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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave 2 year old and 10 month old alone for a week?

454 replies

PrueHalliwell · 12/10/2022 18:51

Well not alone obviously but with their grandma?

I'm 30 this month but on my birthday I'll be 38 weeks pregnant so that rules out anything exciting happening (unless I give birth! That'd be lovely)

So my husband has suggested we go for a week away next year to universal Florida as we both love it there ( we are big kids) but we don't think it'll be appropriate for a 2 year old and a 10 month old just yet plus would be nice to actually spend some time as a couple and I was really excited about it but now the mum guilt has started to creep in and I've started to feel really bad about leaving them.

My MIL has a good bond with my DS and DD isn't born yet but I'm sure they'll be okay - she's happy to look after them and they will be staying at our house with her and I'll know they'll be safe and have a good week but is it really selfish?

I just wanted to see what others thought before booking the holiday.

Thank you

OP posts:
CrookCrane · 12/10/2022 20:10

Notimeforaname · 12/10/2022 19:41

I'd go. It's fine. It will not traumatise your children. And I think it's fine to go where you want.

There are plenty of parents who travel across the Atlantic and further, for work, family events, funerals and holidays.

You could go somewhere only 2 hours away by plane...but if something where to happen and you needed to get home, theres no guarantee that you wouldn't be waiting as long on a plane there as you would be from America. If you're going to go, go where you like OP and enjoy it!!

How can you be sure it wouldn’t traumatise OP’s children? I can’t think of any families I know where parents both go away for that long together without the children. Plenty where one parent goes away for a week or more, or a few days for work or whatever, but leaving children with their other parent is totally different.

norwichmummy123 · 12/10/2022 20:12

Stonebridge · 12/10/2022 19:08

I think it might be a recipe for wobbles from your kids as it'll be 2 big disruptions together-both parents away for a week followed by a new baby.

Agree with this..tricky one though

Sallyh87 · 12/10/2022 20:12

I wouldn’t as I wouldn’t like to be so far away from my DC. Also asking someone else to care for two very young kids is a lot for a whole week.

Finally, IMO going to Disneyland without your kids just seems mean. However, I realise they are too young to realise!

Happy birthday 🥳

Yahyahs22 · 12/10/2022 20:12

You're so far to come home if an emergency happened and would never forgive yourself if it did. It most likely won't but this was my reasoning when I had the chance with my 3 year old and 1 year old. For me it wasn't worth the risk. We went on a lovely family holiday instead

Darkstar4855 · 12/10/2022 20:12

I’d do a weekend away first and see how the kids AND your mother cope. Three small children is a lot to cope with and she may decide a week is too much even with the childminder sessions. Equally the kids may be distraught if they’re not used to being away from you and suddenly both parents are gone for a week.

georgarina · 12/10/2022 20:13

It depends on the kids but mine have never GAF about being left with their grandparents so in that case I'd say go for it!

ohnoohnoo · 12/10/2022 20:13

babysharksb1tch · 12/10/2022 19:14

I have a three year old and 11 month old. If someone offered to look after my kids so I could go away for a week you wouldn't see me for dust.

This!! I love my kids more than anything in the world but if me and DH could go away for a week on our own we would jump at the chance! The kids would love having some time being spoilt by grandparents and they would come back home to two much more chilled out parents as we would have had a chance for a break. Go and enjoy yourself!

whiskersonkittenss · 12/10/2022 20:15

Haven't rtft but can you actually get decent travel insurance incase you were to give birth? I personally couldn't be arsed travelling so far that late in pregnancy, but I would be worried about hospital bills over there.

Clovacloud · 12/10/2022 20:16

When our DD was 18 months we were invited to a child free wedding in Florida. There was no childcare at the wedding, which meant one of us would have to miss it and look after her. My parents offered to have DD for 10 days, so we could go.

Best holiday EVER! We had couple times to reconnect (and sleep!), enjoyed a very special wedding with our friends. And DD had some very important bonding time with my parents, who even now at 19 she utterly adores and visits at every given opportunity. I don’t regret it for one minute, and look back at it with great fondness.

Original poster
PrueHalliwell · 12/10/2022 20:17

whiskersonkittenss · 12/10/2022 20:15

Haven't rtft but can you actually get decent travel insurance incase you were to give birth? I personally couldn't be arsed travelling so far that late in pregnancy, but I would be worried about hospital bills over there.

I definitely couldn't be arsed going now haha plus a theme park would be boring at 38 weeks pregnant Grin I meant next year and this baby would be 10 months old

OP posts:
Glitterspy · 12/10/2022 20:18

Are you in the UK? If so then it’s too far (for me). I regularly did short haul weekend breaks away from my kids when they were that age, but turned down long haul trips without kids.

Think about it. Different time zone, less regular flights, having to transfer through major international airports…all take time. Imagine a worst case scenario - one of your children had an accident for example. How would you feel making that journey back?

Sorry but when you have small children you have to make some compromises. They’ll soon be big enough to enjoy it all with you.

Loserlacey · 12/10/2022 20:19

Yes do it.

Twattergy · 12/10/2022 20:20

I'm amazed at people claiming the trauma that kids definitely experience in the absence of their parents. Sorry, but that really isn't the case if they are in a warm loving familiar environment like a grandma's house. Some saying 'my DC would have been absolutely traumatised had I left them for a day at that age...and I never left them before they started school.' So how come you know they'd be traumatised if you never did it?! Ridiculous.

BadNomad · 12/10/2022 20:20

You've plenty of time to build up to it. Get them used to being minded by grandma early on. A night at first. Then a weekend. By the time the holiday comes around I'm sure you'll all be fine.

CrabbyCat · 12/10/2022 20:20

I found having age 2 and almost 1 incredibly hard work. All of mine slept badly at 10 months due to teething, so up many many times a night. The toddler was then continually on the go during the day, and neither understood waiting for something. My DM is very fit and healthy but she could never have coped with the relentlessness of it - if you aren't used to it a week of not having a second to yourself whilst feeling rotten with sleep deprivation is a lot.

My DC are also really good at picking the worst possible moments to be sick - would your MIL be comfortable with taking them to the GP / out of hours care / A&E? Would you be comfortable being away on holiday if that happened?

FlowersareEverything · 12/10/2022 20:20

No I couldn’t have done it when they were so young. For me, it’s too far away, too long and they’re too young. I do understand it’s very tempting - I had 4 children in 4 years - but I would wait till they are older.

Also, I’m 60 and would definitely struggle to look after them for a whole week. (I work full time and manage that fine, but young grandchildren are much harder work)

Original poster
PrueHalliwell · 12/10/2022 20:20

I didn't really think about separation anxiety because my son loves his grandparents and loves to see them and we work pretty much all day so he only really sees us morning and night and weekends because well we have to work so I assumed it might be the same for baby as I should be back a month or two before we go but I guess seeing you everyday even for a short time is different to not seeing you for a week - I'm gonna have a good think about it

OP posts:
JessesMum777888 · 12/10/2022 20:21

babysharksb1tch · 12/10/2022 19:14

I have a three year old and 11 month old. If someone offered to look after my kids so I could go away for a week you wouldn't see me for dust.

Or me 😂😂

Bedtimeforever · 12/10/2022 20:23

I most definitely would. Especially if MIL is okay with having them, your mum is nearby and they have a good relationship. I can’t see the issue. Book, go, enjoy and have a blast.

Notimeforaname · 12/10/2022 20:24

How can you be sure it wouldn’t traumatise OP’s children? I can’t think of any families I know where parents both go away for that long together without the children. Plenty where one parent goes away for a week or more, or a few days for work or whatever, but leaving children with their other parent is totally different.

Well yes,of course I cant be sure sure.

I suppose I say it because I know 2 separate single parent families where the parents sometimes have to travel for work for up to 2 or 3 weeks at a time. Both had to go back to work after a short maternity and start traveling again and they all just seem to get on with it(no fathers present in either case) nobody traumatised or rejected on return.
Of course it's much harder to imagine if you've never seen it happen but I guess that's why I don't see it as such a huge deal.

I've when I lived abroad for a few years and worked in a bilingual setting, a lot of people there and their partners would have to fly back to home countries for last minute funerals or pre planned weddings in far flung corners of the world and left their children for a week or so with another relative/mixture of relatives and friends helping.

WiddlinDiddlin · 12/10/2022 20:24

Revolvingwhore · 12/10/2022 19:20

Will the kids be getting a holiday too?

They'll be 2 and 10 months old, I don't think they'll really be aware that they're missing out and won't yet have started the adult obsession with having to go on a holiday or they will expire immediately.

Luredbyapomegranate · 12/10/2022 20:24

Sure, as long as they know their granny well, they’ll be fine and you’ll have a great time.

I thought for a second you meant you were about to give birth, and also had a 10 month old and a 2 year old 😁 I am glad for your sake you don’t.

Have a great holiday

WiddlinDiddlin · 12/10/2022 20:25

OP if you're happy to leave them and their grandparents are happy to have them, and you're as sure as anyone reasonably can be that the kids will be happy with the grandparents... go and have fun!

Mummyboy1 · 12/10/2022 20:27

It's a big holiday and you need to be sure in your heart. You're obviously asking for opinions and I've got to say, I've got a 9 month old and whilst a break (a day) would be nice, I can't imagine leaving him for a week. He's just hitting the separation anxiety stage and I don't know how he'd cope if I was gone that long. He wouldn't understand where or why I've disappeared suddenly.

Sunnytwobridges · 12/10/2022 20:28

I wouldn't do it. I'm "grandma age" and I'd prob go nuts in just a couple of days watching kids that age, I wouldn't be able to handle a week. But I'm not a big kid person and my DC havent been those ages in over 20 years, so it would be too much for me.