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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel terrible I did this?

155 replies

Harlowwolrah · 13/10/2022 19:54

Today a car hit me as they went through a red light and I went through on green.

It was a genuine accident and the wife of the man who hit me was very upset and they were both concerned if I was hurt - I wasn’t. They didn’t speak great English and said they’d only been in the UK a short time.

Their friends showed up and this friend actually tried to say it was both our fault. They later rang me and asked to pay me and avoid insurance. I said no and that I had to go through insurance as who knows what the damage could cost and I wouldn’t have a courtesy car etc

I just feel terrible. They seemed like a nice couple and now I feel I’ve made life hard for them when they’ve just moved countries because their insurance will go up etc

Am I stupid to feel this way?

OP posts:

NurseNeerDoWell · 13/10/2022 20:15

Tbh that makes it sound even more scammy. And if its not a scam he’s a cheeky sod.

OrigamiOwls · 13/10/2022 20:16

They were clearly at fault and then tried to land you with half the bill. YABU to be worried or concerned for them... They tried to take you for a ride!

LZ1158 · 13/10/2022 20:17

I only vote you're being unreasonable because you're putting yourself second - someone hit you with no intent but still, it's not your mistake to be fretting over.

You have every right to go through insurance to ensure you don't end up being fobbed off, and the suggestion that the 'friends' might have tried to suggest the fault was partially yours makes me think there's a stronger likelihood that might happen!

Luredbyapomegranate · 13/10/2022 20:17

You aren’t unreasonable to feel for them, that’s human, but you and they would get into a world of deeper trouble if you dodged insurance, so you did the right thing.

The friend thing is a dodgy also, so I wouldn’t feel THAT bad.

Georgeskitchen · 13/10/2022 20:20

Why aren't you claiming on their insurance? Have you reported it to the police? They should get done for careless driving at the very least!!

BeautifulWar · 13/10/2022 20:23

They ran a red light? Don't that concern you at all? Would you be hand wringing if it were a British, middle aged man?
Or would you think he was completely irresponsible and possibly a danger on the road?

BeautifulWar · 13/10/2022 20:25

doesn't ffs.

captncrunch · 13/10/2022 20:26

How did they hit you - what actually happened and where is the damage on each car? What was the reason the friend gave for it being equal fault?

I agree that it sounds a bit dodgy.

Original poster

Harlowwolrah · 13/10/2022 20:26

Georgeskitchen · 13/10/2022 20:20

Why aren't you claiming on their insurance? Have you reported it to the police? They should get done for careless driving at the very least!!

I did report it to the police and to say they weren’t bothered would be putting it kindly.

What’s odd though is there was a car accident on my street right outside of my house on a quiet residential street. no one was hurt. And 2 police cars came.

I got hit in the middle of a busy crossroad and they were like yeah and?

OP posts:

ICanHideButICantRun · 13/10/2022 20:26

That's very concerning that they are new to the country and want to avoid going through insurance. I wonder whether they are insured.

captncrunch · 13/10/2022 20:29

Also, a young woman rear-ended my car on the school run a few weeks ago. She was only about 18 and was in floods of tears about it. I was at a give away waiting for a gap and she went into the back of me. Kids were in car and crying and she felt awful. There was damage to the front of her car (smashed headlight ) but barely a scratch on mine. We exchanged details and I felt so bad for her I said no damage done, don't worry about it. Since then, the paint has peeled continually off my bumper. Wrinkled over a week then began to fall off. There could be some internal damage, it's much worse than it looked initially. I'm hoping it won't cost much to fix now...

MinnyMous · 13/10/2022 20:30

I’ve got a quote and taken cash before but my car was quite old and I thought the insurers would have written it off if I claimed. I still had to inform my insurers though.

Allywill · 13/10/2022 20:30

A elderly man did similar to me. He drove through a red light and hit me - he was all apologetic at the scene asking if we could sort it out between ourselves as he said his premium would go up and he wouldn’t be able to afford it. I got a quote for the repair and then he started arguing about the price and asking me to take it to a garage he knew for another quote. At this point I said I was going through the insurance as I wasn’t prepared to argue. Insurance sorted it.

Original poster

Harlowwolrah · 13/10/2022 20:33

captncrunch · 13/10/2022 20:26

How did they hit you - what actually happened and where is the damage on each car? What was the reason the friend gave for it being equal fault?

I agree that it sounds a bit dodgy.

A still from the footage (tried to edit out anything identifiable)

You can see the light is green for me. He carried on coming to turn right (watching the video back he narrowly misses cars coming the opposite way) and the front of his car went straight into the side of my car.

He said he was just following the cars in front of him turning right but you can see the car he followed isn’t even close to him.

OP posts:

MrsLargeEmbodied · 13/10/2022 20:34

i went to a garage who gave me a quote for the car,
then they paid
no insurance necessary

MrsLargeEmbodied · 13/10/2022 20:34

i too would be worried about the insurers wanting to right it off

captncrunch · 13/10/2022 20:36

Ahh I understand now, looking at the picture. I can't see what the friend is on about. What does he think you should have done, given way to him?

I am no expert, but would think if the front of his is damaged and the side of yours, it would really help your case that he ran into you while you were already moving

Quveas · 13/10/2022 20:36

You don't want to hear this. Involve insurance and the police. There isn't a country in the world where red lights don't mean stop. They may be telling the truth. But this is how scams work

Original poster

Harlowwolrah · 13/10/2022 20:40

Quveas · 13/10/2022 20:36

You don't want to hear this. Involve insurance and the police. There isn't a country in the world where red lights don't mean stop. They may be telling the truth. But this is how scams work

I have gone through insurance. I just feel bad as I don’t want to make someone suffer finically.

OP posts:

Comedycook · 13/10/2022 20:42

I'd be wondering if the reason they offered you money is because they are not insured?

And no, I wouldn't feel bad. Cars can kill people. It's no joke.

vipersnest1 · 13/10/2022 20:43

@Harlowwolrah 'I have gone through insurance. I just feel bad as I don’t want to make someone suffer finically.'
But, you also didn't make them go through a red light did you?

Sparklybees · 13/10/2022 20:47

I wouldn't waste time worrying about their financial situation. It's nothing to do with you. They drove dangerously, hit you and damaged your car, luckily not you.

You are doing the correct thing going through insurance.

Their life and financial concerns are theirs. Your car and your life are yours.

DemoBourbon · 13/10/2022 20:53

Harlowwolrah · 13/10/2022 20:40

I have gone through insurance. I just feel bad as I don’t want to make someone suffer finically.

Show quote history

It’s very unlikely that their insurance would go up more next year than the cost of the repairs (I’m assuming the cost is more than £600 as you’ve deemed it worth paying this amount as your excess).

If you have legal cover in your car insurance you can use this to recover you excess for the other person’s insurance if the accept liability, so you won’t be out of pocket.

PoundShopPrincess · 13/10/2022 21:01

I don't think you have to feel terrible. It's the point of insurance after all.

I also don't think the fact they offered to pay you direct means that they're scamming you or aren't insured. Lots of people offer to pay direct rather than go through insurance. When I was learning to drive, someone hit the instructor's car. They agreed not to go through insurance. Both were insured. No-one was scamming anyone.

MacaroniBaloney · 13/10/2022 21:02

Sounds like a scam to me. Who has an accident at the same time friends are suddenly on the scene?

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