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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave 2 year old and 10 month old alone for a week?

454 replies

PrueHalliwell · 12/10/2022 18:51

Well not alone obviously but with their grandma?

I'm 30 this month but on my birthday I'll be 38 weeks pregnant so that rules out anything exciting happening (unless I give birth! That'd be lovely)

So my husband has suggested we go for a week away next year to universal Florida as we both love it there ( we are big kids) but we don't think it'll be appropriate for a 2 year old and a 10 month old just yet plus would be nice to actually spend some time as a couple and I was really excited about it but now the mum guilt has started to creep in and I've started to feel really bad about leaving them.

My MIL has a good bond with my DS and DD isn't born yet but I'm sure they'll be okay - she's happy to look after them and they will be staying at our house with her and I'll know they'll be safe and have a good week but is it really selfish?

I just wanted to see what others thought before booking the holiday.

Thank you

OP posts:
Mariposista · 12/10/2022 19:39

Go OP, sounds brilliant. Good luck with the birth and happy birthday for next year haha

NewtoHolland · 12/10/2022 19:39

It's hard some kids would ride it our ok but some could develop an attachment disorder. I wouldn't risk it esp at ten months it's like peak Separation anxiety stage it'd be better to go somewhere with a friend and leave them with at least one of you there. Otherwise I'd wait till they were old enough to understand what going away and coming back meant.

Also like if something happened I just would find it really hard to be that far away of my dc were ill or something

If you do do it I'd do some shorter warm ups when you're close by to prepare them

Mommabear20 · 12/10/2022 19:39

Personally, I'd be fine leaving them at that age with a grandparent for a week, but I wouldn't be leaving the country, just in case one got sick or any other emergency, I'd want to be able to get home as quickly as possible. It's a very personal decision that only you and your DH can make.

OnlyHams · 12/10/2022 19:41

Monday1Morning · 12/10/2022 19:32

Oh this makes me sad that you’d actually want to do that :( I couldn’t leave my children (same ages) especially to go somewhere full of children that I know would just make me think of my children at home and how much they would enjoy it… all because I’m 30 :(

What a nasty, self indulgent post

Notimeforaname · 12/10/2022 19:41

I'd go. It's fine. It will not traumatise your children. And I think it's fine to go where you want.

There are plenty of parents who travel across the Atlantic and further, for work, family events, funerals and holidays.

You could go somewhere only 2 hours away by plane...but if something where to happen and you needed to get home, theres no guarantee that you wouldn't be waiting as long on a plane there as you would be from America. If you're going to go, go where you like OP and enjoy it!!

Dalaidramailama · 12/10/2022 19:42

its up to you why do you need validation off others?

I never left mine even for my 30th but that’s just a personal decision.

OnlyHams · 12/10/2022 19:42

NewtoHolland · 12/10/2022 19:39

It's hard some kids would ride it our ok but some could develop an attachment disorder. I wouldn't risk it esp at ten months it's like peak Separation anxiety stage it'd be better to go somewhere with a friend and leave them with at least one of you there. Otherwise I'd wait till they were old enough to understand what going away and coming back meant.

Also like if something happened I just would find it really hard to be that far away of my dc were ill or something

If you do do it I'd do some shorter warm ups when you're close by to prepare them

Please do provide your evidence that any child has ever developed an attachment disorder from a week away from its primary care giver at 10 months.

Waitingfordecember · 12/10/2022 19:42

I wouldn’t. What if one of them was poorly and neither their mum or dad could get to them for hours? Plus you’ve no idea how clingy your new baby will be.

I’d wait until closer to the time and book a city break a few hours away if you’re confident both children will cope.

Dacadactyl · 12/10/2022 19:43

Absolutely not. I wouldn't do it. Aside from the fact that that I think it'd be too much for your kids, i can't think of anyone I know who would agree to look after my 2 Yr old and 10 month old so that I could go on holiday.

AppleKatie · 12/10/2022 19:44

I wouldn’t leave an under 1 for so long I don’t think. It’s a very personal thing though.

Dalaidramailama · 12/10/2022 19:44

@OnlyHams

To be fair she said could. 10 months is peak separation anxiety age. Even for a week it’s too long for some babies depending on their temperament.

SleepingStandingUp · 12/10/2022 19:46

I don't think I'd want to be that FAR fro mthe at those ages - not just the 2.5 year old but also the 10 mo who hasn't got a clue. Could you do Disney Land Paris this time and then the US with the kids another year?

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 12/10/2022 19:47

Nope- kids are too young and it’s a lot to put on anyone. See how you feel with a toddler and a baby and then add 20-30yrs to your age.

CarefreeMe · 12/10/2022 19:47

I’m 30, have my own child and work with kids all day but even I would struggle looking after someone else’s 10 month old and 2 year old for a week.

Why not go for a night or weekend away and then save the Florida trip for when they’re both in school or nursery FT.

Then your mum can at least get a break during the day and it won’t be so difficult for her and you won’t have so much guilt.

SleepingStandingUp · 12/10/2022 19:48

Dalaidramailama · 12/10/2022 19:42

its up to you why do you need validation off others?

I never left mine even for my 30th but that’s just a personal decision.

It isn't personal validation, it's opinions. Do yo u ask every single poster on here who posts for advice why they need to ask??

MarvelMrs · 12/10/2022 19:48

I don’t think it is selfish or unreasonable at all.
I would wait until your second DC is born and see how you find life with two children. You also definitely need to see how your MIL copes with looking after two DC at the same time and at those ages. It is quite a different request - can you look after one GC to can you care for two under 2/2.5 year olds. If your baby is mobile by 10 months you would be asking a lot of someone who isn’t the parent and you would be a LONG way away.
All in all it isn’t selfish but I wouldn’t commit to it. I would either book last minute or book somewhere much closer and a bit shorter.

CarefreeMe · 12/10/2022 19:48

Also I think you’ll change your mind when you realise how difficult those ages are.

HoHoHowMuch · 12/10/2022 19:49

Can you all go? Mil look after them some days and other days do different things? I would be exhausted looking after someone else's toddlers for a couple of days, let alone a week! All your/family choice of course.

NameChangeLifeChange · 12/10/2022 19:50

Revolvingwhore · 12/10/2022 19:20

Will the kids be getting a holiday too?

For goodness sake they’re 2 and less than 1. Why would it matter if they don’t go on holiday Hmm OP if you feel comfortable with the arrangements then go!

Isthatyourname · 12/10/2022 19:50

I’m sure they would be fine, the baby will be but your 2 year old might struggle a bit if they are in the clingy stage that mine is at the minute! But then he might not care and be loving life getting spoilt at grandmas. But I wouldn’t personally as I wouldn’t enjoy being away from them that long and that far away, but that is how I feel. Who am I to say how you would feel.

Dragonsmother · 12/10/2022 19:50

Why not take them with you and ask MIL to go with you?

solosunflower · 12/10/2022 19:50

I would't. Too young and unfair on Grandma.

Lozzybear · 12/10/2022 19:51

Personally I’d go away for a nice weekend as a couple and then take the kids to Disneyland Paris for a few days. Took my DS when he was 22 months and he loved it. You then get two celebrations; one family and one grown up.

Gregan · 12/10/2022 19:52

Go for it OP. I’ll be going off on honeymoon for a week next year and leaving my 2yo with her grandparents. As long as your DC have a good bond with whoever is looking after them and it’s not the first time they’ve ever been away from you then I don’t see any problems.

Original poster
PrueHalliwell · 12/10/2022 19:52

Sorry just to clear a few things up

If we went:-

MIL is 60, her husband is 64 and they'd be staying at mine for a week with DC.

They are happy to look after DC or they wouldn't have offered although I appreciate it might be hard for them so that's something I need to think about.

My mum lives 10 minutes away and is 47, she will help out if needed.

DC will be at the childminders for three full days 8-5 and at the moment my son goes to bed at 7 so I'm not sure if that'll be the same then as it's a year away but he's been pretty consistent so far however I know what kids are like and it could change and who knows what the baby's schedule will be like but MIL would only have kids over night and for 4 full days not the whole 7 and if it's too much my mum can do two days and two nights to help.

After reading the comments I am thinking about if we do go then somewhere closer is the way to go if we do end up doing anything.

OP posts: