to prefer a man to pay on the first date?

[partie]

I am a woman. I barely go in first dates. When I do I always offer to split and my offer is genuine, and I become prepared to split but I always prefer they pay for the first date and then I grab the second.

The main reasons for this is that is shows they are not stingy, have a genuine interest in me, and in the future if we became a couple it would signal that they would be willing to help me out should I ever become jobless instead of seeing finances as completely separate. This is security I need from a relationship and it would work both ways.

Do you prefer a man to pay on the first date? I am not asking if men should or are obligated, only what your preference is.

YABU- I prefer to split/ I pay
YANBU - I would prefer the man pays

@GloriousGlory You can give them whatever name you want. We wouldn’t share the same values if he didn’t expect to pay on the first date.

There's a word for that.

Maybe by paying their way, it'll help towards equality?

The pub card machine was broken. While we were still sipping our first drink (which yes he got) he pulls out his phone to locate the nearest cash point for me (as I’d mentioned I would need to get cash out) then says “I’ll watch the drinks so you can get the money for the next round”. Instant turn off.

Someone who turned up for a date with no cash or means to pay for anything would be a turn off for me. It's a whole bunting-load of red flags. It's 'oops I forgot my wallet'. Good for him not falling for it. He bought the first round. Not getting the second would have been so rude.

Maybe by paying their way, it'll help towards equality?

I pay my way but also disagree with the above. Women working FT didn't sort out childcare or housework. Women taking responsibility for contraception didn't sort out sexual double standards or reproductive rights. Us paying would sort out the gender pay gap.

Well you're incredibly entitled. Why are you sor entitled for a free meal and a date night?

He might earn more than you, but he also might have a lot more outgoings than you. High Salaries mean nothing if you're up to your neck in a huge mortgage amongst other big bills.

I'd be surprised if you'd even reach an 'entirety of a relationship' with that attitude.
Do you ever go for lunch with friends? If they have a higher wage, do you expect them to pay, for the entirety of the friendship too?

I don't get why because a woman probably has to pay for her own childcare, some people think that means the man should pay for the date?

Her childcare is not his problem!

Which is embarrassing for women striving for equality.

No. I always insist on splitting the bill.

Bloody hell, have we gone back in time. I was paying my way in my twenties and that was forty years ago!

For no other reason, than that it gives a green light to abusive men that wish to control you.

shows they are not stingy, have a genuine interest in me, and in the future if we became a couple it would signal that they would be willing to help me out should I ever become jobless instead of seeing finances as completely separate. This is security I need from a relationship

I am gobsmacked at your longterm expectations based on ONE DATE.

You sound incredibly needy and entitled.

First date for me would always be cheap -
coffee or a drink depending on time of day
I would offer to pay or split if they refuse and insist on paying its fine
if it’s going well I’ll get the second coffee or drink
second date usually a meal or activity - happy to split
after that we normally take it in turns
in the past if it becomes obvious after a few dates that there is a huge disparity financially then we discuss it like most adults

Yes, I would expect a man to pay on the first date. It's not about his money, couldn't care less about that. It's because I prefer men who are gentleman in that way and who would want to pay. Mind you, the last first date I went in was in the late 90s, so god only knows what goes on now.

Why is it unfair for you to pay?

It's unfair on him that because he earns more you don't feel you should pay!!!

I've been with DP for years, but we split everything fairly. Not as in going through the bill and dividing it in half, but doing rounds, it maybe one night he'd buy drinks/takeaway, then next night I would, and so on.
I think anyone, of any gender, expecting to be paid for is ridiculous and would put me off for being so entitled.

Someone who turned up for a date with no cash or means to pay for anything would be a turn off for me

I had means to pay. I had my bank card. Not my fault the pub machine was broken. As I said, I was quite happy to go to the cash machine and get cash. I did object to being "ordered" to and to leave my unattended drink with a man I barely knew.

It's funny how the tightest of men often have the highest of expectations. A particularly tight date I met in the past told me how much he wanted "wild" sex but his suggestion for a second date was wetherspoons! The second date didn't happen.

Women have no idea how much they've been conned. They have to pay their way, but also be an amazing wife and mother, usually doing 90% of the grunt work and it's not lie back and think of England, its ass in the air and think of England! Yeah equality has come so far.

I would hate to go on a date with anyone who expected me to pay. I would think they were grabby and not interested in me, just someone to take them out and pay for things. It would really put me off them and definitely wouldn’t ask them on a second date!!

I prefer him to pay for the entirety of the relationship. The guy I’m seeng now earns about £140k. I earn about 30k. So it’s ludicrous and unfair to expect me to pay.

I've dated very rich men while I very much wasn't. They took me to fancy places. I took then to less fancy. But we both treated. Because that's nice.

I want a date and perhaps a little cuddle (depending), definitely not a free meal ticket.

Fgs why is your clothes and your babysitter his problem?? Shows where your mind is at.

The usual tropes being dragged out.

It's "gentlemanly". We spend more money on hair and nails.

Fuck sake.

Stop sitting on your hands like a fucking dummy and pay your way like a grown adult.

In my culture, it would be offensive for a man not to pay.

It depends, if I’m looking for a second date I’ll let him pay. If I’m not interested in a second. I’ll insist on paying my way.