead of them thinking you're nice, they trample more and more on you.

Do this.

Stay in bed!

OP, are you from a different culture, rather than white British?

Does your sister in law know that you’re all ill? I’d be surprised if she knew about this virus and still wanted to come round and expose herself and her family to it.

But YANBU, you’re ill, you should be resting and not trying to entertain visitors.

OP has said her ‘D’H has told his sister they’re all ok. I’m sure she wouldn’t come if she knew they were all ill. Just message her and let her know. It’s just boundaries OP.

Disrespectful? I'll give him disrespectful, the eejit. Obviously YANBU.

My DH did this once when I was ill and I called his bluff. I did absolutely fuck all cleaning, tidying up or cooking and he was absolutely mortified thst his sister saw our house like that (he is v houseproud but had been working 16 hour days that week, me being unwell meaning we hadn't been doing the daily tidy up).

It was embarrassing for me as well but totally worth it because he has never dared do anything like that again. Also as soon as my SIL saw how unwell I was looking she berated him for inviting them round when I was clearly unwell and needed rest.

YADNBU.
Why is it disrespectful? That's weird. If anything it's his family that are not respecting to you if they insist on visiting, especially when you're all ill.
But I suspect your DH thinks he'll lose face or get into a row with them if he retracts what he said and tells them they can't come.
His family sound very entitled -- does he have difficulty standing up to them?
There's plenty of sound advice above on what to do if they turn up. Hope you can follow it!

they would expect me to cook for them all and clean up after all of them too

I glazed over at that point.
Ill or not why doesn't your OH do the cooking and entertaining for his family.

When my OH has his family over for a meal I do only two things.

1. Drink gin
2. Smile.

Number 2 is easier to accomplish when number 1 has been done.

The key to stop people treating you like a doormat is not to treat yourself like one.

Are you frightened of him? Will he hurt you?

Message your SIL to say “We’ve all got the shits. Christ knows why DH said to all come over. If you do though, please can you bring some bread and ham. And some crisps. Some fizzy pop would help too. Thanks”

Go back to bed and leave him to it

For everyone asking, yes she knows we are all ill.
She text me just on Thursday when I was in bed all day asking if I needed anything and wanted her to bring any food for us, so I can't understand myself why she wants to come round with her family and risk getting ill, but that's what they seem to be like in their family, it's not the first time as they have come round to our house before when they've been ill and not cared and made us all ill so they seem to really like sharing germs.
If I knew someone was ill I'd be staying away and at the least wanting to keep my kids away from it.

After crying down the phone to my husband he has ( not happily) told her not come over and he isn't happy about it but I have told him it's his own fault as I'm his wife and he knows we are all ill and he should have atleast told his sister I will talk to my wife first and let you know not just say to her yeah it's fine like he doesn't care about me.

If I was his sister I wouldn't want to visit if you were I'll anyway, did he tell her you were Ill ??

but yes YANBU! Bugger that at the best of times, more so when you are all ill!

This one is so easy to solve. Tell him you will be having absolutely no involvement in the day other than an hour be polite and then you’re going to bed. There is nothing stopping him.

Why were you on the phone to him? Is he not even there?! But thought it was okay to have them all over?

I'm sorry to say that with your last message, you are probably right, he doesn't care about you.
If he did, he wouldn't have entertained this, wouldn't have expected you to host, wouldn't expect you to run around after him, and wouldn't have got angry.
It's hard, but if you can acknowledge that, you can decide what to do going forward.

You poor woman.

Only an abusive man would behave like this.

I suggest you ring Women's aid and have a chat about his treatment of you.

This is not normal behaviour.

That would be the end for me. Blatant disrespect and no compassion. Tell them all to fuck off. Sorry you're going through this Op

YABU for staying married to this absolute dildo.

This is very weird OP. It's really not normal to be shouted at for not wanting visitors when you're ill. He is an awful man.

Why are you married to this utter fuckwit?

Your husband and his sister sound very selfish and I'd be staying in bed all day and leave your "DH" to do it all.