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To expect some sort of financial contribution

168 replies

carkerpatridge · 13/10/2022 19:24

DS 22 is living at home since finishing uni this year. He is working 40+ hours a week and doesn't have any expenses or financial commitments apart from some money for travel etc. I help him with quite a large portion of his travel to make the journey to work easier, often late at night due to a lack of buses close to where we live.

I have said that he needs to contribute towards his board and lodgings, and this has been met with complete disbelief. Apparently, this does not happen in other families - which I think is a nice try on his part. So I am wondering what does happen in other families in a similar situation. I left home and fended for myself after uni so can't make any comparisons with my own experience at this age.

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?


You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

PeppaPigIsBacon · 13/10/2022 19:47

I didn’t pay rent, as my parents were fortunate enough not to need me to and they calculated it didn’t cost much extra to have me living there. I did sort out my own food / give lifts etc. But the deal was that in order not to pay rent, I had to be saving at least 50% of my salary towards a deposit.

That approach still seems quite common with people I know, although more are now asking for a contribution towards gas & electric (understandably’


HuntingoftheSnark · 13/10/2022 19:47

It depends on circumstances as others have said. DD 24 works full time and pays half of all bills, her own food/cooking and does all housework (that's entirely her choice). I don't have a mortgage and it's always been just the two of us. We both think it's fair - and that's what counts more than what anyone else does.


stayathomegardener · 13/10/2022 19:48

As long as I can afford it I wouldn't ask DD 23 for any money, that said she's sensible and building herself a future.


TowerRaven7 · 13/10/2022 19:48

It depends. If he is saving for a house deposit then I’d charge very minimally and then give it back when he moves out. If he’s just living at home and you don’t see him going anywhere in the foreseeable future heck yes I’d ask for a substantial contribution!


BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 13/10/2022 19:49

Of course he should be contributing! 20% of take home to cover bed and board. And if you are driving him to and from work all the time then petrol money too.

Is he learning to drive?


justhadit · 13/10/2022 19:49

We haven't taken any keep in order they could save to move out. If they weren't saving and just frittering the money i would have taken it. We are lucky to be in a position to be able to afford to do this, and live in an expensive part of the country so know that getting their own place is expensive. I have friends who take keep because they need it to help cover their outgoings, and friends who take it to stop it being frittered with the idea of giving it back at some point. Once they are working they have no right to expect free board.


AxolotlEars · 13/10/2022 19:50

It happens in our house!


WhyCantNameLastMoreThanDay · 13/10/2022 19:51

Mine didnt/dont pay

One bought a house with her BF age 25 and the other has £20k in a house buying ISA.


Wibbly1008 · 13/10/2022 19:52

Perhaps he can try living in another house and see how that suits him? Lol! He is being cheeky!! He knows he should be contributing!


Soapboxqueen · 13/10/2022 19:52

My parents didn't charge me anything.

My dad was quite firm on the idea that we didn't pay.


JennyForeigner2 · 13/10/2022 19:53

TheFlis12345 · 13/10/2022 19:29

My parents would never have taken a penny from me and as far as I’m aware it is the same for all my friends. Our parents were all lucky to be comfortable financially though so I think that it would vary a lot for people in a different position.

I think that that’s a recipe for having children who don’t really understand the concept of money and who end up struggling later. Living as an adult in a “proper” adult job and not having any living expenses just seems so strange.


realynotfair · 13/10/2022 19:53

My DS earns £1,600 per month after tax and gives me £400 per month for all food, bills, washing and ironing done!


lannistunut · 13/10/2022 19:53

I would not charge market rent but would always charge something to someone who was an adult and working full time.

He does sound a bit like he is taking the piss.


JennyForeigner2 · 13/10/2022 19:54

carkerpatridge · 13/10/2022 19:34

I think he is missing the student lifestyle and would probably prefer to live in a house share but as far as I know he isn't saving towards this. If he had a definite and transparent financial plan in place I might be prepared to go easy on him and just ask for something towards bills. However, at the moment it feels like I am facilitating an easy life for him and allowing him to fund his social life.

What on Earth is his money going on if it’s pretty much all disposable income?


HollyGoLoudly1 · 13/10/2022 19:54

I didn't have to pay board after uni but this was for 2 reasons:

1 - my parents are very financially comfortable and the extra expenses of having me home weren't a factor for them
2 - I was saving almost everything I earned for a house deposit. My lifestyle was still very much a student-y one so this wasn't too big a deal.

If I'd have been out pissing money up the wall on clothes, fancy nights out and buying designer cars on finance (looking at you, cousin who graduated the same year and thought she was in Wolf of Wall Street) it would have been a different matter.


carkerpatridge · 13/10/2022 19:54

Thank you so much for all your comments which are definitely making me feel better about my opinion on this!

I am single and am supporting him on my own so a contribution towards bills, council tax etc would be helpful whilst not meaning that I was financially benefitting. I don't depend on him to contribute financially but it would be very helpful as I am by no means loaded! I would also add that he does absolutely nothing to help around the house and seems happy to live in a complete mess - so I feel even less inclined to let him carry on like this. If he was happy to help out I would be less irritated about this!

buggeredmyleg YES!! This is exactly the mentality that he has. I can see it but can't get through to him that I am not being unreasonable.

OP posts:

wifeofaclosefriend · 13/10/2022 19:55

He should pay his way
Tell him this and the alternative is to move out!


buggeredmyleg · 13/10/2022 19:56

Ha. I knew it would be like that. I've one who tends to that if they think they can get away with it.

If he doesn't like it, he's free to move out. (He won't!)


AloysiusBear · 13/10/2022 19:56

at the moment it feels like I am facilitating an easy life for him and allowing him to fund his social life. to an extent you are and its a trap loads of young people fall into.

If you live away for a bit and get used to budgeting for rent & bills, if you then move back to parents for a bit to save a mortgage deposit its quite easy to save because you are used to the lifestyle you can actually afford post bills. If you never move out & pay bills, its easy to get used to living a lifestyle based around never funding those bills. I think it also leads people to not realise how much they need to earn to truly self fund that sort of lifestyle and they don't push their careers as much as they should.


Caterina99 · 13/10/2022 19:56

My in-laws don’t charge BIL anything. And MIL does all cooking, washing, cleaning etc for him.

As a result he lives at home at age 30, with a decent job, and doesn’t seem to have any plans to move out.

In-laws don’t seem to mind, so everyone is happy in their household, but I personally intend to either insist my DC pay board (and save it for them if I can afford to) or save part of their income towards a house.


Maireas · 13/10/2022 19:57

toulet · 13/10/2022 19:46

I don't know anybody who allows their adult children (who are working) to live for free, without paying board and lodge.

I know loads of people who did which enabled them to save up big deposits.

Me too.


Pumpkinsbeinghitbyfallingapples · 13/10/2022 19:59

Charge him for bills, make him help with the housework and save his future partner posting on the relationship board...


Maireas · 13/10/2022 19:59

WhyCantNameLastMoreThanDay · 13/10/2022 19:51

Mine didnt/dont pay

One bought a house with her BF age 25 and the other has £20k in a house buying ISA.

I'm the same. I'm not taking his money. He can save for the future.


Idyllicidealist · 13/10/2022 19:59

My two paid me 20%.
That way if they got a pay rise I got more board without having to ask.


lightlypoached · 13/10/2022 20:00

He should be paying something and taking driving lessons too.

Independence is so important.

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