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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Won’t let DH keep shoes on entry shoe rack

327 replies

Sundaya · 14/10/2022 19:18

Yes, there is a shoe rack in my house’s entryway, but I would prefer to only keep one pair of shoes per person there. I begrudgingly let DH keep two of his pairs there. He says it’s inefficient to not fill the rack completely and wants to keep more there. But the entryway is not a closet! AIBU?

OP posts:
Johnnysgirl · 15/10/2022 18:35

I allow 2 pairs of shoes per person
What happens to the miscreants who try to flout your rules by adding an extra pair?

Olsi109 · 15/10/2022 18:37

Sorcha38 · 15/10/2022 18:09

If you said that to me, I’d be deliberately leaving all my shoes over the hall and at the bottom of the stairs for you to trip over. Then I’d remove the laces from your shoes and bin tgem

And then I'd divorce you for A. Being childish and B. Because you'd deliberately be doing something to piss me off as by this point in our marriage you would know full well that neat and orderly is better for my mental health and you would therefore WANT to respect it, like I would respect things as a spouse that affected your mental health or mattered to you (don't say leaving your shoes all over the entry way is better for your mental health to be an even pettier moron)...... pretty sure most people would divorce you in this instance unless they're a wet wipe

Johnnysgirl · 15/10/2022 18:41

You sound very difficult to live with, @Olsi109

Parentsofaprincess · 15/10/2022 18:44

You have a serious problem OP. Control is not the word...

Georgyporky · 15/10/2022 18:53

You make guests remove their shoes ???

Totally unreasonable - unless you provide clean slippers .

Sorcha38 · 15/10/2022 18:55

My reply to you, as you know, was tongue in cheek. Name calling wasn’t really called for. Neat and orderly may well be better for you. That’s fine and I am sure you have sought help for any obsessive tendencies you are struggling with. However, marriage, or indeed any long term relationship where you live in close proximity to others, no matter how long it’s duration, requires communication, honesty and compromise. If you have a problem with more than one pair of shoes in your shoe rack, talk to him, explain it to him and the effect it has on your health without making demands… it is after all his house too and then come to a compromise that you can both manage. Or buy him his own shoe rack.🤷🏼‍♀️

Olsi109 · 15/10/2022 19:07

Johnnysgirl · 15/10/2022 18:41

You sound very difficult to live with, @Olsi109

Not at all - I think someone that's difficult to live with would be someone who purposely did things they know would annoy/upset you to be childish. Just because I wouldn't tolerate that, doesn't mean I'm difficult to live with 😊

Rororowan · 15/10/2022 19:16

Is there any good reason for him not to keep 2 pairs of shoes there? If it's a shoe rack, it is there for storing shoes, surely? I can see an argument for wanting to leave a certain amount of space for guests shoes, but that would be the only reason not to keep ALL your shoes there. And if the shoe rack can accommodate a few guest shoes and 2 pairs of husband shoes, then no big deal

LimpBiskit · 15/10/2022 19:16

Johnnysgirl · 15/10/2022 18:41

You sound very difficult to live with, @Olsi109

Totally agree but there are clearly doormats out there who put up with this kind of shite.

saraclara · 15/10/2022 19:38

In the last few weeks I've gone out of the front door wearing each of these at various points:
Ankle boots
Sandals
Flip flops
Wellies.

So yes, all four (and more) are on my shoe rack. Though the sandals and flip flops will be put in the wardrobe soon, and my longer boots and a pair of normal shoes will be brought out.

Having only one type of footwear in the porch makes no sense. Which one are we supposed to choose?

Toomuchtrouble4me · 15/10/2022 19:56

ME! ME! I AGREE!
Op I have exactly the same discussion. Our shoe rack is on the porch and is mainly for slippers to be put on as we enter and muddy shoes or boots to be left there. As soon as they are dried/cleaned I’ll put some away. The kids school shoes are always there but as DH and I change our shoes daily they get put away upstairs - by me. Otherwise he would have the whole porch filled with his shoes. I still often hear him stomping up the stairs muttering about where his ‘bloody shoes are’ even though we’ve has this conversation so many times and he knows where I’ve put them - I don’t want 3 pairs of size 10 boats on my porch!
I totally agree op.

KelvingrovesBest · 15/10/2022 20:08

Just don’t get folk who insist on removing shoes at door.
I know some are fanatical about having a no shoes indoors. Not in our home. It’s a home with as few restrictions as possible.

Diva66 · 15/10/2022 20:11

Personally I would buy 2 pairs of expensive designer shoes to place on the shoe rack, these would never be worn obvs, and no other shoes would be placed on the shoe rack.

BadNomad · 15/10/2022 20:12

People have shoe racks? Here's me just kicking mine off under the kitchen table as soon as I get in. It's a pain in the arse to have to crawl under to get them out again, but no one dies.

AnnieSnap · 15/10/2022 20:12

I tell (ask) my husband not to leave his shoes wherever they land and to put them away. I still trip over them in the lounge! Why do you feel you have the last word on things like this? 🤷‍♀️

MrsPetty · 15/10/2022 20:13

This! I don’t think I could love it more. The large un-shoe one is for school bags and books but apparently it can hold a wine rack instead 🤣

Won’t let DH keep shoes on entry shoe rack
Johnnysgirl · 15/10/2022 20:18

I don’t want 3 pairs of size 10 boats on my porch!
It's this my porch, my shoes, my rules thing that mystifies me. Do your partners meekly submit to every house rule imposed on them? I couldn't respect someone like that, but clearly it works for some 🤷🏻‍♀️

Gemcat1 · 15/10/2022 20:19

Do you have a lot of visitors so that space is needed for their shoes? If so, then I understand it although the way that you put it has amused a lot of people. I have a shoe rack and it got filled up really quickly so visitors have to leave their shoes by the door.

Johnnysgirl · 15/10/2022 20:20

MrsPetty · 15/10/2022 20:13

This! I don’t think I could love it more. The large un-shoe one is for school bags and books but apparently it can hold a wine rack instead 🤣

Love that 😍
Do you have a list of rules as to what can go in it? 😁

MrsPetty · 15/10/2022 20:23

@Johnnysgirl No 😂 no rules really. The only one is if they get filled up it’s time to get rid of some shoes/boots/trainers/flip flops

oosha · 15/10/2022 20:40

I don’t ‘let’ my husband do anything, he does as he pleases as he is my equal and he has equal say in what we do with our home. You are being totally unreasonable and a control freak.

LimpBiskit · 15/10/2022 20:47

You'd love my hall. A double shoe rack full with mine 2xds and dd shoes AND ds mountain bike. Plus double height coat rack with at least two coats each on it(think I'm winning with 4 at the moment) Exactly the same set-up at the back door but with boots/wellies and hardcore coats.

lljkk · 15/10/2022 20:49

Five pairs of shoes in the basket is unreasonable!

What if there are 5 adult size people in the household?

Johnnysgirl · 15/10/2022 20:57

LimpBiskit · 15/10/2022 20:47

You'd love my hall. A double shoe rack full with mine 2xds and dd shoes AND ds mountain bike. Plus double height coat rack with at least two coats each on it(think I'm winning with 4 at the moment) Exactly the same set-up at the back door but with boots/wellies and hardcore coats.

It makes perfect sense (to most normal people) to have shoe storage that reflects the number of shoes to store 🤦‍♀️
Imagine getting all aeriated at FIVE PAIRS of shoes in the shoe basket!

So unhealthy to be wound so tight that this is even a thing.

Poppingmad123 · 15/10/2022 21:05

Hmm I understand you op. I think you just need to buy another shoe rack & put it by the back door which DH can fill up to his hearts content. You will have to instruct him to use only the back door though.