"All men cheat, you just never find out about it"

[Maryfast]

I'm part of a mixed friendship group who have been friends since school. We went on a night out Saturday night and my partner works away (we've been together 4 years and bought a house last year). He tends to work away for 3 weeks and then be home for 2 weeks.

Anyway, friends were asking how he was and conversation soon turned to how some would never do a relationship that entails being far apart from each other for certain amounts of time. Then conversation turned to trust and I was saying how I can never imagine he'd cheat on me and how lovely he is.

That"s when one my male friends made the comment on the thread title, followed by how all the males he know outside our friendship group have cheated but all the friends never say anything.

I don't believe this to be true at all and I've never imagined my partner cheating. Does anyone else believe in the view that "men have an innate ability to cheat?"

I think it's nonsense

I'm on the opposite side, I mainly worked with women and they were pretty awful. Weekends away with the girls were usually just an excuse for random hook ups. One night stands and random sex on a night out seemed not to count as being unfaithful. There was one delightful young lady used to say 'if you have an itch you need to scratch it', she was actually quite a nice person apart from that aspect.

What was the industry?

When I worked in contracting casual sex while guys were away was rife. They looked at it as scratching an itch. The most reliable method of determining who was cheating was looking at how many photos of wife/family were on their desk. The cheaters always had loads of photos.

Yup.
Often it's lack of opportunity that keeps men faithful.

Shan't say where it actually was but i started in purchasing and moved onto accounts, almost entirely women in the offices. A few men worked there but they were the exception.

The most reliable method of determining who was cheating was looking at how many photos of wife/family were on their desk. The cheaters always had loads of photos.

I'll have to give OH a row, he had lots of pictures of us and the girls. He only went away occasionally though.

I'm afraid I agree with him given my own experiences and the amount of married or "taken" men who have hit on me.

I don't believe it's true.
And say that having been cheated on.

Anecdata: big awards event with work, with circa 1000 people there. I know from my circle, any one could have done anything and no way of anyone back home knowing.

What actually happened was, we all stuck together, got stupidly pissed then stumbled back to our hotel together all parting ways in the lobby.

I didn't see a single bit of "frisson" between anyone when I was people watching.

The most I saw was me being bought a drink by my colleagues old colleague, bit flirty but good natured flirty. Not sexual flirty.

So if everyone there had a 100% safe option to cheat, and not one person in my party (of 7, me being the only woman) we know for definite that the original statement is bullshit.

Like "all men watch porn" its a statement used by men to justify their behaviour and women to justify putting up with it.

Interestingly I've never heard a woman say "all women cheat" despite the rates being similar in pretty much every study I've seen.

I travelled away for work for a couple of years in quite nice hotels.
I had to stop going to the gym, eating in the restaurant, sitting in the bar with a book as I was getting hassled so much by men.
Sadly the majority of them were wearing wedding rings.
It gave me a low opinion of men - I could've been shagging almost every night if I wanted.
Instead I was having room service unless a work colleague was staying in the hotel then we'd have a meal, etc. Even then if we were two women we'd still get approached...
I know not all men are like this but I think there is a certain type that's a bit of a chancer & if the opportunity arises, they won't say no.

He's a cheat and making himself feel better by pretending all men do it.

Where do these figures of 73% dropping to 50% or 40% come from?

I don't believe any of them.

Read the relationship board. There are so many posters who start threads either saying their H is acting a bit strange and distant or has suddenly announced they are not happy and don’t know if they want to be married. 100 posters will reply saying sorry OP I think there’s another woman involved. The OP will reply, no, no, no my H would never cheat, in fact he was very disappointed with such and such who did cheat. 3 pages of replies later the OP returns saying it looks like there is another woman after all.

Anybody is the right set of circumstances can cheat. Anybody

I've said this on here before and I'll say it again. I used to work (no, not taking money for sex) in the sex industry loosely shall we say.

The sheer VOLUME of married men, new babies at home, loving grandfathers (who would often, mindbogglingly, speak about their grandchildren etc) married for 50 years types, people you would never look at and think they would cheat. Well, they do. And if they don't actually get to, they want to. The amount of old men who would sleep with a just turned 18 year old as well. They loved much, much younger. Or much, much older in some cases! It was eye opening. But now I can't really look at friendly old grandpas out with little Charlie the same. I feel like I KNOW. I wouldn't say ALL men though, no. What I would say, and it's just my opinion, is that if most men get the opportunity, they would.

I’ve never been surprised at this, tbh. Women have been socialised and sold this pup that sex is a magical and special gift between people who love each other, and that you’re supposed to settle down with one person who you truly love, and this is the only person you will have sex with forever and ever and mustn’t so much as look at anyone else. It’s the patriarchy’s way of keeping women in line and ensuring a man has sexual exclusivity of his property.

Men know the above is all bullshit and made up to keep women in line, aren’t socialised for signing up for it in the same way, and feel far more freedom to acknowledge that sex can just be sex.

Nah I don't agree with this at all. I think there's different types of men and alot are sleazebags (like my ex) but I would confidently say the men in my life (family, husband etc.) have never and would never cheat (maybe one would...) same goes for women, I know I never would and know others that wouldn't either, but I know some that would given the chance!

I think most men would cheat if there was no chance of getting found out

but not all

I don’t think love and being in a happy relationship always comes into why men cheat

Well yes anyone can cheat but many just would not no matter what the circumstances.

I never have and absolutely know for certain I never would. I totally believe in marriage and take the vows seriously. I also think cheating is totally wrong. If you love and respect someone why would you treat them so badly? I could never ever do that to my DH plus I could never live with myself

Spheroids

Of course not all men cheat.
Having said that, my DH was an elite sportsman for about 15 years. We had lots of ‘ couple friends’ during that time in various sports teams. I found out some times along the way from DH and some years later that many of the men were cheating. Girls sending nude pics etc on Snapchat/Instagram and the men meeting up with them subsequently. It was very obvious they were not single and I’ve seen them at events with their spouse for example, whilst the other girl is there aswell. Some high profile guys I know who represent their country are still cheating to this day! I don’t know if their wives know.. I suspect yes to be honest. X

Not so.

It is as easy as swiping on an app. There are tons of married men on Tinder etc. Some of them are very open about it, others you can tell after chatting. One I didn't work out till we'd met. Even the less attractive ones* will probably get a date if they swipe right a lot and hide that they're married.

• I say that... surely no one swipes right on the really bad photos? I mean, there are worse options than being single, and many of them are trying their luck on OLD...

Truthfully, I know very few men who do cheat. Of those who would, I'd pretty much say are blatantly obvious that they'd cheat, and give off serious red flags aside from that... I don't know any self respecting women who would give them the time of day.

I don't think every man or woman does cheat, or would cheat, like a pp said, too many variables.

I think there are indicators as to oppotunity and ability that lesson or increse the probability.

Nothing is certain given the right conditions and envoiroment.
It's an impossible question.

I currently know three married women in their late fifties early sixties who have had long term or multiple affairs, very responsible pillars of their communities. They have their reasons and say they dont want to upset family apple carts and they enjoy their stability. As a nurse over many years Ive known dozens of women cheat and never get caught ..I generally think women rarely get found out as much as men do , and I've certainly seen married women at conferences and training courses have one night stands.