to prefer a man to pay on the first date?

[partie]

I am a woman. I barely go in first dates. When I do I always offer to split and my offer is genuine, and I become prepared to split but I always prefer they pay for the first date and then I grab the second.

The main reasons for this is that is shows they are not stingy, have a genuine interest in me, and in the future if we became a couple it would signal that they would be willing to help me out should I ever become jobless instead of seeing finances as completely separate. This is security I need from a relationship and it would work both ways.

Do you prefer a man to pay on the first date? I am not asking if men should or are obligated, only what your preference is.

YABU- I prefer to split/ I pay
YANBU - I would prefer the man pays

YANBU. Subsequent dates go halves or take turns to pay but if a man didn't pay or suggested going halves on a first date there wouldn't be a second. I know it's old fashioned, I don't care.

If it’s a friend we split the bill, if it’s a relationship he pays, I value my companionship, if he also values it that should not be a problem. I’ve always been independent, but it doesn’t extend to dates, or indeed holidays, we’re not married so I have to make sure my finances are good because you never know the future.

So what happens if it's his preference that you split on the first date and he pays on date 2 or if he wants you to pay date one and him date 2. Do you always have a fixed plan?

With my DP he paid for the main course and I went up and paid for pudding!
Neither of us really gave it much thought to be honest- we were too busy enjoying ourselves. To this day we just pay equally and take it in turns to treat each other. It's not a big deal 🤔

I prefer that they pay, and then I get the second date, I will offer to split, but quite frankly if they take me up on it then there’s rarely a second date.
We’re all adults and it evens out eventually.

@pocketvenuss I always offer to split so we would end up splitting both

I'm an independent woman who is capable of paying her own way.

I always go 50/50 on a first date, otherwise I'll either feel guilty about not going on a second date, or I'll feel obligated to go on a second date. After that we take turns.

I suspect a man who doesn't secure a second date with a woman who sacks him off because he accepted the woman's offer of spitting the bill has had a lucky escape.

I only ever offer to pay half if I know there won’t be a second date.

My now husband paid for the first date and I paid for our second

I'm old-fashioned so YANBU - but as long as you'd say yes to a second date.

In fact its far MORE likely that a woman would expect the man to be the sole breadwinner while she lives a life of leisure

This is such a load of shite. Being a SAHM isn't 'leisure'. And women are MUCH more likely to be the main provider in single parent families while the men genuinely do fuck off to a life of leisure.

The provider thing is just bollocks nowadays.

No I don’t expect a man to pay, because I’m a grown up and an equal partner. And buying me dinner on a first date doesn’t indicate someone isn’t stingy long term or is interested in you past sex, nor does it indicate they’d support you if you were unemployed. What a daft daft thought.

just own it. You want paying for as your tight , grabby of whatever, but pretending paying for you on a first date give you all those indications is the silliest thing I’ve read in a long time.😂

I say split it even on the first date

Freeloader comes to mind.

What if there isn't a 2nd date ?

In the relms of dating a man or women could be going on 2+ dates a week, why should a man stump up for all his first dates?

I often dated men who wanted to pay for our first meal. I found it more telling how they handled.being told that I would be paying half.

I much prefer to split the bill on first dates. I've been on a few dates which have turned nasty after he paid because he then felt entitled to intimacy or a second date. I can still appreciate when a guy says no and insists he pays to be gentlemanly and polite and I wouldn't start an argument over it but I prefer to pay my own way so we're starting out on an equal footing especially if we earn around the same amount. Then I'm happy for him to pay for second date and I'll pay for third or he might pay for x part of date and I'll pay for y so things are fair.

Tbh I’m not interested in “auditioning” for any man so if he has lots of other dates going on, why is he meeting me? But then I am older and not into multi dating. Therefore he should be able to afford our date.

I met a guy for a drink once. The pub card machine was broken. While we were still sipping our first drink (which yes he got) he pulls out his phone to locate the nearest cash point for me (as I’d mentioned I would need to get cash out) then says “I’ll watch the drinks so you can get the money for the next round”. Instant turn off. Aside from the fact I wouldn’t leave my drink unattended with a man I barely know! I would have quite happily done that myself, but it was the pointed way he said it, as if I was somehow out to rip him off. Sadly I find a lot of men are like that now. Always going on about “gold diggers” and how they need to protect themselves.

I’m happy to split costs, take turns etc. But yes I agree that it’s nice if the man pays for the first date. I am traditional in some ways and really why should I be apologetic about that? If other people want everything 50/50 fine. But you don’t need to impose that on others. People are allowed their own dating “rules”.

The OP (and some others) are like the restaurant equivalent of cock lodgers.

Vagina diners? 😁

Yabu, you don't nnow each other at this stage, bill should be split. I do not want to be funded by a man.

Tbh I’m not interested in “auditioning” for any man so if he has lots of other dates going on, why is he meeting me? But then I am older and not into multi dating. Therefore he should be able to afford our date

as should you.

I used to prefer a man to pay on the first date but now I go Dutch. Most men offer to pay anyway for the whole date on the first one.

I had similar on a first date. Was in a fairly upmarket cafe having coffees and the man I was on a date with definitely wanted and expected and made a point of me buying a coffee for him and me and then him buying for me and him. I didn't mind but it was a bit rude. On subsequent dates I either did Groupon deals and just paid for him to save him the bother but then he did pay a bit. He was tight though, he sort of agreed that. Barely lasted 6 months!

Exactly. And why shouldn't either men or women have multiple dates in a week when no commitment has been made?

I think you mean old fashioned, not traditional!