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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to forgive MIL for this?

161 replies

forgiveormakehimpay · 13/10/2022 21:27

It was her birthday Sunday.

All 3 of her DC and their wives came to her house for a 'get together'

She was reminiscing about family and old times. Her dad came up in conversation

She said 'Ahh, I love the name Andrew. I so wish one of my grandchild got to have that name'

It was a bit of an awkward silence and then she looked at me and said 'Sorry but it's true :) I know that might be hard to hear' and she came over and patted me on the hand, before walking into the kitchen to ask if anyone wanted a top up

My son was called Andrew. He was born early and passed away shortly afterwards. Nobody has ever mentioned him since, and refuse to. But mention my SIL's stillborn daughter.

AIBU to never forgive her? Split with my H a few weeks ago because he wasn't helping with DS1. I came to her birthday because I thought I'd be wanted there

OP posts:
DizzyR · 13/10/2022 21:49

What the actual? What a selfish stupid pathetic excuse for a human being. Your ex-H should have told his mum to stfu. This is completely unforgivable.

I’m sorry for your loss OP 💐

BrutusMcDogface · 13/10/2022 21:50

What an absolutely terrible woman. Stay away from her. I’m so sorry 💐

user568720164728553401928574738 · 13/10/2022 21:52

She sounds like a cunt op.

Horrible thing to say.

OriginalUsername3 · 13/10/2022 21:54

She sounds vile! What a horrible thing to say. I'm so sorry you lost your little boy and that nobody talks about him.

Original poster
forgiveormakehimpay · 13/10/2022 21:55

OriginalUsername3 · 13/10/2022 21:54

She sounds vile! What a horrible thing to say. I'm so sorry you lost your little boy and that nobody talks about him.

Thank you :)

My family mention him all the time (my side)

OP posts:
EasterIssland · 13/10/2022 21:58

Sorry for her behaviour she sounds vile
as others have said not your responsibility to let her she’s the kids. Only your ex. Keep far from this family

Rose789 · 13/10/2022 22:08

I am so sorry for the loss of Andrew 💙
And no I couldn’t forgive her for this. Oh

CanofCant · 13/10/2022 22:13

That's fucking horrible. YANBU. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Protect yourself. I agree with PP, she can see her GC on your exes time.

Ugh, what a bloody awful bunch, I'm sorry none of them stuck up for you or Andrew either. Bunch of shits.

IReallyLikeCrows · 13/10/2022 22:14

I'm so sorry that Andrew died so soon, I can't even imagine the heartbreak of that. As for your MIL, fuck her. Absolutely and utterly fuck her. She's a vile excuse for a human being. What she said was deliberate, it was beyond nasty and I hope she rots in her own bum sewage. Don't see her again. Ever.

TolkiensFallow · 13/10/2022 22:15

I actually think you should call her out on this. She knew it would upset you.

Peashoots · 13/10/2022 22:16

She’s disposable.
I’d have looked her straight in the eye and said “MIL, what the fuck is actually wrong with you?” And walked out. I’d honestly never speak to her again.
I’m so sorry for the loss of your precious Andrew 💙

Peashoots · 13/10/2022 22:16

Despicable* not disposable (although I suppose she is that too 😁).

Floweryflora · 13/10/2022 22:17

Oh for goodness sake you’ve split with her son, you’ve split with her, yes she said something unforgivable but accept you’re not part of the family and move on.

Ludo19 · 13/10/2022 22:20

Nasty and vindictive. You don't need nor want to seek approval from this awful specimen. Stay strong and go NC. Fuck her.....she's a downright bitch.

Original poster
forgiveormakehimpay · 13/10/2022 22:20

Floweryflora · 13/10/2022 22:17

Oh for goodness sake you’ve split with her son, you’ve split with her, yes she said something unforgivable but accept you’re not part of the family and move on.

But she wanted me there?

OP posts:
blubberyboo · 13/10/2022 22:24

I think you now have permission to distance yourself and not attend anymore of her get togethers

TheRubyRedshoes · 13/10/2022 22:26

"I don't want to miss out on DG because you aren't around anymore, show your face"

What part of that says" I'm so fond of you and value you even though you're separated from my son. We are still family and share dear DG. I would love to see you there???"

Fuck her op.

She's even been blatent about why she wants you there.

Istolethecookies · 13/10/2022 22:29

Sorry OP, that's such a hurtful thing to say. I think you should call her up on it, say how insensitive and shitty the comment was and if she does want to still see her DGS, she better start showing some respect, the balls in your court.

OnTheBoardwalk · 13/10/2022 22:35

Nasty thing for her to say, sorry for your loss

as other people say distance yourself completely, don’t expose yourself to her nastiness , all her contact now through her son

TabithaTittlemouse · 13/10/2022 22:41

Did you say anything? Did no one react?

She’s a total bitch. What kind of grandmother completely denies the existence of her Grandson whether he is deceased or not.

I’m so sorry for your loss.

Justworkplease · 13/10/2022 22:42

Your MIL is a horror.

I’m so sorry for the loss of your son @forgiveormakehimpay. And I’m sorry that he isn’t as acknowledged as he should be. Andrew is just as much family as any other GC ❤️

EmmiJay · 13/10/2022 22:51

Sounds like you're well rid of that family. Fuck her and her son (I'm guessing he didn't pull her up on what said so yep eff him too).

So sorry for your loss 💐

StClare101 · 13/10/2022 22:56

She can see her grandkids in her son’s time. I’d cut ties with the lot of them.

Your son Andrew matters. Spend your time with people who honour his memory.

Blueeyedgirl21 · 13/10/2022 22:56

Fucking disgusting thing to say
I’d never speak to her again and I’d never take my son round there off my own back. She wants to see him, her own son (your ex) sorts it

maddy68 · 13/10/2022 22:58

I think it was a thoughtless comment. Horrible but thoughtless and I assume unintentional.

You dint have to send lots of time with them. Don't stress about it