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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel terrible I did this?

155 replies

Harlowwolrah · 13/10/2022 19:54

Today a car hit me as they went through a red light and I went through on green.

It was a genuine accident and the wife of the man who hit me was very upset and they were both concerned if I was hurt - I wasn’t. They didn’t speak great English and said they’d only been in the UK a short time.

Their friends showed up and this friend actually tried to say it was both our fault. They later rang me and asked to pay me and avoid insurance. I said no and that I had to go through insurance as who knows what the damage could cost and I wouldn’t have a courtesy car etc

I just feel terrible. They seemed like a nice couple and now I feel I’ve made life hard for them when they’ve just moved countries because their insurance will go up etc

Am I stupid to feel this way?

OP posts:
ReformedWaywardTeen · 14/10/2022 18:20

They caused an accident. They were negligent. The fact their mate tried to get you to share blame says it all. Why would they call a mate, they should have phoned police to report an accident.
I wonder if they even have insurance and it's more that their petrified if you go to insurances they will be flagged as driving illegally.
You should not feel bad because someone wasn't driving with due care and attention. Go through insurance as planned

Highover · 14/10/2022 18:22

I think the fact that they are new to the country is very relevant. They may well have been confused by driving on the ‘wrong’ side of the road.
Don’t crumble and accept a 50/50 claim. Your insurance company will probably encourage that option as it is easier for them.

police don’t attend for damage only accidents where there are no other factors eg obstructions/public order etc

exaltedwombat · 14/10/2022 18:24

There's no legal requirement to go through insurance.

When you checked the car number online did it show as insured? (That doesn't prove that THAT driver was insured, but it's a start.)

It CAN be cheaper for both sides to keep insurance out of a minor prang. But you need to be sure it IS minor, and a degree of trust is involved. Attitudes can change after a family discussion!

Maryminx · 14/10/2022 18:32

Get an estimate for damage ASAP.
Then get cash from these people straightaway.
Tell them it was not your fault,whereas the other car went through on green.

Spuffcat · 14/10/2022 18:40

I would always go through insurance, I have plenty of stories of family not doing it and it went horribly wrong.

ConfusedMum78910 · 14/10/2022 18:46

Their insurer will offer them the option to repay them once they have paid for your damage. The claim will be on their record but with no cost associated to it. You have to do what works for you.

LakieLady · 14/10/2022 18:46

Allywill · 13/10/2022 20:30

A elderly man did similar to me. He drove through a red light and hit me - he was all apologetic at the scene asking if we could sort it out between ourselves as he said his premium would go up and he wouldn’t be able to afford it. I got a quote for the repair and then he started arguing about the price and asking me to take it to a garage he knew for another quote. At this point I said I was going through the insurance as I wasn’t prepared to argue. Insurance sorted it.

Sounds like my friend's DF!

He's 85, has had "a few" small accidents in the last couple of years and always settles privately, and says it's because he doesn't want his premiums to go up. In his case, I think it's more that he doesn't want to risk having his licence taken away, the silly old man.

WonderingWanda · 14/10/2022 18:57

Have you submitted your footage to the insurance company? Why on earth are you feeling guilty? They drove through a red light and crashed into you, were they blind?

Mollymoostoo · 14/10/2022 18:59

You did the right thing.
For one they could refuse to pay or demand you let then carry out repairs.
What if you have an injury that starts up or bruising. Use insurance, I'm guessing they were driving friends car. This isn't your problem.
I had a situation where a taxi went into the back of me and then followed me and at traffic lights asked me to not go through insurance.
He then starting calling me and I had to get my husband to tell him to back off. I was so anxious about it. I also ended up with a knee injury and needed physio. Thankfully no whiplash but I was emotionally petrified and had to sell my car as I was terrified every time I saw a backcab behind me

KarmaStar · 14/10/2022 19:00

Come on,keep it above board and go through insurance.
You need to be stronger than this.

BiscuitLover3678 · 14/10/2022 19:01

You feel guilty because you are actually nicer than them. It’s not nice to try and trick you not to go through insurance! I feel sorry for them if they’re not in a good situation. You have no need to be guilty though.

browneyes77 · 14/10/2022 19:27

You’re entitled to feel however you feel.

But you are absolutely right to go through the insurance.

I accidentally reversed into some guy in a big Range Rover last year. It was weird though because I’d checked my mirrors before I reversed and nothing was there and he just seemed to appear from nowhere. Couldn’t quite wrap my head around how it had happened to be honest. Felt awful anyway.

Swapped details, I took pics (he took none). His bumper had a tiny scratch because he was essentially driving a tank. My Quashqai had a back panel sticking out that I was able to pop back in. All in all minimal damage.

He sent me a picture of some random garage quote 30 mins later totalling around £600 but then said they estimated it would cost way in excess of £1k? Which baffled me as the quote was there in black and white. He then said “Do you want to go through insurance or sort it privately?”.

Sounded super dodge and I stuck to going through my insurance (I’d never not do this). I then contacted my insurance to advise them what had happened and give them a heads up about his dodgy message and the fact the quote said one thing and he tried to say it would be more (not to mention the speed at which this ‘quote’ came through). They got me to send his texts through to them and agreed that it sounded like he was trying it on to get more money.

They left it open for 6 months for him to make a claim. He never did.

Charcy · 14/10/2022 19:41

Sounds like a case of no insurance tbh.

You have done the right thing and whilst it's admirable to feel empathy for them, you can't go about running red lights, in any country.

Be proud of yourself for being caring, but don't lose any sleep over it. It wasn't your fault and it's literally what insurance is for. Think you mentioned you're with Direct Line so you should be covered regardless if they turn out to have no insurance.

I was hit in a similar situation, bloke gave me all his details and we went on our merry ways. Turned out the car was only insured in his wife's name not his so took nearly a year to sort the excess claim back, hopefully you don't have the same issues.

BananaSplitX · 14/10/2022 20:08

I would not go through insurance (provided they are genuine and haven’t given you wrong details). I have a personal example of why not to. My husband’s motorcycle was stolen earlier this year outside our train station. Police report and all. He claimed theft on insurance. He’s a named driver on my car. My car insurance went up by £50 because he claimed and this will stay on the record for 5 years. So if you can avoid claiming on insurance, I would. Because even if it’s not your fault, you insurance will go up for the next 5 years because you claimed. Sad but true.

Sally090807 · 14/10/2022 21:07

Why would you feel bad, they went through a red light and could of killed someone.

Bottomofthepileasusual · 14/10/2022 21:41

Ask your insurer to recover your excess back for you if you don't have legal cover. They can include it with their claim

Stewball · 14/10/2022 23:57

How could you be to blame if you went through a green light? 🤔. You did the right thing. They took a chance going through a red light and offering you money. Don't lose any sleep over these people.

Original poster
Harlowwolrah · 15/10/2022 00:19

Stewball · 14/10/2022 23:57

How could you be to blame if you went through a green light? 🤔. You did the right thing. They took a chance going through a red light and offering you money. Don't lose any sleep over these people.

They were turning right but didn’t get through when they were on green because there’s no filter light and no break inbetween the oncoming traffic.

There was two cars in front of him turning right so they went through between the seconds of the light changing. He wasn’t following right behind them and you can see from rewatching the footage that when he does go he narrowly misses another car as well.

His friend claimed that because he was already in position to turn right it was a 50/50 fault. You can clearly see from the photo he was at still at the lights when he decided to go and there’s a noticeable gap between him and the car in front. Also the two cars in front of him in the queue would have prevented him from being in the centre of the crossroads when the lights changed.

It actually makes me so angry now that his friend tried to say I was equally at fault.

To feel terrible I did this?
OP posts:
Stewball · 15/10/2022 00:27

Ignore this bloody friend. You certainly were not in the wrong at all. He should have been patient.

Pinkfluff76 · 15/10/2022 08:29

You feel bad when someone went through a red light. They should feel bad. The light goes green, amber and then red. And their friend said it was both your fault after seeing your dash cam footage, are they blind or just dodgy liars? Don’t feel bad. It’s a huge inconvenience to you and could cost you money!!

Vynalbob · 15/10/2022 11:27

Insurance has to be the way.... there maybe effects to the car or you which don't come out until after the adrenaline of the shock calms down.

DrFoxtrot · 15/10/2022 11:39

My mum has been in a similar accident and the blame went 50:50 as they said green only means go if it is safe to proceed. Were you moving forward? Could you see them continuing to proceed from the right?

maddening · 15/10/2022 11:45

Seriously don't fall for the sob story, anyone that causes an accident and then gets friends to try and press-gang the victim to accepting blame and then call you to ask you to pay are probably cunts.

Devora13 · 15/10/2022 19:30

If they have friends who are trying to make out you're partly to blame, what's to stop them 'finding out" they have an injury and trying to claim directly from you for it? Best to put it on record.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 15/10/2022 19:40

It actually makes me so angry now that his friend tried to say I was equally at fault

Understandably so, but think about this for a minute - if you'd produced any estimate for him to pay directly instead of involving the insurers, he's have said straight away that he should only pay half because "it was 50/50", and then you'd have had an ongoing argument on your hands with more of his "friends" probably crawling out of the woodwork

All of which is why you've done the right thing notifying the insurers in the first place