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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel terrible I did this?

155 replies

Harlowwolrah · 13/10/2022 19:54

Today a car hit me as they went through a red light and I went through on green.

It was a genuine accident and the wife of the man who hit me was very upset and they were both concerned if I was hurt - I wasn’t. They didn’t speak great English and said they’d only been in the UK a short time.

Their friends showed up and this friend actually tried to say it was both our fault. They later rang me and asked to pay me and avoid insurance. I said no and that I had to go through insurance as who knows what the damage could cost and I wouldn’t have a courtesy car etc

I just feel terrible. They seemed like a nice couple and now I feel I’ve made life hard for them when they’ve just moved countries because their insurance will go up etc

Am I stupid to feel this way?

OP posts:

DailyMailHater · 13/10/2022 19:56

You are doing the right thing.

BeetyAxe · 13/10/2022 19:56

I don’t know how to answer if you’re unreasonable or not but you have to
go through your insurance, it’s stupid to do
it any other way. So YANBU for that, but YABU to feel bad about it.

Wibbly1008 · 13/10/2022 19:57

Insurance is always best. You don’t know what damage could have been caused that you can’t physically see unless you are a mechanic.

DragonMovie · 13/10/2022 19:57

is there a way you can get a mechanic to look at it and then decide how you want to proceed?

Stopthebusplease · 13/10/2022 19:58

Yes! They caused the accident, they should pay, and offering cash instead of going through insurance very often results in you not getting a penny. How do I know? It happened to me, a very pleasant young man forced his way through a bridge which wasn't really wide enough and took my wing mirror off. "Oh please can I pay you cash otherwise I'll lose my job, blah, blah, blah, feeling sorry for him I agreed. We exchanged details, and yes, you've guessed it, the name, address and phone number were all lies! This was of course in the day's before mobile phones, but never the less, he played me. So don't be soft, they may have done this numerous times before. Just go though your insurance as you've already stated you are going to do.

Original poster

Harlowwolrah · 13/10/2022 19:59

Thank you. I just hate the thought that because they offered me money that means going through insurance will make then struggle.

I’ve made the claim now and it’s even going to cost me £600 - cheers Direct Line.

OP posts:

ThanksAntsThants · 13/10/2022 20:00

You’re not unreasonable for feeling crap about it, but you’re also not unreasonable for going through your insurance, it is a legal requirement after all.

Original poster

Harlowwolrah · 13/10/2022 20:00

DragonMovie · 13/10/2022 19:57

is there a way you can get a mechanic to look at it and then decide how you want to proceed?

I did think that but then I thought it would look dodgy to the insurance if I didn’t report it on the day. Plus the insurance choose the garage.

OP posts:

Mangogogogo · 13/10/2022 20:01

I was just going to say with excesses and your premium rising next year I’d take the cash. I’ve done it twice and all was fine. Got a quote myself and sent it to the people.

yeah they can give you a fake address but if you took their number plate then that’s fine, easily found!

buckeejit · 13/10/2022 20:01

See if you can claim back your £600 excess on the claim too

TheYearOfSmallThings · 13/10/2022 20:02

You did the right thing, 100%. They or their friends sound dodgy.

I couldn't vote because YANBU to have made the choice you made but YABU to feel terrible about it.

Sugarplumfairy65 · 13/10/2022 20:02

Harlowwolrah · 13/10/2022 19:59

Thank you. I just hate the thought that because they offered me money that means going through insurance will make then struggle.

I’ve made the claim now and it’s even going to cost me £600 - cheers Direct Line.

Why is it going to cost you anything?

Mangogogogo · 13/10/2022 20:03

Oh and it’s not a legal requirement. It’s a legal requirement to exchange details and it’s often part of an insurer’s policy to report all crashes but it’s not something the police would do anything about

CaptainMyCaptain · 13/10/2022 20:03

DailyMailHater · 13/10/2022 19:56

You are doing the right thing.

Yes. I didn't know which way to vote but you are doing the right thing.

35965a · 13/10/2022 20:04

You’re doing the right thing 100%

Nugg · 13/10/2022 20:05

It shouldn't cost you a penny as it's not your fault and my reaction if offered cash rather than insurance would be Are they insured!?

NurseNeerDoWell · 13/10/2022 20:06

They went through a red light and a friend conveniently showed up to pressurise you into accepting cash which presumably you never actually saw with your own eyes? I wouldn’t be quite as sure as you are that this was an accident. Red means stop or at the very least make a turn with caution in every country I’ve ever been to! This is a very common scam. The money wouldn’t materialise.

lannistunut · 13/10/2022 20:07

You're doing the right thing, the fact they had an accident will make things hard for them but it is the only way, that is why we have insurance.

AndTwoFilmsByFrancoisTruffaut · 13/10/2022 20:07

They sound like a liability. Driving through a red light. I’m wondering if new to the country might mean no insurance. Maybe no legitimate driving license. Who knows. All sounds a bit sketch. You have nothing to feel bad about. The bloody cheek of their friend though trying to blame you that alone would make me feel less guilty!

isadoradancing123 · 13/10/2022 20:07

They dont sound nice at all, they sound dodgy , they went through a red light, could have had very serious consequences

Original poster

Harlowwolrah · 13/10/2022 20:07

Sugarplumfairy65 · 13/10/2022 20:02

Why is it going to cost you anything?

Show quote history

Because they said it’s my word against theirs so they will investigate it.

The garage the insurers used said I will have to pay them £600 once fixed as no liability has been assigned.

Thankfully I have dash cam footage. So hopefully I can claim it back.

OP posts:

Cigarettesaftersex1 · 13/10/2022 20:07

Driving through a red-light isn't an accident, they made that choice to do that. That aside, always go through insurance

RockingMyFiftiesNot · 13/10/2022 20:13

Please go through your insurance. I almost caved in when I was hit by another car and the woman was sobbing because she'd recently had another accident and was worried about her insurance costs going up. The damage didn't look too bad given how hard she went into me. But when the garage looked into it, there was internal damage that couldn't been seen and more Damage underneath. I ended up with a hire car for 3 weeks. And on day 3 after the accident I was in a lot of pain and her insurance paid for the physio I wouldn't have got so quickly had I waited for the NHS.
I'd feel sorry for them too OP but please don't take the risk. It could be really costly to you.

Original poster

Harlowwolrah · 13/10/2022 20:13

NurseNeerDoWell · 13/10/2022 20:06

No their friends came whilst we were waiting at the side of the road. We swapped details and they watched the dash cam footage and his friend said you are both to blame.

At that point I was very much over the situation of standing on a pavement being gawped at by people and having reported it to the police and swapped details. I got in my car and left as thankfully it still drives.

They called me an hour later and asked to give me money and not use insurance.

OP posts:

Justcallmebebes · 13/10/2022 20:14

Did they give you their insurance details?

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