AIBU?
To have refused to take nephew out for the day?
iz92 · 13/10/2022 12:00
Nephew is 15, y11, he hasn't done a full week at school this academic year with having one day off a week or attending one day and having the rest of the week off, he attended 4 days last week, had the Friday off and has so far had the whole of this week off, his parents don't seem to care, in their defence he did skip school Monday and Tuesday but yesterday he said he didn't want to go for no particular reason, and the same today. When he doesn't go he just stays in bed on his devices (which I wouldn't allow but I'm not his parent!).
Today, I'm going to take DD to a trampoline park, as she only attends nursery a few days a week and she's off today, his mum has asked if I can take him along as he'd enjoy it, I've said no as he should be at school and that'd be rewarding him for not attending and its half term soon so he can go then. BIL spoke to DH and DH has said I'm BU as I know nephew struggles with his anxiety which is probably why he isn't going, I disagree as yes I understand he has anxiety but I think he isn't going as he finds staying at home more fun.
AIBU?
JudgeJ · 17/11/2022 12:14
Wayk · 13/10/2022 12:04
Anxiety is crippling, please offer support to the young man.
Anxiety or terminal laziness? People are so quick to assign labels as excuses. Personally I wouldn't be taking his, if he does have anxiety I wouldn't want the responsibility and if he doesn't then I would be adding to the parents' neglect.
Stompythedinosaur · 17/11/2022 15:25
I work in children's mental health, and have done lots of work with to teens with anxiety. I absolutely wouldn't have taken him to a fun activity when he should be in school. Anxiety is a horrible disorder, but let's not encourage non-attendance by providing secondary gains to being off.
sue20 · 18/11/2022 14:04
You are not BU. You could even at a stretch be picked up on why you have a school age child with you during school time eg if there was an accident.
A child’s anxiety issues can’t be dealt with by colluding with them - it’s a parental responsibility that he is not falling behind on social and educational development. Hopefully this issue is being dealt with by the school and their social welfare system. So whether it’s laziness or anxiety it’s a problem which needs proper address not taking them to the park!
Poppinjay · 18/11/2022 16:42
Stompythedinosaur · 17/11/2022 15:25
I work in children's mental health, and have done lots of work with to teens with anxiety. I absolutely wouldn't have taken him to a fun activity when he should be in school. Anxiety is a horrible disorder, but let's not encourage non-attendance by providing secondary gains to being off.
Thank goodness there are more enlightened staff working at our local CAMHS who understand the benefits of providing children with activities that support wellbeing and self-esteem and how that contributes to their resilience and ability to get into school when it is meeting their needs.
Nowhereelsetogo90 · 19/11/2022 17:27
So many extreme black and white responses on this thread. As a teacher I’ve had kids refuse school with genuine anxiety/MH problems and the parents have been distraught and tried everything etc. I feel for them as it must be stressful beyond belief. I’ve also had kids refuse school who want to play on devices all day and the parents CBA arguing. Both things can be true. None of us know which one OPs nephew is 🤷🏻♀️
BabyDriversMummy · 02/12/2022 22:02
Is he getting any formal/ professional help for his anxiety?
Or is he just spoiled and indulged?
My brother truanted (with my parents’ blessing) for the last two years of school.
He’s now 55. Still living off the Bank of Mum & Dad. Never learned to drive. Never held down a job for very long.
SammyScrounge · 02/12/2022 23:17
JennyForeigner2 · 13/10/2022 12:12
There’s nothing ignorant about not taking a truant to a trampoline park.
There’s quite a lot of ignorance in thinking that someone not attending school,should be taken out for treats like this.
HouseBook · 13/10/2022 12:02
I disagree as yes I understand he has anxiety but I think he isn't going as he finds staying at home more fun
Yours is the attitude I found the hardest when fighting my way through this with DD. She is younger and I have taken her out of school but the ignorance I had to deal with was strong.
Absolutely right. The treat should be given to the boy
Worklessplaymore · 26/12/2022 17:55
Nowhereelsetogo90 · 19/11/2022 17:27
So many extreme black and white responses on this thread. As a teacher I’ve had kids refuse school with genuine anxiety/MH problems and the parents have been distraught and tried everything etc. I feel for them as it must be stressful beyond belief. I’ve also had kids refuse school who want to play on devices all day and the parents CBA arguing. Both things can be true. None of us know which one OPs nephew is 🤷🏻♀️
^^. Totally this! I suppose the op has a better idea than most of us what causes the lad's anxiety, but even a close family member doesn't know everything that does on in a relative's home.
And remember, many teens are still recovering from the effects of lockdown when their lives were interrupted, which has made everything more difficult.
I don't think his parents should have put you in this position op, but in your shoes, I would be taking your nephew out, outside of school hours, and trying to be a bit of an ally.
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